Who is BU? Playdate

[Soopydoopy]

A couple of weeks ago, SIL asked if her DS (7) could come play with my DS (18 months) as her DS really likes my DS. Very cute for an older kid to want to spend time with a toddler so I happily agreed.

She suggested Wednesday and I agreed, details TBC later. I texted her this evening and suggested that they come in the morning and stay for lunch, then just assuming they'd wander off as my DS would have his nap.

She had hoped she could drop her DS off for the whole day while she did other stuff. She says it's crossed wires and her DS is desperate to spend the day with us and just assumed it would be all day.

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. Would other parents here assume that a playdate with a toddler would last all day and their parent would not be present?

Thanks

[trinity0097]

It’s not a play date, it’s free childcare!

[Sparklingbrook]

Is it not a bit different because it's family?

[usualGubbins]

That's not a playdate, that's you babysitting. She's a CF

[Snowydaysarehere]

She is a cf.

[underneaththeash]

I'm cynical but I suspect she's got something on in the afternoon and needs all day childcare.

Explain that your DS still naps in the afternoon, so there's no point in her DS staying later than lunch time and then see what she says. It's possible she's forgotten that toddlers often nap after lunch.

[Claydermansgirl]

Great. Ask her when she can reciprocate

[HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone]

What your SIL said - My child is desperate to play with your child despite a large age gap.

What your SIL meant - I want a child free day but don't want to ask for you to babysit.

She is being ridiculously unreasonable.

[Phillipa12]

She is being a cf.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Well I suppose you could come to some arrangement where she reciprocates another day and has your son for the day?

As it stands this is less playdate, more It's half term and I want someone to look after my 7 year old.

[MakeItRain]

Yes, she wants free child care. I think I'd nip it in the bud with a reply like, "oh no, that is crossed wires then. Ds couldn't cope with a whole day, he naps frequently and would probably get tired and grumpy with company all day but your ds would be ok to come from 11 til 1 and have a bit of lunch and a play if he likes?"

[TrappedAndLost]

Since its family I suppose let it slide.
But it would have been nice if she had just been honest and said she was on a bit of a pickle.

[Iluvthe80s]

What MakeItRain said SIL is being a seriously CF!

[Peachyking000]

I’m maybe in a minority here but I think that families should help each other out with babysitting - we all do. Though she obviously should have made it clear what she was asking for to start with. Surely a 7 year old helping to entertain your toddler will be a good thing?

[Soopydoopy]

We've not shared childcare before though the families normally see each other about once a month. I think if she's come out and asked me to look after him for the day I would have been okay about it, but I've never had a 7 year old, I wouldn't know what to do with one, and especially not when my DS is down for his afternoon nap and we can't leave the house.

DH says he would take DN for the whole day, but like a PP said, I wonder if I don't deal with it now it might become a regular thing!

[cherryontopp]

I wouldnt let this slide, family or no family.

She'll make a habit out of doing this. What can a 7 year old do with a 1 year old? Say he was bored out of his head and its best not to do it again

[Leeds2]

Given it is family, and assuming she doesn't have a track record for cheeky fuckery, I would let it go.
If she is a CF, I would reply that in that case, could she pick her DS up at 12/1, given your DS will be asleep and there is not much point in her DS staying.

[londonrach]

Seriously having my dn over (aged 8) is amazing. She and dd play for hours! Id say about the nap and be honest to sil sayimg do you need help with childcare. You family. If she needs help and you can do it...do it. If not...dont. Be sil needs to stop calling this a playdate.

[Leeds2]

It won't become a regular thing if you just say "no" the next time it is suggested. And if your DH says "yes", he can be the one to do the looking after, taking a day off work if necessary.

[aaaaargghhhhelpme]

I'd say what makeitrain said

If you don't before you know it she'll be dropping Dn over for whole weeks during Easter and summer holidays.

Sorry but she's totally using you

[Soopydoopy]

Peachy - I quite agree, but I just think she might well be being duplicitous about it and I don't really react well to that. Plus I have other stuff planned for tomorrow afternoon and don't really want to cancel it!

[AnathemaPulsifer]

I have other stuff planned for tomorrow afternoon and don't really want to cancel it!

There you go then. Her thinking she's manoeuvred you into free childcare doesn't trump your other plans. Just say no!

[Pluckedpencil]

Ah no if you have plans then you have plans! Just say, ah sorry, totally crossed wires. I thought it was just the morning and I'm actually not at home in the afternoon. Does he still want to come for a bit in the morning?

[newyearsameme80]

You were premature to plan other stuff for the afternoon before you had finalised when the relative was coming though weren't you?

[Soopydoopy]

He's going to come for a couple of hours in the morning. I do think she's most likely being a CF but I still feel guilty about it all!

[Soopydoopy]

Newyear- exactly, maybe I was. It just never occurred to me that a playdate would include nap time of one of the children. That's why I asked here - to see if I was BU