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AIBU?

To ask for your secret nicknames for co-workers, customers or clients?

200 replies

Midge1978 · 15/02/2018 08:17

Just checking I'm not the only one who does this! Grin

OP posts:
DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 15/02/2018 08:35

Customers: Hat-Woman, market-day couple, miss f-aaaa-n-ceh (her actual surname is Fancy, we just loved saying it), mrs pan (painfully slow to deal with, seems to have been hit on the head with a frying pan), that-woman-who-can't-control-her-bloody-dog, silky-pocket-guy (wanks into linings) and the toddler from hell.

Colleagues usually have affectionate nn, although someone with particularly huge eyes at school reminded me of dopey looking cows so I used to call her Ermintrude (from the magic roundabout) in my head.

PlumptiousBeauties · 15/02/2018 08:43

Customers: Mr Boner, Dickhead Property Tycoon Man, Coke Nose Prudence, Fraud Bloke, Cuntfaced Petrol Company Bitch From Hell.

Managers: The Overlord, The Demon Headmaster, Gormless Richard, Ops Pervert, Lovely Hot Rob, Fat Sweaty Copper.

HR are collectively known as 'the cunts upstairs' Grin

Loyaultemelie · 15/02/2018 09:02

Oh we have nicknames for everyone Blushthis would be fine except we are self employed (veg farmers) and now have a 7 year old dd with some SEN who has no filters and who remembers names of people who haven't been seen since she was a baby. "Hello flipperfeet you haven't been here for yeeeaarrrss"

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 15/02/2018 09:04

Oooh I forgot managers. A previous job had rent-a-gob, and McCunty, another job had someone who was always known as her name from her shop location, so she was always Grace-from-Cambridge, for example. A particularly hardwork supe from another branch was Needy Georgie. Oh, and our old assistant manager- little miss fuckwit.

sinceyouask · 15/02/2018 09:09

Sadly, Hot Hatman doesn't get on my bus any more which is such a shame. Numpty Woman does though. This is also a shame.

We call our SMT 'the psychopaths up there'.

A family member of an ex patient is Mr Minimum Fucking Wage due to what he said about some of our front line staff (who had been attacked by the patient) once.

Kpo58 · 15/02/2018 09:12

I call a couple of particularly useless computer technicians who go round together, Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

PlumptiousBeauties · 15/02/2018 09:13

I forgot colleagues. I'm changing names here as it's HUGELY outing, so I'll just use the same name for everyone.

Thick Doris
Generous With Her Affections Doris
Bitchface Doris
Hammerhead Shark Doris
Bollock-Eyed Doris
Gusset Fiend Doris

T1M2N3T4 · 15/02/2018 09:14

DP works with Bungalow Bill - so called because apparently he has nothing upstairs. (Real name is not Bill just his nickname)

T1M2N3T4 · 15/02/2018 09:17

Oh and we dubbed one of the strictly professionals Sarah the starer as she always stared at the camera or whomever was speaking. The one who didn't have a partner and just did group dances.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 15/02/2018 09:18

One of our area managers was Big HerFirstName. She had a side kick with the same first name, so she was Big First Name to differentiate and it stuck.

Oh, and our over-taking new ASM- MaryLou of the Fucking Chalet School....

Innocentbystander01 · 15/02/2018 09:22

Tussard - one of the bosses looks like a waxwork model

perpetuallybewildered · 15/02/2018 09:23

A particularly unpleasant woman is always ‘the poisoned dwarf’ in my head and in conversations with DH about work.

LucyAutumn · 15/02/2018 09:24

BoJo, Dick Dastardly, Bad Hair Don't Care and Beaker... Blush

DontCallMeCharlotte · 15/02/2018 09:25

When I worked in a very rural shop, a lot of our customers' names started with "Mad". Worked in a pub - regular customers were mostly known by their drinks.

"You know Fred from the pub?"
"Mild and bitter?"
"No, half a cider and pork scratchings."
"Oh yes. What about him?"

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 15/02/2018 09:29

Co workers mostly: Slightly Smaller Ron, Disasterboy, Crazy Rigid Chick, Dolphin Whisperer, Depressed John, Manc John, Keeeef!, DILLIGAF Dave, The Grubbytubbies, Katie off the dodgems, Other Rob, the Psycho Geriatric, etc. I dread to think what mine is, probably Aspire Arsehole.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 15/02/2018 09:29

Aspie, nor aspire! Bloody autocorrect!

chatwoo · 15/02/2018 09:30

Yes totally. Some names are in my head only and others are names that we all use. The ones in my head are the rude ones Grin

iklboo · 15/02/2018 09:31

Customers

Mr Lollipop
Mr Niggles
Mrs Hatstand
Mrs Doesn't Get It
Mrs Not Very Helpful
Oh FFS not him again

Colleagues

Trousers Too Tight To Mention (sung to Money's Too Tight...)
Too Tight Tee Shirt Terry (there may be a theme)

123MothergotafleA · 15/02/2018 09:34

This is the funniest thread ever.Plumptious Beauties you win for Hammerhead Doris.

PlumptiousBeauties · 15/02/2018 09:34

I remember from a previous job, a letter came addressed to 'Sue Smith - Manageress'. A colleague added 'and Sea Hag' in biro, then gave Sue the letter.

She was always Sea Hag Sue after that. 12 years on, people still call her by that name Grin

spidey66 · 15/02/2018 09:35

Just found out from a colleague a mutual client (we work in mental health) calls me Cabbage Patch Kid. Apparently a term of endearment as she likes me and was singing my praises. God knows what she'd call me if she hated me.

I won't tell you what I call some of my colleagues. One in particular is based on his real name and would out me.

PlumptiousBeauties · 15/02/2018 09:35

123Mother Grin

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123MothergotafleA · 15/02/2018 09:36

That's Hammerhead Shark Doris!!

ThisIsNotARealAvo · 15/02/2018 09:36

Colleagues are The Chosen One (named after a character in the mighty boosh), Millennial Princess and Ooh Mr Smith as she keeps calling a certain collleague by his full name in a slightly carry on fashion.

123MothergotafleA · 15/02/2018 09:40

I heard of a department that contained the following.......

Mary Poppins.

Lurkio.

The Gobshite.

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