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To ask if anyone else's young children fight so much?

(10 Posts)
westeringhome Wed 14-Feb-18 10:42:55

As well as two much older boys I have dd1 (3), dd2 (17mo) and ds3 (3mo). DDs got along ok, but after ds3 was born they just started scrapping and haven't stopped. Dd1 can't tolerate dd2, she has huge tantrums when dd2 even goes near any toy. My usual response is to say no, dd2's turn, you'll get a go afterwards, here play with this instead, or oh look there's an aeroplane/car/tractor outside and the distraction used to work. Now she starts upturning toyboxes and throwing stuff around, so she gets calmly removed, plonked in the hallway and told NO. Cue more screaming. She is always trying to butt dd2 out of the way or push her and grab things off off her. DD2 however waits til dd1 has set up say a picnic for example then runs off with something from it, cue chasing pushing, screaming etc, they seem to really hate each other for all the age of them. I thought maybe jealousy of the new baby, taking it out on each other?? They're both so lovely to him but nasty to eachother. Poor ds3 can't feed in peace as I ALWAYs have to jump up n sort out some carry on or other, is anyone else's kids like this and if so how did you deal with it? Their dad is great and takes over pretty much as soon as he gets in but I actually really dread my days with them. It's always a shitstorm by 10am. Sorry if it seems like a ramble.

SoftSheen Wed 14-Feb-18 10:47:14

Has DD1 started nursery yet? Having a bit of space away from her sister, and in a different environment, might help (her and you!). No doubt both DDs are still adjusting to the arrival of their new brother, though my 3 yo DS can also behave in a similar way despite being the youngest!

HollyBayTree Wed 14-Feb-18 10:52:00

Im of no help - same situation - now in their 20s and still hate each other.

AnyUsernameWillDo75 Wed 14-Feb-18 10:54:29

Poor ds3 can't feed in peace as I ALWAYs have to jump up n sort out some carry on or other
Given that that is a major consequence of their behaviour, you might be right that they're jealous and don't know how to express it. Baby brother is taking your time away from them and they want it back. When my youngest was born, my other DS(2.5) did this during feeding time. He used to find all sorts of things that made me interrupt the feeding and look after him. Eventually before every feeding, I put him somewhere safe (in his bedroom with his toys), making sure he wasn't hungry etc, sat in the same room with him and closed the door (so he couldn't wander off) and didn't interrupt the feeding no matter what he did. It took about a week but he got used to not interrupting. I also talked to him/told him a story while feeding the baby.
I know it's different as you have two other DC not one, but could you try something similar? Limit the space you're all in, make sure it's safe and keep them distracted with a book/DVD?

AnyUsernameWillDo75 Wed 14-Feb-18 10:55:14

And I'm sure you already do this but maybe one on one time with each DD when baby is sleeping or with his dad?

HateSummer Wed 14-Feb-18 11:06:09

My 10, 6 and 4 year olds fight on and off all day. Sometimes it’s 2 against 1, or all against each other. But they equally play well together too. During holidays the fighting steps up a couple gears as they’re sick of the sight of each other. Sorry, but I think it’s normal for siblings to be like this. I agree with pp send the eldest to nursery to get some time away. I really believe absence makes the heart grow fonder! My kids play better after school when they’ve not been in each other’s faces all day!

MrsBobDylan Wed 14-Feb-18 11:20:00

I think it might be partly a consequence of their ages, dd3 is at an age where she will be very territorial, while dad 17mths is at an age where she literally can’t consider anyone else’s needs or view points. My strategy in your shoes would be to divide and conquer! As much as possible, keep them physically separate. If they both want the same toy, put it on a shelf and tell them to each find another. Zone off areas of the room and make it clear they are each queen of their own domain. When they feel confident of their own space, they may be happier to share.

It will get better as they get older, in the meantime here’s some cakecake

dontforgetbilly Wed 14-Feb-18 11:41:38

It can't be easy having a younger sibling who wants whatever you are playing with. When ds started this with his big sister we got her her own 'special toy' and a box to keep it in. This was her toy and she could keep it to herself and we supported her in this. Everything else was to share, and sort out between themselves although if they couldn't it whatever toy was being argued over was removed. I also spent time explaining to dd that her wee brother wanted to do what she was doing because he loved her and wanted to be like her, so although he may be annoying it was only because he thought she was super and that it would be kind to include him in games.

They still argue occasionally and I wasn't brave enough to go for a 3rd so not same situation as you but I do believe these little things helped.
Hope things get easier soon!flowers

ittakes2 Wed 14-Feb-18 12:06:13

Yes - mine do but they are twins. Parenting workshop suggested instead of telling them what I want them to stop doing ie stop fighting - I should be telling them what I want them to do ie talk nicely to each other etc and I guess make positive comments when they do. I also suspect it’s partly me - they drive me mad and I yell at them to speak nicely to each other when I should obviously be modelling speaking nicely!!

Oskpeturs Tue 27-Feb-18 14:57:53

Hi! Would any of you lovely ladies be willing to have a chat with me about sibling rivalry. I'm making an online talk show for the Nurture Channel (Youtube & Facebook) and we're looking for people to talk about when their kids don't get on. Message me if you're interested in talking further. x

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