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To wonder why it is the woman who is usually the enemy ( or is it just Mumsnet)

(34 Posts)
Resurgam2016 Wed 14-Feb-18 18:16:58

On AIBU it is the MIL. In step parenting it is the Ex Wife. In relationships it is the OW. etc etc.

It's it because of some deep rooted belief in Original Sin, a lack of sisterhood amongst mumsnetters or are women genuinely the villains in our society. It just seems disproportionately critical of women in any given situation.

DeathStare Wed 14-Feb-18 18:18:13

It's because the society we live in is misogynistic.

bluebells1 Wed 14-Feb-18 18:35:00

Or people could just be saying this based on their personal experiences.

Yourcoffinormine Wed 14-Feb-18 18:40:29

Or there is a higher proportion of women using this forum so bound to be more skewed towards ow etc

Pumperthepumper Wed 14-Feb-18 18:44:29

It’s misogyny.

ghostyslovesheets Wed 14-Feb-18 18:47:20

because women are taught to turn their anger on themselves rather than men - it's simply an extension of that conditioning

we aren't all like that though - I see lots of balanced posts here

HotCrossBunFight Wed 14-Feb-18 18:48:23

I think women relate more to.other women and therefore find their behaviour more irritating, hurtful, etc when compared to their own.
FWIW I dislike my FIL far more than my MIL grin

OutyMcOutface Wed 14-Feb-18 18:50:53

You have forgotten about all the LTBs/Yoir DH should ge dealing with his mother on MN.

Xulishesthepilot Wed 14-Feb-18 18:51:12

Not as many of their husbands cheated with a guy I guess, or married one after they broke up.

echt Wed 14-Feb-18 18:51:31

It's complex:

1. Personal experience.
2. The wronged woman in an affair has so much invested in the relationship with the man that to put the blame on him makes her investment worthless. She often wants to keep him, so he has to be worth it.
3. Misogyny.
4. I really wish I could find this reference, but in some years-ago research about the old-style mother-in-law jokes, it was found that in fact it was the MILs of the wife who were more likely to be the source of angst in a marriage. So MIL jokes are misogynistic.
5. Mostly women posting on thus site.

OutyMcOutface Wed 14-Feb-18 18:53:53

Also I dislike my FIL far more than my MIL. In both cases though it is my DHs responsibility to deal with them. If my husband had an affair I would blame him and hold him entirely responsible-any OW/Male lover would be either an innocent albeit gullible third party or an inconsequential tart with poor self esteem, but the real bastard would still be my husband. Maybe it's just that there is a higher frequency of posts complaining about women because women like men tend to spend more in the company of their own sex?

Butterymuffin Wed 14-Feb-18 18:54:24

Yep, it's our misogynistic society as DeathStare says. Having said that, I find lots of the advice in Relationships counters this quite well, and posters who ask if they're to blame will be told that maybe it's actually their dick of a partner that's the problem.
<waves at Fail journalists who'll be along soon>

ShowMePotatoSalad Wed 14-Feb-18 18:54:40

Ingrained societal misogyny.

Resurgam2016 Wed 14-Feb-18 18:55:50

So if it were mostly men posting then the blame would fall on other men? Misogyny seems a better bet but what a shame. Women have come so far and yet attitudinally not very far at all.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Wed 14-Feb-18 18:56:47

My FIL is much more of a pita than my MIL. Equally if DH decided to have an extra-marital affair I’d be furious with him as he was the one who I trusted and not the OW, unless she was one of my close friends or relatives, in which case I’d be cross with both of them, But maybe that’s just me.
OTOH there have been times when I have been annoyed by DH’s ex-wife’s behaviour (mainly for being unnecessarily horrible to DH at times) but that’s just circumstantial- in the unlikely event DH had an ex-husband no doubt I would have been annoyed with him if he’d behaved in that way too

ShowMePotatoSalad Wed 14-Feb-18 21:14:38

Add to this the cultural representation of stepmothers as essentially "evil", as opposed to stepfathers, presented quite often as substitute fathers who swoop in to save the day.

Trills Wed 14-Feb-18 21:21:35

I don't think it's at all the case that the OW is considered to be worse than the man, if an affair is happening. He is the one cheating. She is not behaving well, but he is behaving worse.

upsideup Wed 14-Feb-18 21:27:41

Really? I also think mumsnet likes to turn the women into the victims as much as possible, passing all blame on to males. Even when its cleary obvious a women is a fault, you will have several poster trying to work out how we can suggest any man is instead.

DayManAahhh Wed 14-Feb-18 21:28:27

I think it's partly because since forever we have been taught to view women as kind, caring, nurturing, polite (and timid) human beings that should not step a foot out of place or speak out of turn etc

So when they do it is much more 'wrong' and is thus more offensive, and garners more attention.

I think there is an element of the sisterhood at play too.

The rest is misogyny.

StandardRussian66 Wed 14-Feb-18 21:30:12

My mother always say a woman’s worst enemy is other woman.
So far, for me, she has been true.

Lashalicious Wed 14-Feb-18 21:40:01

From my own personal experience, I have observed women to be generally more vicious, devious and malicious than men. Not all women. But generally, there is a sizable subset of women (compared to a much smaller subset of men) who like to pit women against women, recruit people to intimidate another woman that they don’t like, make catty comments out of jealousy and envy, spread gossip and lies, jostle for “position” within friendship and family groups, etc. Has nothing to do with misogyny, it’s just reality. It’s appalling and I really don’t think it’s anything to do with being female in itself but this behavior seems to be more prevalent in females for whatever reason.

Pumperthepumper Wed 14-Feb-18 21:43:40

Lash if that’s a predominantly female trait, in your experience, what would you say is making women act that way? There surely must be a common factor of it’s something that most women, in your experience, do?

Pumperthepumper Wed 14-Feb-18 21:49:59

Sorry, just realised I said ‘in your experience’ twice, making my post seem a lot more aggressive that I’d intended.

WhooooAmI24601 Wed 14-Feb-18 21:52:42

It's because the society we live in is misogynistic.

I agree completely. We think that we've come so far since suffrage and made real steps forward in terms of equality and equity over the last 100 years. In some respects we really have, in others, we're no further forward; our culture is still hugely misogynistic and will be for a long while yet.

Mulch Wed 14-Feb-18 21:54:39

Read a post recently from the "ow" asking how to successfully transition to partner. As you can imagine it went down like a lead balloon. Called out on how morally lacking they are. I don't think it would be any different if it was a bloke just the majority of posters are women. So it's women judging/supporting other women

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