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To think "performance parenting" is just talking to your child?

(22 Posts)
crunchymint Wed 14-Feb-18 13:40:15

I have gone round the supermarket pointing out things to a toddler too young to converse with. I have sat on a bus and pointed out things outside to a child too young to have a conversation with. I wasn't "performance parenting". This is simply talking to your child.

ShatnersBassoon Wed 14-Feb-18 13:43:26

Who accused you of performance parenting?

JoeyMaynardssolidlump Wed 14-Feb-18 13:45:26

Depends how loud you are and if you are always trying to catch the eye of other adults to show us all how clever you and your child are?

If it’s quietly and no then that’s fine. If it’s loudly and yes your a pain grin

Foolish1 Wed 14-Feb-18 13:48:07

So the performance bit refers to theatrical performance from the parent not increasing child performance?

ChaosTrulyReigns Wed 14-Feb-18 13:49:01

If you are glancingat all the nearby folk, then it's PP.

Just interacting with your child? Narp, that's just P.

All about the Side Eye.

AuntLydia Wed 14-Feb-18 13:51:22

Most people do that. Performance parenting is something completely different.

WhooooAmI24601 Wed 14-Feb-18 13:51:44

I think some people see PP as one thing, others another.

For me it's when you've no interest in what your child's saying, you're more interested in what folks around think about what your child's saying.

I talk to the DC because I like to hear how they're doing and what they've been up to. I also like to sit in silence and drink a pot of tea in Costa while they chat nonsense to one another about light sabres because who gives a fuck if they can count to twenty in french on a wednesday after swimming class? Drink your tea in silence, people.

crunchymint Wed 14-Feb-18 13:53:23

No I didn't care what others thought.

RedDogsBeg Wed 14-Feb-18 13:57:43

There is a big difference between just talking to your child and performance parenting and there have been enough examples of the latter given on threads for you to easily distinguish between the two OP.

BeyondThePage Wed 14-Feb-18 13:59:44

Performance parenting often doesn't allow much time for the child to talk or respond.

"oh look, out the window, over there, what is that animal - it's a cow, a cow C...O..W... what noise do they make - Moooo that's right.... Moooo, what colour is it - Brown , well done - is it ALL brown - not that's right it has white on it - those are called patches, what are they called - oh well done....

Shuuuuuuuuuuuuut upppppppppp!

VladmirsPoutine Wed 14-Feb-18 14:01:23

Stop trying to create a row or deep discussion. It is clear to anyone with an iota of sense what the difference is. The difference has been clearly explained to you. Either you feel conscious about it that you had to start the thread or you're looking to cause a row over what it means. Like I said - everyone knows what it is when they see it.

crunchymint Wed 14-Feb-18 14:03:40

Okay I don't know the difference as I have never seen anyone behaving like that

SaskaTchewan Wed 14-Feb-18 14:03:58

If you are thinking about the impression you give around you, like you are now, then yes, you were probably performance parenting.

Having normal discussion with a child or a friend without putting on a show for other people who couldn't give a damn about you is not performance parenting.

JoeyMaynardssolidlump Wed 14-Feb-18 14:06:35

Do people look at you with murderous intent op?

If yes that’s a clue wink

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag Wed 14-Feb-18 14:09:36

I don’t get the ‘performance parenting’ hatred on here either tbh.

I’ve never seen any clear cut case of pp irl. When I’m out, I find parents ignoring their, (horribly behaved), dcs far more annoying than anyone talking to their babies.

RedDogsBeg Wed 14-Feb-18 14:12:53

The difference has been explained to you over and over on other threads, OP, you are being disingenuous now to claim that you don't know what it is. You say you haven't seen anyone behaving like that, others have and have described it clearly, are you insinuating that they are lying?

SweetMoon Wed 14-Feb-18 14:13:18

As long as you weren't ensuring the entire supermarket could hear you and were doing so to get people to watch you so they could see how totally genius your baby is then crack on. Totally normal.

SaskaTchewan Wed 14-Feb-18 14:18:52

Ive never seen any clear cut case of pp irl

Lucky you! I wish I hadn't either.

IHaveACuntingPlan Wed 14-Feb-18 14:23:19

I'd never seen perf parenting before and thought it was made up bollocks until we went to a local NT place when they had a clocks exhibit in the house.

The display was mainly in one room and there was only a small space in the corner by the door for people to have a fairly quick look but one man pushed his way to the front with his v young toddler and started loudly and slowly pointing out the different clocks.

Nothing wrong with that in itself but the child was too young to answer, couldn't give a shit about the clocks, kept trying to escape his dad's clutches and get out of the room and all the while the dad was asking these pointless questions, answering them himself and trying to include me in his performance by talking about the clocks that were by my feet or that I was looking at or was talking to dh about.

I can't really explain it better than this but it was more than him simply trying to engage his child.

Chocywockydodahhhhhh Wed 14-Feb-18 14:31:17

Most people it’s just talking to their children I did not believe performance parenting existed till a few months ago. We were in a cafe and this women was asking what looked like a two year old and three year old very loud questions including
“What is it doing outside darling?”
The kid mumbled something back and the Mum said in a really loud voice
“That’s right darling it’s raining”
The Mum then looked at the other child and said “and what is another word for rain?”
The child again mumbled and she exclaimed
That’s right precipitation that’s so so clever oh you are clever darling
While she was doing this is was looking around and grinning at everyone in the cafe, more and more questions followed and the kids just were not interested but she went on and one
As I said don’t think it existed till I saw this

Bumshkawahwah Wed 14-Feb-18 14:42:24

I've definitely seen it. As someone else says, it's all about the side eye. Of course it's normal to chat to your child and point things out - you're hardly going to sit in silence all the time.

JoeyMaynardssolidlump Wed 14-Feb-18 14:44:21

Seen it loads. I take great pleasure in totally and utterly ignoring the knob parebts.

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