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Self love? Self value?

(15 Posts)
hotdogsfortea Tue 13-Feb-18 21:17:19

How the fuck do you love and respect yourself?

(Assuming everyone else knows how to do this)

Justanotherzombie Tue 13-Feb-18 21:22:13

Well, I'm pretty important to me. I love other people too but I think I'm the only one totally responsible for me. So I like to take good care of myself.

tigercub50 Tue 13-Feb-18 21:36:22

It’s bloody hard! And actually it took me going through some incredibly tough times to make me realise that what I think & feel is important & that I do matter. My latest affirmation is “ I am good enough”. For too long I thought I wasn’t. I would make myself ill trying to fix other people or trying to please everybody but now I take a step back & cherish myself a little more ❤️

DottyDotts Tue 13-Feb-18 21:40:56

I think its a process of learning to love yourself. Its not easy but repeating it to yourself alot can help. I think Im getting better at it but it is not easy. Im trying to like the way I look just as I am at the moment which again, is very hard. I have been working through some books I have bought to help me.

RickOShay Tue 13-Feb-18 21:45:02

Try forgiving yourself for your mistakes big or small. Another thing I do is remember times when I felt inadequate or lonely, and I sort of hug that me.
I also don’t feel sorry for myself anymore, or not so often grin
I have exchanged self pity for self respect.

FarmerSee Tue 13-Feb-18 21:48:14

Hard isn't it OP?

I'm still working on that one too. Mid 30s and still no idea after an entire childhood of bullying, and abusive parents. It left me vulnerable and open to further bullying from romantic partners and work colleagues into my adulthood.

I've been left with severe depression and social anxiety.

BUT I did eventually meet a man who worships the ground I walk on and have a son who shows me a mass of affection each and every day. My in-laws are all lovely and welcomed me into the family. They love me too. So when I find myself getting seriously self-loathing and unable to see anything likeable about myself, I remind myself of the people that love me despite what I may think of myself.

FluffyWuffy100 Tue 13-Feb-18 22:03:15

Why wouldn’t you love yourself?

Cupofcake Tue 13-Feb-18 22:05:23

If only it was that easy!

museumum Tue 13-Feb-18 22:05:41

I’m not conscious of loving myself but neither do I hate myself or put myself down or bully myself.
I would never call anyone else an ugly fat cow so neither do I do it to myself.

000bourneFarm Tue 13-Feb-18 22:07:47

It is hard, but you must remember the more you do the stronger you become and the stronger you become the more you can do for those you love and those you wish to help.

Ekphrasis Tue 13-Feb-18 22:10:59

Self acceptance comes first I think.

I've learnt to accept my inadequacies and mistakes, forgive myself, even laugh at them. I think the love comes after being able to do this.

Self value is hard as we've been conditioned to measure ourselves often by our academic / career achievements but this is false as then when they're gone what's left?

Value I think comes with time after self love and self acceptance.

LoveMySituation Tue 13-Feb-18 22:12:26

I don't know OP. Like the last poster, I was bullied and had abusive parents. I do have a 13 year old son, but he doesn't live with me, or want anything to do with me. I struggle with feeling worthless, useless and unloved a lot of the time. I think I always did due to my past, it's just now I realise it.I think if you have people who love you around, it's a lot easier, even if you're doing it just for them initially. If there is no one around, I'd say that voluntary work helps with feeling better about yourself, and that you do have worth, and a reason to be

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 13-Feb-18 22:15:24

What @Justanotherzombie said. I adore other people. I put myself out for them. A lot of my life is about making other people happy.

I have a wonderful DH who does more things than I can count to make me feel valued and great about myself. But I was a whole person who functioned entirely well before I met him and at the end of the day I’m the only one who’s really responsible for my own happiness and wellbeing and it’s my job to look after myself.

It’s the cup metaphor I can’t remember, but when I’m exhausted, too stressed, not liking after myself I have less to offer anyone else. When I’m rested, fed, healthy, fulfilled, I’m far nicer to be around!

One of the main ways of looking after myself is learning to say no. Working out the difference between wants and needs when choosing when to put myself and others first.

Part of loving yourself and being kind to yourself is knowing you don’t HAVE to put yourself out when others will manage perfectly fine on their own. Amazingly liberating.

donajimena Tue 13-Feb-18 22:16:42

Is this a relationship or just in life?
I guess they go hand in hand. I read a relationship website called baggage reclaim and after about 6 months my self esteem sky rocketed

Midge1978 Tue 13-Feb-18 22:34:31

My new years resolution was to be kinder to myself. It's a work in progress but basically it means taking on only what I can cope with, making time to do the things I love (reading novels), having the courage to answer back to rudeness and letting go of self criticism, doubt and guilt enough so that they don't dominate my thoughts. I seem to be laughing at life more too.

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