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DP bought valentines card for ex but nothing for me

(127 Posts)
GrannyMac2018 Wed 14-Feb-18 21:30:45

Bit of context. Been with dp for 2.5 years. Both have kids of our own , own places, speak daily see each other every couple of weeks but have gone longer. He has kids every weekend mine go to their dads eow and I don't want the kids to always be involved so that's why our 'dating' is spread thin. Had great holidays and breaks away in that time and he's. been a rock when needed.
Previous two years for valentines I've always got a card and some flowers
This year - nothing.
He said it's because when he asked if I was going to see him Tuesday I said no I'm going to the gym... he said yea but it's valentines and I said we never 'do' anything for valentines
However when he had his son at the weekend he took him shopping as his ds wanted to get a valentines card for his mom.? So that means dp stood looking at cards surrounded by all the valentines crap and didn't even think to pick one up for me.
He can't see why I'm annoyed. I think it shows he's thoughtless and he's stopped making an effort .... which is something I've said for months.
AIBU to think a cheap card ( as appreciated in previous years) is too much to bloody ask when he had to pick one up anyway ?

Commuterface Wed 14-Feb-18 21:32:53

Did you get him one?

Nicknacky Wed 14-Feb-18 21:35:00

I think your title is incorrect as his some bought one for his mum? You boyfriend didn't buy one for his ex.

You did tell him you don't do anything for valentines, he has took you at your word!

RedHelenB Wed 14-Feb-18 21:35:01

He was there for his son, not you so I can see why he didn't do it at the time.

Nicknacky Wed 14-Feb-18 21:35:17

Son, not some!

BastardGoDarkly Wed 14-Feb-18 21:35:24

He asked to see you on valentines, you said "we never do anything for valentines"

Now he's in the shit for not doing anything? hmm

WhooooAmI24601 Wed 14-Feb-18 21:35:49

Your title mass it sounds like your DP bought one for his Ex when really he just did what Dads should do (wether they're together or not) and helped his son make a lovely gesture to his Mum.

Ok, so it's Unreasonable for him not to have bought you one, too, but you can't turn it into "he bought one for his Ex" because actually, he didn't. He did something nice for his kid. More parents who are separated should be doing stuff like that.

YANBU for being miffed that you got nothing (although I subscribe to the belief that Valentines Day is shite and should be treated as such), YABU for the rest.

Biscusting Wed 14-Feb-18 21:37:03

I dunno, by the sound of your response, you seemed uninterested in Valentines.

Also he doesn’t sound thoughtless if he stood at the cards and very likely made a conscious decision to not buy you one.

He also didn’t technically buy a card for your ex, he bought it for his son to give.

He sounds nice, you sound as if there is something more bothering you. Have you had thoughtless partners before? Are there reasons to be jealous of his ex?

WooWooSister Wed 14-Feb-18 21:37:12

YABU and your title is misleading and goady. He didn't buy one for his ex. His son bought one for his mum hmm
You told your DP he never does anything for Valentine's (even though he always buys you a card and flowers) and you told him you were going to the gym rather than spend it with him. He's taken you at your word.

WTFIsThisVirus Wed 14-Feb-18 21:37:13

I think this is a non issue. He helped his son buy a card,he didn't buy one for her directly. Also, it didn't even sound like you were planning to see him

GrannyMac2018 Wed 14-Feb-18 21:38:19

I did say we don't 'do' anything for valentines as to me that means specifically meeting up on that day / going for a meal .... we've never done that. But he has always given me a card and some flowers (only time of year I get a nice bunch from him)

Yes you're right it's lovely he helped his ds pick one for his ex but that makes it event more difficult for me to comprehend that despite looking at cards being surrounded by all the promotion he never once thought I'll get something for grannymac either while I'm here or at any other point ?

Bluntness100 Wed 14-Feb-18 21:39:06

Well hang on a minute, he helped his son my one for his mum, he did not buy one for his ex. Misleading title.

And you were the one who quite frankly behaved badly, you said you were going to the gym? Oh but he should have for you made an effort for you, but it's ok for you to make no effort for him, and even worse tell him you'd rather go to the gym?

You're right that one of you is being unreasonable. But it's not him. It's you.

Allthewaves Wed 14-Feb-18 21:39:06

So he brought his son as card as.his son requested. You told him you were going to the gym and you don't do valentines. Not really that surprising he didn't get u a card

WhooooAmI24601 Wed 14-Feb-18 21:39:48

So the real issue is simply that he's stopped making an effort with you? YANBU then, because a couple of years in he should absolutely still be making an effort.

GrannyMac2018 Wed 14-Feb-18 21:40:09

Looks like I am being unreasonable

Just in the context to me it seems as though 2.5years in the romantic dating thoughtful acts have stopped
And I'm not sure I want it all to yet ...

Bluntness100 Wed 14-Feb-18 21:40:46

Yeah, you're right whoo. She needs to do fuck all. It's all on him.

Commuterface Wed 14-Feb-18 21:41:15

Did you get one for him though? Maybe he’s sick of it being one sided. You sound like hard work

GrannyMac2018 Wed 14-Feb-18 21:41:40

Dp knows my ex is a big issue for me the moment.
I have limited time to go to the gym but he knows Tuesday 6-7 is dedicated gym time and I've asked him to come with me and he's refused.
He doesn't get back from work till 6.30 on a Tuesday I have to be back for my kids for 7.30 so no I don't feel like cancelling gym to see him for half an hour.

GrannyMac2018 Wed 14-Feb-18 21:42:19

Sorry should say WEIGHT not ex.
Weight is a big issue !

Nicknacky Wed 14-Feb-18 21:42:59

So did you send him anything?

Bluntness100 Wed 14-Feb-18 21:43:27

Did you get him anything op?

And why weren't you even nice about it, say something like "god I wish I could but go to be back for kids at 7-30 and you're late back from work, let's make it another night where we can have time for each other? X

WooWooSister Wed 14-Feb-18 21:43:34

I doubt he didn't think of you when he looked at the cards. I imagine he thought 'I'll get GrannyMac a card . . .oh, but she said we're not doing Valentines this year and she's going to the gym'.
You can't seriously complain about the romance having disappeared when he asked if you were doing something and you said you were going to the gym.

BastardGoDarkly Wed 14-Feb-18 21:44:24

Did you send him a card op?

Nicknacky Wed 14-Feb-18 21:44:28

It's Wednesday today.

Bluntness100 Wed 14-Feb-18 21:45:42

Nick is correct, I was wondering that. It's valentines today, so how does the op know he didn't get her anything?

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