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Well thanks a bunch DH

(48 Posts)
JustVent Wed 14-Feb-18 19:15:45

So we have a tradition, my relative gets M&S gift card for Christmas, we always save it for Valentine’s Day and get M&S dine in for 2, it’s always really good quality and we enjoy it.

DH has a hobby, his mate has the same. When our youngest is in bed at 7pm he goes round there and doesn’t come home until 11-12ish when we’re all asleep.

Tonight he comes home and says “You don’t mind if I still go out tonight do you?”
(He could go out on Friday instead) my knee jerk reaction was to say “what on Valentine’s Day? I thought we’d spend it together?” And then I remembered what money making bullshit Valentine’s Day was and said ‘fine’.

At 6.30pm I see that he’s taken the M&S food out of the fridge and he comes in and says “should be get the food on now? It takes an hour.”

This fucks me off because he wants to get the dinner on sooner so he can get round his mates house. Theres one thing ditching me after dinner, it’s quite another to rush it along so he isn’t late.

Apparently he wasn’t to know, I went to bed at 8pm last Valentine’s night so assumed I would be tonight. hmm

Unsurprisingly, I turned the oven off and he’s gone out.
I am going to have the dinner with my eldest son instead.

I really wish I hadn’t dragged two arguing kids out in the rain to drive to the next city in order to get the food. What the fuck was the point?

Gobbolinothewitchscat Wed 14-Feb-18 19:17:49

Sounds like a break down in comms. Just have it on Friday

Hownow39 Wed 14-Feb-18 19:18:04

Annoying angry

JustVent Wed 14-Feb-18 19:19:28


We do it every single year, and I don’t remember going to bed at 8pm last year...

Leilaniiii Wed 14-Feb-18 19:19:35

That is awful 😧. So sorry OP, what an arsehole your DH is.

RandomUsernameHere Wed 14-Feb-18 19:23:14

I know how you feel. I didn't get so much as a card from DH. We're on holiday at the moment and he said he didn't bother because of that. As if a card would be difficult to pack?! I wrote him a nice card and got him a few little bits. He then went back to sleep so I took the DCs to breakfast on my own.

2kidsnopets Wed 14-Feb-18 19:23:16

Boo hiss to your DH.

My valentines card from oh is still sitting on the worktop in it's plastic wrapper, unwritten. He didn't buy it until this afternoon. Not sure when he plans to write and give it to me!

liquidrevolution Wed 14-Feb-18 19:28:26

We are doing the meal deal tomorrow. I have Pilates tonight blushgrin

Also cards tomorrow as well.

Laiste Wed 14-Feb-18 19:33:29


The kind thing for him to have suggested would have been having the full usual valentine night tomorrow instead. Not rushing and pigging the valentine meal down as if to tick the box!

AdaColeman Wed 14-Feb-18 19:36:32

That's massively disappointing for you OP.
Next time your relative sends a voucher, get yourself a treat, flowers or a cake maybe?

Trialsmum Wed 14-Feb-18 19:36:54

Does he go to his mates every night or just wednesdays? We don’t really do Valentine’s Day so I wouldn’t care if dh went out but you had plans so it’s wrong of him to spoil them.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Wed 14-Feb-18 19:51:54

It's a bit selfish to go round his mate's for 5 hours several times a week. I can't imagine a hobby that would take that long. Poker? Playing an Xbox game? confused

Fluffycloudland77 Wed 14-Feb-18 19:52:52

I was thinking the same as Trial

Notso Wed 14-Feb-18 19:59:49


Yes because you obviously do mind him going out on Valentine's Day, but he somehow got the idea that you didn't mind.

Alloftheboys Wed 14-Feb-18 20:08:42

Can I ask what the hobby is?
Does it bring money in? Like he makes something/repairs it and sells it on.
Or does he chuck a load of money at it or is it relatively zero cost?

He did the (most often man) thing of thinking that he could carry on with his nice time and you would fit round him.
Too right you should eat up. Don't wait for him. I'd let him know you aren't happy.

JustVent Wed 14-Feb-18 20:24:52

He only goes on Wednesdays.

It doesn’t bring money in. It’s a small, fiddly hobby which I doubt costs much at all.

Namethecat Wed 14-Feb-18 20:27:52

Said to my husband last week that I didn't mind if he doesn't get me a card or pressies this year. He believed me !! LTB.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Wed 14-Feb-18 20:28:54

I'm thinking he makes miniature scale models of ships out of matchsticks.

melj1213 Wed 14-Feb-18 20:31:52

Tbh I think YABU

Yes you have a Valentine's night in tradition but he also has a long standing Wednesday night commitment.

He asked if you minded if he still did his Wednesday night hobby and you said that it was fine.

You can't hold it against him if he took that at face value and continued under the assumption that you would still have your Valentine's meal just a bit earlier to accommodate both commitments.

Alloftheboys Wed 14-Feb-18 20:32:01

In that case he's been very inconsiderate.
(Was trying to see if you needed hobby money as a source of income)

When you next see him inform him that next Valentines is set in stone and you've arranged a night out or afternoon off for yourself. Get him to fit round your plans for a change.

LouHotel Wed 14-Feb-18 20:37:47

Bit of a breakdown in communication.

At the point it was decided he wouldnt be home you as a couple should have picked another day for a meal.

We're doing our on Saturday.

Topseyt Wed 14-Feb-18 20:40:37

Did you actually tell him, or were you trying to hone his psychic abilities?

Valentine's Day isn't too much of a big deal in this house. We did a card each and yesterday DH bought a couple of Tesco ready meals with a bottle of wine. It was surprisingly nice.

If it is important to you then you have to say so.

TinklyLittleLaugh Wed 14-Feb-18 20:41:48

See I would have said "Of course I mind you going out, it's Valentines Day and I've got this nice food in like we always do". Some men are simple souls (mine certainly is) best to just say what you mean.

LuckyAmy1986 Wed 14-Feb-18 20:52:21

Yes definitely to just saying what you want and mean (as above). I have found that sometimes in the past I let myself get very upset and wound up when my DH didn't do certain things (valentines/mothers day etc) off his own back. It would be nice if he did it off his own back, but some people just aren't like that so just make it clear what you expect.

Curtainshopping Wed 14-Feb-18 20:53:17

I think that as you’d already agreed to him going out, then why does it matter what or when you eat? You weren’t doing Valentine’s.

I think he can’t do right for doing wrong!

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