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AIBU to ask for help

(17 Posts)
Orange123456 Wed 14-Feb-18 14:54:41

(Sorry for the AIBU posting but from what i can tell it gets more traction)

I don’t know what to do I feel like I’m stuck in a place I don’t want to be in with no idea how to get out.
I have no friends, unemployed and spend my days sat at home.
I’ve started applying for jobs but they don’t amount to any thing (I have been employed 6 months in the last 3 years prior to this I was at university.)
3 years ago I went through a traumatic life event that left me depressed and suicidal, I’m a lot better now but I still have days where I feel like I’m drowning.
During this time I lost contact with a lot of friends and any remaining ones petered out over the last few years.
I have been married for 5 years with my dh who tries to get me out the house even if it’s a walk down the road.
He is trying to get me to join the gym/get a job to meet new people and just give me something to do with my day.
I have also gained 8 stones in the last 3 years and my self-confidence is non-existent. However the last few months I have tried to push myself and I am leaving the house more.
I’m also finding it difficult getting a job I think the main reason is due to the large gaps in my CV but I don’t feel comfortable explaining to recruiters what happened to me.

I’m just at a point where I think if I don’t make a change my life will continue like this and their will be no way out but I just don’t know what to do.

Orange123456 Wed 14-Feb-18 15:10:26


Keepgoing18 Wed 14-Feb-18 15:12:09

That sounds really tough! Completely understand you not being comfortable explaining

Keepgoing18 Wed 14-Feb-18 15:13:57

Sorry, pressed post too soon. Completely understand not being comfortable sharing that info with employers. Maybe you could say you were ill but not go into detail, and reassure them you're ok now?

What are your interests? What would you like to do?

Allthebestnamesareused Wed 14-Feb-18 15:15:27

I think you may have to bite the bullet and explain the gaps/what happened.

Have you see your go as it sounds like you are suffering from depression. Although you may not want to take antidepressants they do work. Once they kick in then it is easier to pick yourself up. Have you got any friends you can confide in?

NotSoSprightly Wed 14-Feb-18 15:16:21

It sounds like you're unhappy with your weight and unhappy about being unemployed: both of which are very easily fixable.

Start making steps towards weight loss, better food, more exercise.

Have someone you trust look over your CV - you can make virtually anything sound better and I guarantee the gaps won't be an issue if you just present a decent looking CV. My sister has had job after job after job and never fails to get interviews or different jobs.

You're in a catch 22 whereby you feel bad because you don't leave the house but you don't leave the house because you feel bad.

Unless you have some sort of physical impairment you really need to get outside and get active, it does WONDERS for your health both physical and more importantly mental.

Anyone would go stir crazy not doing any exercise.

GreenTulips Wed 14-Feb-18 15:16:57

Being out of work sucks the life out of you on a downward spiral - it's the same form most people.

You have to want to sort yoirself out.

Start with your CV - my DHs CV is short and sweet.

-University X dates
Work experience

I have gained employment sun the following fields and have experience in (customer service, security, cash handling) etc

My most recent employment was at X and MR Y would be happy to supply a glowing reference.

No need for complete dates.

Skills trump dates

Bambamber Wed 14-Feb-18 15:17:19

Could you take it one step at a time rather than doing it all at once? You've started getting out the house which is a good start, how about starting some exercises that you can do at home or do nice long walks. Then once your used to being more active and getting out the house, then join the gym and from there your confidence will keep growing and you can keep trying to do more.

Otherwise it just seems an awful lot to try and change all in one go and I would worry it would take it's toll. I've personally found small steps can sometimes be better in the long run than taking big leaps

Birdsgottafly Wed 14-Feb-18 15:19:47

I'd start with your weight/ health, that's if you won't go for Counseling etc.

You've lost yourself. Once you regain your passion, you can start with part time Voluntary work.

Orange123456 Wed 14-Feb-18 15:31:54

I think that is a big problem for me, ill get motivated to try and fix things but ill want to do everything in one go and then at the smallest hurdle ill just completely fall.

I went to an interview yesterday and i was essentially asked why would we hire you when you haven't done anything the last 3 years.
Although its true it really hurt as i've really struggled to keep myself together. And i don't know if theirs any point keeping on trying.

Orange123456 Wed 14-Feb-18 15:38:29

I think my reason for posting on here was for someone to just validate my feelings.

milkmoustache Wed 14-Feb-18 15:48:31

But you were invited for interview, that has to mean that your CV got somebody's attention - despite the gap in employment. So that's really positive in itself. You could practice an answer to that question for next time, the interviewer at least gave you an opportunity to say why they should give you a chance. Try to work out how much you want to say about what happened, and that can be very succinct, and then go on to say what you could offer to an employer.
I do know it's hard to pick yourself up again, but it sounds as if your DH is supportive which is great.

Orange123456 Wed 14-Feb-18 15:54:53

It was a grad scheme, i passed the pre interview tests and was invited based on those so they wouldn't have seen the gaps.
I would ideally love to work for the public sector.

I think baby steps are key i'm going to try and get some counselling i think that will really help.

GreenTulips Wed 14-Feb-18 16:01:02

Well your answer should've been 'I've been recovering from an illness and I'm now fit and ready to start work'

Ariela Wed 14-Feb-18 16:02:43

Could you do a little voluntary work for a while. Really anything that appeals, whether working in a charity shop, or helping oldpeople. Anything to add to your skill set.

I also suggest prepare some answers to possible awkward questions like the one you were presented with, and practise your answers. A bit fake it till you make it, but why not? You really want the job, you are really enthusiastic about the opportunity and think you will do well for the company because x, y & z reasons etc.

milkmoustache Wed 14-Feb-18 16:04:58

You are probably right to tackle one thing at a time. But try not to talk yourself down: you did pass the pre-interview tests, that does prove that you do have something to offer. I do understand: I have an interview tomorrow, and have been remembering all the interviews where I was the second choice. Then I remembered that the last interview I did, was the one where they did offer me the job...! I will be trying to take my advice to you - focus on the positive - and apply it to myself as well.

stayingaliveisawayoflife Wed 14-Feb-18 16:19:00

Maybe volunteer at a primary school? We are pretty welcoming and will pay for dbs if needed so don't worry about that. It might just be hearing readers at first but it would be good experience in a safe environment?

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