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To be convinced my friends husband is cheating on her?

(16 Posts)
MrsPreston11 Wed 14-Feb-18 12:35:15

Even though I don't have proof, just going by what she says and the fact that he was married, then had an affair, married that woman, then had an affair with my friend and is now married to her.

Each time having one child, even though he insisted he didn't want a third child when he married my friend. But she got pregnant knowing this and said she'd do all the parenting stuff he didn't want to as she doesn't work (other than MLM crap...).

Of course she then moans when he does fuck all, but he's not really to blame, is he?

So he works away from home 5 days a week (he doesn't need to, he could easily get home, but it's "easier for him" to stay away)

He's got another woman, hasn't he?

She would never suspect such a thing, sun shines out of his ass, "he works so hard for us" "he's so wonderful" etc etc

KC225 Wed 14-Feb-18 12:41:55

As none of what you have told us is news to her, maybe he is, and she is choosing to ignore the flags, maybe he isn't and she really does think the sun shines out of his backside.

I wouldn't go looking for proof. No one will thank you for it, least of all your friend. She is a grown up and she made her choices knowing his history. Be there and be her friend when she will need you.

Finola1step Wed 14-Feb-18 12:44:22

Yes, he probably is. But he cheated with her so your friend knows what he is capable of, even if she can't admit it to herself. Smile and nod.

MrsPreston11 Wed 14-Feb-18 12:44:57

Oh I am not in any way ever going to "go looking for proof" nor will I ever be the first to mention my concerns to my friend.

It's exactly because I can't really talk about it that I've posted on here to get it of my chest!

loulou987 Wed 14-Feb-18 12:45:31

What is wrong with you? Why would you want to instigate the digging regarding this? Stop poking your nose in other peoples business & get on with your own life! If your friend ever wants to speak to you about this fair play...but until then butt out!!!

HouseworkIsASin10 Wed 14-Feb-18 12:46:16

What goes around comes around. No sympathy for your friend.

MrsPreston11 Wed 14-Feb-18 12:51:43

@loulou987

Where am I digging?

Calm the fuck down.

TheSnowFairy Wed 14-Feb-18 12:53:04

Lovely friend you are. Disparaging her husband, her choice to have a child - oh, and the MLM she does?

Yeah, right you are... hmm

MoneyWhatMoney Wed 14-Feb-18 13:06:57

I am in the same situation with a friend of mine. Her husband has given her 'the script.' He hasn't been happy for a long time (news to her). They've grown apart (again, news to her). He loves her but isn't in love with her. Having a child has changed them too much (their ds is 4). He is confused / doesn't know what he wants / wants to fall back in love with her / wants his freedom. It's not her fault it's his etc. And then he left, then came back, was a nasty miserable bastard then left again and is now being indecisive while she waits to see what his next move is.

It's horrible to watch, and I would never say this, but I think he's cheating and wants her to end it so he won't be blamed for the end of the marriage. In the meantime she's in bits and analysing every interaction with him.

I think there's a good chance that you're right OP, but I think you need to do what I am, say nothing and be there to pick up the pieces when it goes wrong.

DeathStare Wed 14-Feb-18 13:16:41

Yes he probably is. But you need to stop worrying about this.

She got together with him knowing that he was a serial cheat. She had a child with him knowing that he wasn't going to help or do any parenting. She goes along with the notion that he lives away for work knowing he could come back if he wanted to. And she still thinks he's wonderful.

This arrangement wouldn't work for you (or me) but she knows exactly what the situation is (even if the public impression she gives is denial), she has chosen it and she is happy with it.

You need to stop worrying/dwelling on a situation she is happy with.

MrsPreston11 Wed 14-Feb-18 13:17:04

Sounds a horrible situation.

I'm just being a normal friend right now and assuming one day in future she's going to need my support in a much bigger way.

Your friend must feel so down and the DH sounds like he's being a huge bastard. At least if (when) they do split she'll see it was for the best.

It's just so frustrating for me how much my friend idolises her DH. I feel like is he does cheat she'll make millions of excuses for him, and he'll make it her fault and she'll 100% believe it and end up apologising to him!

It's like he's a celebrity in her eyes. When he gets in even just from the supermarket she runs and jumps all over him kissing him. Even if I'm sat there having a tea. I sometimes wonder if it's all for show, but it doesn't seem to be....

jay55 Wed 14-Feb-18 13:29:57

I know lots of people who work away in the week, common in my industry as it’s often cheaper to be a sun-thurs lodger than pay the peak rail costs.

G120810 Wed 14-Feb-18 13:59:07

He works away so he's cheating and he cheated with her to be with her not a great amount of evidence backing up ure claim of him cheating maybe she's madly in love with him and everything is great with them and she's not making it up

PlanNumber Wed 14-Feb-18 14:05:05

She idolises him but also moans that he doesn't do his share?

You can;t have it both ways.

Queenoftheblitz Wed 14-Feb-18 14:14:37

The fact he works away 5 days a week means she never gets sick and tired of him and flies into his arms after the supermarket run.
There is a chance she's the love of his life and he's not cheating at all.
Some people do mature and change their behaviour.

Lemonyknickers Wed 14-Feb-18 14:28:29

2 years ago best friend and I had a weekend trip planned. Drove off but had car probs, rang her DH several times no answer. Got back to hers a couple of hours later, he comes sprinting downstairs wanting to know why we were home. Basically gave us his car, said he'd sort hers and pushed us out. She said how lovely he was not wanting us to miss the weekend. I'd been behind him and seen a prostitutes card in his back pocket. Still feel guilty about it but won't ever tell her but will be there for her if needed. I think you just have to do the same. You can't tell people what they don't want to hear.

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