To Be Annoyed At Interfering Mother

[Mymumsaknob]

Name change for this one!

I wrapped my DNieces birthday gifts and gave them to my mum to pass on (im on holiday so wont see DN and they live around 3 hours away). Given in plenty of time for DM to take them down as she is going anyway on 21st. Anyway it was peppa pig toys wrapped in pink princess paper with a pink organza ribbon round them. then in a plain pink hallmark gift bag, the £2.50 nice thick ones (this is relevant).

So last week DM comes round and hands me my gift bag back. She felt it was "too nice" for DN as DS will just throw it away. So shes put it in a bag with lions and animals on from poundland. I didn't really know what to say and, as it sounded petty, left it. However it bugged me all week. its MY choice what bag my gifts go in. And presentation is important to me. I dont want a poundland lion bag, I wanted my bag.

So when I saw her I explained I didn't want the lion bag. She was extremely apologetic and repeatedly said she shouldnt meddle or get involved. She actually dragged it on longer than she should and almost used it for sympathy and I found myself repeatedly saying "it's ok, dont worry, not a problem". Anyway she just text me a photo, with my gift inside a pink minnie mouse bag. Still not what i would have chosen, but better than the cheap looking lion bag. I thanked her, then noticed she has taken the ribbons off the fucking gifts!!! They are plonked inside, no longer ribboned together.

I know how pedantic and pathetic this seems, but I chose a gift for DN, went to a lot of effort ribboning wrapping and putting them in a bag. She has totally changed the bag and taken my ribbons off the gifts. This may be how she sends HER gifts but not how I send mine. I am fuming. I just text back asking why she removed the ribbon and shes now ignoring me.

For the record we get on great and she does interfere and think she knows everything but I've never known her go so far as to actually change peoples gifts or wrapping before. Then again maybe its something she always does and I've just never noticed. She generally passes gifts between me and my DS for ease, but in future I think I may just have to pay to send them in the post.

AIBU and what would you do?

[ItchySeveredFoot]

How weird! I know it probably does seem petty but I'd be annoyed too!

[bluebells1]

You have to tell her that she did cross a line and also make sure that you don't let her interfere anymore. This is just stupid! What did that bow do to her?!

[Bluelady]

It is petty but I'm with you all the way, I'd be incandescent. I'd put her next birthday present in a Lidl carrier bag.

[Thistlebelle]

She didn’t want your gifts to look prettier that hers.

Post them in future.

[Sweetpea55]

She sounds a pain in the arse,

[NerNerNerNerBATMAN]

How weird! You could try the classic head tilt whilst saying "DM are you ok? I only ask as that's quite an odd thing to do"

[TittyGolightly]

Anyway it was peppa pig toys wrapped in pink princess paper with a pink organza ribbon round them. then in a plain pink hallmark gift bag

So sexist, wrapped in sexist, tied with sexist in a sexist bag? Sounds like your mother improved it!

[Collection2000]

My money says Thistlebelle has it right.

[Whisperquietly]

So sexist, wrapped in sexist, tied with sexist in a sexist bag? Sounds like your mother improved it!

Or the DNiece likes pink? Presumably the OP knows her DNiece’s tastes?

Little girl in liking pink shocker!

[bunbunny]

Next time take a picture of the wrapped present and send it to your dsis and dn saying look what is coming for you with granny...

Then they will know that the present looked lovely and they can quiz her as to why she changed it...

[LadyLoveYourWhat]

I don't really understand why the present needed to be wrapped and in a bag. Surely your niece really won't care what it's wrapped in anyway and, as your Mum says, it's just going to get thrown away. Who are you trying to impress?

[Fishface77]

It seems like a weird competition! Has she done this before with other stuff?
And Ladylove I missed the part where op asked for opinions on her wrapping! She may be trying to make it nice for DN! Nasty.

[Dozer]

Odd. Next time she does a faux apology don’t let her off the hook, just do broken record “yes, please don’t do that again”.

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

If the kids into peppy pig she won't give a monkeys what it's wrapped in. You're both weird.

[Trunkisareshite]

It’s not sexist if that what she likes Titty.

Pink (the color not the singer) isn’t going to ‘get’ you.

My kids like pink, one of mine loves it in fact, they also know there is no such thing as girls or boys colors and I’m sure the OP’s DS has enough faith in her parenting to not worry about what influence the gift wrap of a kindly bought present is going to have on her children.

OP totally odd behaviour from your DM I’d be wondering if she swapped the gift as well!

[TriniRedVelvet]

I don't really understand why the present needed to be wrapped and in a bag. Surely your niece really won't care what it's wrapped in anyway and, as your Mum says, it's just going to get thrown away. Who are you trying to impress?

It doesn't matter. The OP did the prezzie up the way she wanted. The mum had no right to interfere with that!!!

OP I agree with your username!

[ImAPeppermintNightmare]

This would drive me insane. I don't think it's weird to enjoy making a present look really special for a young child. I'd be bloody furious if I was you. It seems like your mother thinks she knows better than you, and doesn't regard you as a real person in your own right.

[Mymumsaknob]

@TittyGolightly DN is OBSESSED with pink. My listing it all pink was because I was showing it all matched. My DNephew once went through a pink peppa stage. All his gifts were wrapped in pink with Peppa paper too.

@LadyLoveYourWhat Because they were really dodgy shaped gifts, wrapped individually and ribboned together to keep them "still". They couldnt be wrapped together or would have moved round and ripped the paper. And didnt want to just hand her a pile of gifts, it needed a bag. And trying to impress nobody, as i said presentation is important to ME. I would be upset with myself if things did not look how I wanted them to, as I know im capable of it.

Thank you everyone, its good to know its not just me who thinks its wierd! Will definitely confer with my DS as im now wondering about the swapping gifts. All gifts are bought off DN's gift list but, to be fair, I wouldnt know what DM spends and if she swaps her gifts for mine.

[GimbleInTheWabe]

YANBU OP that'd really annoy me too. Definitely post them in the future just to be sure and keep an eye out for similar things where you DM could interfere like that. It seems like you've got eh kind of relationship where you can call her out on this stuff so keep it up and hopefully, eventually she'll get the message. I also agree that she probably didn't like that yours looked nicer than hers.

And to the PP who said the present was 'sexist' as it was wrapped up in pink - it's a colour, love.

[Lethaldrizzle]

Post present. That way no-one else is involved

[bunbunny]

I've got in the habit of writing on presents rather than putting a tag on them - seen too many instances of tags falling off and then having to wonder who gave which present...

Maybe you could write on the presents as well (can be done nicely - presentation is important to me too!) even if the bag has a tag on it overall - then if your mum tries to swap your gifts for hers, she will need to rewrap completely or risk the present saying it comes from both of you.

Have you double checked with your sis to find out exactly what your mum gave to your dn saying it was from you, (and likewise what she gave from her) to find out if she did swap any of the presents over? Whether you go along the 'did she like the PPig thingy - I saw it and thought of her instantly and hoped she would love it' or 'I don't know what Mum's playing at but she messed up all my wrapping - can I just check that dn did get x, y and PPig from me - or did she 'accidentally on purpose' get mixed up with hers and my presents when she rewrapped them...?' route is something that only you will know how best to proceed!

[ComeTheFuck0nBridget]

Did your Mum or DS reply OP? I'd be fuming about this too!

[KeepServingTheDrinks]

Totally agree your mum was out of order.

The kids won't care, but tell your DSis what you'd done so at least she knows.

I'm wondering if your mum's going to pass off your presents as hers, or nick some of your wrapping for her presents?

[DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops]

YANBU, you chose how you wanted to present the gift; it might be petty but it was not up to your mum to change that on your behalf.

I'm dyspraxic and now that I can actually wrap quite well, I love choosing lovely tissue and ribbon combos. I'd be livid if someone changed what I had decided was suitable and I got no say.

I do have a bad habit of reclaiming gift bags if I think the recipient will ditch it/doesn't care/is a close relative though. Get my money worth, I do!

[Mymumsaknob]

Thanks for messages.

DM is only going down on 21st so not given gift yet. I’ve handed it over so early as I’m away on holiday.

Good idea about the writing on gifts, thank you. May be the way forward!

well DM replied saying “ribbons are still on, we’re just lopsided”. But you can clearly tell from the first photo they weren’t there. The presents are at wierd angles and it’s just not possible. She then sent another with the ribbons on, in her Minnie Mouse bag. However the 2 main gifts are now individually ribboned. They were tied together before. 100% (as I mentioned on here earlier). So she’s actually removed my ribbon and cut it so she could individually ribbon the large 2. Which means there are smaller gifts floating in the bag (they were in a “pile” ribboned together before). Absolutely bonkers behaviour. Why bother and then why lie. Unless she cut the ribbon for her own gifts then had to put it back on mine.

I replied asking if there was something wrong with my gift wrapping as she had felt the need to change the bag and now the ribbon was moved. She has not replied. I know she will feel awful (she meddles but is always very upset to cause offence and I know it plays on her mind for weeks when she has upset someone). So hopefully awful enough to leave my shit alone in future!

I then text DS telling her about this and asking her to send me a photo when they get to her if she can (providing DM doesn’t whip them out 2 mins before present giving and hand them straight to DN). Also asked her to see what’s inside
Them. She knows what I’ve bought.

In all honesty I don’t think DM would claim them as her own but, before now, I didn’t think she re-packaged gifts and decided bags were “too good” for certain people either!

She always has an opinion on what you buy and likes to try to tell you what to buy (despite me having 2 DDs not much older than my DN so more of a clue about current kids fads than her). I’m just so confused at her behaviour.