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2nd Wife and Inlaws

(23 Posts)
Susie1q Wed 14-Feb-18 18:20:03

I have 2 mother in laws one is my DH mother the other is a step mother
my DH and I have been married 3 years he has been divorced from first wife for 10 years we have been togehter 9 I have 2 problems Mother in Law 1 has recently added the exwife on FB they never got in fact ML says exwife was extremely nasty to her DH has refused to speak to his mother since. Mother in Law 2 has photos of exwife on display in her home no photo's of DH or me it makes me feel slightly uncomfortable am I over reacting x

grannytomine Wed 14-Feb-18 18:21:47

Did he have children with the first wife, they might be trying to make sure they have access to the children but otherwise I would find it a bit weird.

Susie1q Wed 14-Feb-18 18:43:01

Yes he did but there are in there mid 20's

ambereeree Wed 14-Feb-18 19:19:20

What do you mean photos on display? Are they with the children?

Susie1q Wed 14-Feb-18 19:26:36

It was in a photo frame on a sideboard I thought it had gone as could not see it the last time we went there but it had been moved to the dining room I am at a loss

CB1234 Wed 14-Feb-18 19:30:36

Do you otherwise get on with Mils?

grannytomine Wed 14-Feb-18 19:36:42

So ten years ago they were mid teens, so mum controlled if MIL could see them? That's how it probably started. I see my exDIL regularly, sons current partner doesn't like it but seeing my GC is more important than pleasing someone I've known for less than a year.

Susie1q Wed 14-Feb-18 19:37:57

Yes really well but I feel I am not good enough and they look down on me they have never taken then time to ask me anything about my life I am in my 40's I get the impression MIL 1 thinks she is better than everyone else when if they really knew the truth that my parents are very wealthy they have never asked anything about my previous life its just really strange

Susie1q Wed 14-Feb-18 19:42:18

No when my DH divorced his wife and we got together 6 months later the children (Late Teenagers) came to live with us and one still does so they have always had access to there grandparents.

BertrandRussell Wed 14-Feb-18 19:46:19

Why does it bother you?

grannytomine Wed 14-Feb-18 19:58:18

Well if he got divorced 10 years ago and they are in their mid 20s now they weren't in their late teens when he got divorced.

Anyway if it isn't the kids maybe they just like her?

Susie1q Wed 14-Feb-18 20:03:48

They where 18 & 16 when divorced and they are now 28 & 26 they have no contact with her

Susie1q Wed 14-Feb-18 20:07:54

Because I think its totally disrespectful to me and my DH to have no photo's of him or us not even one of our wedding but one of his exwife who none of them can stand even there children came to live with us as she was a control freak

Chunkymonkey123 Wed 14-Feb-18 20:36:32

YANBU that is really weird. Why doesn’t your DH ask her why she has the photo up etc?

Snuppeline Wed 14-Feb-18 20:47:41

Could they believe you were the cause of the breakup between your DH and the ex wife? You say you got together 6 months after the split. Maybe they think of you as the OW. If you were - or they perceive you to be an OW - they may look down on you due to thinking you are.

boosterrooster Wed 14-Feb-18 21:04:29

I would have DH tell her to take the pictures down. It is disrespectful to you.

Currently going through hell with my own MIL so feel like telling you to ignore and not bother with them as they are all a pain in the ass and more hassle than it's worth! But you seem to want a relationship with MIL so it might be no harm to see if she'd be up for a chat to clear the air? Or clear up any doubts about you possibly being the OW as previous poster pointed out?!

2rebecca Wed 14-Feb-18 21:13:33

I think all this talk of being "disrespected" makes you sound about 14. She can have photos of who she likes up and be facebook friends with who she likes. You can't and shouldn't try to control other people. Decide what sort of relationship you want with these women. If you dislike them then don't have much contact with them. Your husband can do the same. He can withdraw if he thinks they're being nasty and unsupportive.

InfiniteSheldon Wed 14-Feb-18 21:15:47

This is very familiar have you posted about this photo hefore?

Susie1q Wed 14-Feb-18 22:18:10

Thank you for the replies no I was not the cause of there break up I did not know him until 6 months after he had moved out. I would add my DH has cut off contact with one of them so we now have no contact with the FB one. I have spoken to him and he says next time we go there he will put the photo face down. Even my DSD said it is out of order. I am not trying to control anyone and will as you say 2rebecca cut all contact think thats for the best

Winteriscoming18 Wed 14-Feb-18 22:24:27

You are controlling so is your dh he’s gone nc with his own dm because he is fb friends with his ex’s! I’m fb friends with my ex in laws it means nothing!

2rebecca Wed 14-Feb-18 22:51:33

All this putting photos face down sounds very childish. We're on our second marriages but I thought it was strange that my current MIL took down photos of my husband with his ex. They were married for several years and had kids together. If they didn't invite me round and invited her round instead I'd think that was odd, but suspect they wouldn't do that as their son is more important to them than the women he chooses to live with. Photos are harmless though. You can't airbrush someone's past and rewrite history.
I used to love my ex and have 2 great kids though him. I don't want to pretend he never existed and I never loved him. I don't want to live with him now though. Some of my relatives got on well with him and still see him occasionally. That's fine and doesn't threaten my current marriage.

Susie1q Wed 14-Feb-18 22:53:40

Winteriscoming18 the no contact is because they have never supported him this was the straw that broke the camels back my husband suffered horrendous sexual abuse at the hands of his Mothers new husband and she never protected him to the point of catching her husband and saying nothing so in some ways he has to control the situation as he has never been in control all his life

CB1234 Thu 15-Feb-18 08:01:27

It sounds like the family issues are far more deeply entrenched than photos. I assume MIL1 is your DH s mother who you have no contact with due to the sexual abuse. If she can ignore such abuse, it's not a huge surprise she will also be friend the ex wife. As you don't see her anyway I don't think it matters.

So that leaves the step mother who has photos of the ex, but you otherwise get on with. People do odd things. It's the type of thing my SM used to do when I was a child, lots of pics of her nieces and nephews, but mine and my sisters photos stuck in the office. Yes it's someone making a point (I assume your FIL lives there too so he is as responsible), but much like a stroppy child, it's probably best ignored.

TBH, it sounds as though you have been painted as the other woman. Maybe the ex has found it a little too convenient that you appear 6 months after they split and had been stirring.

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