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Is this amount too low? Or is she just being horrible.

(201 Posts)
lovecomfythings Tue 13-Feb-18 18:22:39

My dh's ex keeps sending him really horrible, vile messages saying that he doesn't pay enough for his children. She makes him out to be a terrible person and in my opinion the messages are pretty abusive.

He pays her £550 a month for two children and has them two evenings in the week and on Sundays but they rarely stay over. This is a large proportion of his income and he doesn't have much left over. She earns a good wage, has her partners income, child benefits and no child care costs. She claims she is destitute.

But the way she says things with such venom show that she really believes he is a terrible deadbeat who pays the minimum. Is the amount too low? The way she goes on about it I'm starting to question myself.
He's starting to feel quite down about it, the comments putting him down are affecting his self esteem and he thinks he's a bad dad (despite nothing I see suggesting so!). We feel quite anxious never knowing when another abusive rant is coming in.

The thing is though she's as nice as pie in person. It's like Jekyll and Hyde. But I don't know how I will make polite convo with her knowing that she sends my Dh these awful messages. I am shy though and hate arguments so would always be polite to her anyway.

So do you think this amount is ok?

FizzyGreenWater Tue 13-Feb-18 18:24:04

Has your boyfriend used the cms calculator?

Winosaurus Tue 13-Feb-18 18:24:42

Work out what he should be paying using the CMS calculator and compare. If he is paying at least that amount (bear in mind that amount is the bear legal minimum) then it’s fair for both him and his ex

Winosaurus Tue 13-Feb-18 18:25:02

*bare legal minimum

blackteasplease Tue 13-Feb-18 18:25:39

Yes you've got to use the calculator to have any idea if it's right. We can't tell from this. It would be alot from some and not enough from others.

Anymajordude Tue 13-Feb-18 18:25:43

Yes, best to be official and do it through CMS then you'll know it's fair.

juneau Tue 13-Feb-18 18:26:02

Well it depends how much he earns, how much she earns and whether it's a fair amount based on those things - otherwise it's a 'How long is a piece of string' question. Is this amount court or CSA mandated, was it worked out between them, or did he just decide on the amount himself? if it's the latter and you both think it's more than fair, would it be worth talking to the CSA about what an appropriate amount is? In the end, it's not up to the ex's new DP to fund the DC, so in fairness you should discount that (in the same way that you don't mention your own income).

Leiaorganashair Tue 13-Feb-18 18:26:29

seconding the CMS calculator. It completely depends on what he's earning.

toastyarmadillo Tue 13-Feb-18 18:27:41

Her income doesn't come into it btw

lovecomfythings Tue 13-Feb-18 18:28:50

He's my husband. It is a little more than what the calculator suggests. He honestly couldn't afford any more though.

lovecomfythings Tue 13-Feb-18 18:30:03

I'm more worried about the abusive rants really. They are really affecting him very badly. I'm worried about him.

Namesarehard Tue 13-Feb-18 18:31:29

Not some thing I've needed to have myself but I'm sure it's 15% of his wage he needs to pay (as a minimum). If she's paying £500 a month and doesn't have much left over it sounds like he's paying well above what he needs to.

OutyMcOutface Tue 13-Feb-18 18:31:49

That seems extremely low for two children to me but it really depends on her own income and lifestyle.

Flomy Tue 13-Feb-18 18:32:31

Tell him.to block her.

lovecomfythings Tue 13-Feb-18 18:34:02

@OutyMcOutface how much would you suggest is fair?

LucyMorningStar Tue 13-Feb-18 18:34:06

Outy, extremely low???? You must have had some privileged background hmm

FranticallyPeaceful Tue 13-Feb-18 18:36:32

Sorry but if your DP wants to pay more than what’s legally required then he should be allowed to. His ex may be being a dick but why take that out on the kids?

Yabvu

Ohlellykelly Tue 13-Feb-18 18:37:05

I would be over the moon if my ex paid me anything like that!

Ignore her abusive texts, and continue to pay the amount he has to according to the cms calculator.

She's a nasty piece of work I think.

wowbutter Tue 13-Feb-18 18:37:30

I think that seems on the high side of normal. Especially as he has them for days as well.
Sounds fair enough. But it's hard to know without knowing his wage. If it's higher than the cms calculator, then it's fine.
Can he not tell her if she doesn't pack it in with the abuse he will reduce it to what the child maintenance service suggest?

Ohlellykelly Tue 13-Feb-18 18:37:56

I'm lucky if I get £30 every few weeks!

Tors33 Tue 13-Feb-18 18:38:55

My ex partner only pays 165 a month for 2 children

lovecomfythings Tue 13-Feb-18 18:39:08

I'm confused @FranticallyPeaceful I haven't suggested he pay less? I am asking if he should pay more? Remember though the 550 is only to cover half and he does need to be able to afford to do things with them when he has them himself.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally Tue 13-Feb-18 18:39:23

Well if his ex is also contributing 550 a month as she should be that's £1100 a month. More than half my monthly income.

His ex is being a knob.

Pemba Tue 13-Feb-18 18:40:20

How can we say if we don't know his income? Sounds like a decent amount of money to me, but if I knew he was a very high earner I might change my mind.

Winteriscoming18 Tue 13-Feb-18 18:41:42

You just said the cm calculator said it was just a little less than what he’s already paying.

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