DH and I just had the only big fight where we've gone to bed without resolution, and I feel like it was my fault. Appreciate anyone's perspective - sorry it's long.
DH is from Latin America, and moved here for me. He's had mixed experiences as a migrant, but is settled enough to buy a flat together and TTC. We visit his family every 18-24 months for 4-5 weeks. I'm completely happy to do this. And while I'd prefer not to stay with the ILs, I do it because it's important to him. We visit my siblings (5hrs away) every 6-8 weeks for a weekend, and he comes about 70% of the time because of work.
He said my MIL and SIL are gunning to visit us for a month next year. I was excited for him, and mentally began planning where we can take them, how to apply for their visas, how I can take time off work etc. I mentioned we could travel outside of school holidays to be able to take them around properly, and he took that as me not wanting to spend money on them. I know that we'll pay for everything, and all I was thinking is that if they had flexible travel dates, it would be good to do the same activities more affordably. But then he clarified that there's no flexibility with those dates.
Anyway, the main issue was that later on, I became anxious that theoretically, their visit could fall smack bang on a due date. I stewed on it but decided to be open with him and suggest pausing TTC in the appropriate month to avoid that scenario. My thinking was I'd want to have a great visit with them and I wanted them to come whenever suits them, but I wouldn't want to host visitors for the first few weeks after birth. There's no language barrier, but I'm an independent, introvert and I can imagine what I'd want after a life-changing physical experience. I wouldn't want my own family to stay either.
He got really worked up about it, and said he'd want his family around for support and help for both of us, and that it would be a special experience. Despite everything we talked about, I think he feels like I don't want them to come and that I'm not as family-oriented as he'd like, which is deeply troubling to him.
So as not to dripfeed, I am seeing a psychologist for anxiety and related issues, which stemmed from an awful family breakdown when I was a young adult. I know I have a tendency to catastrophise and it's pointless to get worked up about something that might never happen. But I did, and I've also learned that I do need to speak up instead of panicking by myself.
So - hit me, how badly WIBU? Thanks.
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AIBU?
Big row with DH about IL visit - WIBU?
66 replies
EmiliaAirheart · 13/02/2018 20:00
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