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Dh can't attend 20 week scan

(126 Posts)
Thisismydilemma Wed 14-Feb-18 11:17:43

Today is my 20 week scan. I asked dh if he can come and he said he has deadlines at work to meet and can't make it. I am very disappointed he can't come. I don't know if I aibu to feel that way.

Ummmmgogo Wed 14-Feb-18 11:19:04

yanbu at all he is taking liberties what could be more important than his child??

HotCrossBunFight Wed 14-Feb-18 11:19:43

I'd be disappointed. They advise you to not these scans alone because of the very low risk something might be wrong. Have you explained that to DH? Do you have someone else who can come with You?

scurryfunge Wed 14-Feb-18 11:19:44

If he is usually supportive and excited about the pregnancy then I wouldn’t see it as a massive issue.

RitaMills Wed 14-Feb-18 11:21:41

My DP didn’t come to mine because of work, I brought my mum and auntie along with me for company. If I had to go all by myself I probably would’ve felt a bit dissapointed. Do you have someone else to take along with you?

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree Wed 14-Feb-18 11:23:16

yanbu at all he is taking liberties what could be more important than his child??

Oh dont be so ridiculous! Him not being there will not damage the child in any way!! If he goes it’s to support the OP. Whilst that would be great and much apprecitated it isn’t always possible and work is kind of vital to sustaining them as a family. You know, rent, food etc.

scrivette Wed 14-Feb-18 11:24:07

DH didn't come to my first two scans (early scan and 12 week scan) as he was looking after our other children.
Is there anyone else who can go along with you?

Finola1step Wed 14-Feb-18 11:24:23

Context is really important here. If he is usually very interested in the pregnancy and the deadlines are significant, then disappointing but nothing to cause concern.

If you think he is exaggerating the deadlines because he can't be bothered to go to the scan...well that is a very different scenario.

MissMooMoo Wed 14-Feb-18 11:24:33

Is he not coming because his employer has said no to time off? Fathers have the right to unpaid time off to attend 2 appointments during the pregnancy.

Omgsohardtofindanewname Wed 14-Feb-18 11:25:14

How much notice did you give him?
Does he realise it's important to you?

Situp Wed 14-Feb-18 11:25:58

DH didn't come to any scans for this baby. I didn't even get a print of the scan for him as they all look the same to us grin

Obviously if you wanted moral support that is different but I think it is sometimes hard for my DH to be really invested in the baby until it is here. Now she is born he is great with her.

Chienrouge Wed 14-Feb-18 11:27:11

Did you ask him in advance, or did you only ask today?

outputgap Wed 14-Feb-18 11:27:18

I've had concerns flagged at a 20 week scan so for that reason I'd say it's good to have someone along for company.

MagicFajita Wed 14-Feb-18 11:27:55

I hope you have a friend/relative that can come and support you op.

As pps have said , we really need context to know if yabu with regards to your partner.

Lennythelion14 Wed 14-Feb-18 11:29:15

Very reasonable. Can't someone else go with you? 1 of my pregnancies i went alone bar the toddler and the other i went to totally alone,due to husbands work. Your husband loses his job and your screwed at a time of heavy financial pressure. A lot of women go alone or take a friend or relative.

TheTurnOfTheScrew Wed 14-Feb-18 11:29:23

YANBU to be disappointed, although I guess only he knows how crucial the work issue really is. I do think it can be easy to push to the back of one's mind the fact that sometimes scans reveal issues that can be stressful or upsetting.

DH was unable to come to the 20 week scan for DC1, which did reveal some issues of concern, and it was very worrying for me to be alone in the room while the sonographer scurried off to find the consultant, who then informed me of suspected problems. If he really cannot come (and that may be the case) I agree that it's worth taking someone else for support.

GreenTulips Wed 14-Feb-18 11:30:37

I took my nan - theyddisnt have scans in 'those' days - she was fascinated

TheTurnOfTheScrew Wed 14-Feb-18 11:31:18

sorry, on reflection that's probably a needlessly anxiety-provoking post. And I should add that DC1 was fine in the end. But YANBU to want to be supported.

LagunaBubbles Wed 14-Feb-18 11:32:01

It's not unreasonable to be disappointed, just take someone else. My DH couldn't come to one of mine because of work commitments, it's not easy but it really doesn't matter overall if everything else is ok.

Sarsparella Wed 14-Feb-18 11:33:57

If he’s been to everything else and is generally suppprtive I don’t think it’s the end of the world.

If it’s highlighting a wider issue that he’s not really that bothered or prioritising the pregnancy & planning for the baby yes of course that’s a problem.

Impossible to say which it is without more details!

HollyBayTree Wed 14-Feb-18 11:35:48

Priorities will always be a roof over your head and the mortgage/rent paid.

DenPerry Wed 14-Feb-18 11:36:42

I agree that it depends on context.. DP was very much involved in my pregnancies but I had most appointments on my own, it's fine. And the people saying "just take someone else", many people don't have anyone else who could go.

InsomniacAnonymous Wed 14-Feb-18 11:37:47

My husband didn't come to any of my scans, I didn't expect him to. He had to work and it would have meant taking the whole day off as he had a long commute. I went on my own.

PinkHeart5914 Wed 14-Feb-18 11:38:22

Depends on his job and how important this deadline is he might not simply be able to come, yes it’s a bit sad but presumably his job and this deadline at least help pay the bills and as long as he has been supportive with the pregnancy in other ways, it’s ok.

I’m sure you can find someone to go with you if you like one of your parents, a friend, grandma ?

Gatehouse77 Wed 14-Feb-18 11:38:48

I'd be disappointed but only pissed off if I thought he was actively avoiding it.

Life gets in the way of living sometimes.

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