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To think this is normal?

(12 Posts)
Lola247 Tue 13-Feb-18 18:20:36

My new Dd is only 16 days old and I am struggling. I spend most of the day dreading the night, especially now my dh is back at work and I’m doing most of the feeds/changes on my own. (I’ve insisted on this as his work involves a lot of driving). Breastfeeding has all but stopped as baby was only settling after a bottle of formula. I cry that I’ve ‘failed’ her every time I give her a bottle. I’d still like to go back to breastfeeding but I’m to afraid of unsettling her. During the day I will gladly pass her to anybody, if a stranger asked I’d probably oblige. I die inside when I hear her begin to wake up. I feel so bad about this. I adore her but I just feel so useless and compared to my husband who is a complete natural. I had a bad delivery and am still suffering with episiotomy stitches etc and a bad back from the epidural so not yet back to feeling myself. I suppose what I want to ask is is this normal or am I beginning to suffer from postnatal depression. Does anyone have any similar stories to share?

DaviesMum Tue 13-Feb-18 18:35:40

What you are feeling is not unusual, OP. It could post-natal, I would certainly speak to your GP or HV.

Sparklingbrook Tue 13-Feb-18 18:36:35

I felt a bit like that at first. I was kind of relieved when the baby slept because they didn't need me for anything. I would panic if they woke up and I wouldn't know what they wanted.

It might be worth having a chat with your GP. It's very early days and it's such a culture shock to begin with-everything's different.

I too had to give up with the BF due to a range of problems and felt the guilt of giving the baby a bottle at first.

Slowly things will change and as you get to grips with it all it will get easier. flowers

FissionChips Tue 13-Feb-18 18:38:02

Your husband will be handling it better as he’s not just grown and given birth to a human! grin

Be kind to yourself, formula is perfectly fine.

Do speak to your HV , they can be a great source of support.

DaisyChainsForever Tue 13-Feb-18 18:38:08

I'm sorry you feel like this. Have you seen a breast feeding specialist? Your health visitor may be able to put you in contact with one (mine did). Hormones are all over the place after birth, go easy on yourself.

kitkatsky Tue 13-Feb-18 18:40:01

Don’t bear yourself up. Almost everyone feels like this, but almost nobody has the guts to admit to it.

MuffinTip Tue 13-Feb-18 18:44:38

Sounds like you're finding it tough OP. Go easy on yourself. Do you have family/support nearby? Or anyone you can talk to about how you are feeling? It might be worth having a chat with your GP. If you would like to continue with breastfeeding there is lots of support out there. You could ask your HV. Do you have a breastfeeding drop in in your area? When my DD was born it was great for meeting other mums and getting some help with feeding issues

Lifeisabeach09 Tue 13-Feb-18 18:51:40

Sounds like anxiety. Definitely speak to HV and GP for support.
As for feeding, have you considered combination of breast and formula? It'll take some of the pressure off breastfeeding but still keeping you doing it, if that's what you want.
I promise things will get easier. As PP said, it's a complete culture shock and life change. It takes adapting to.

Ohyesiam Tue 13-Feb-18 18:54:03

Op, I could have written this. Please don't give yourself a hard time, so many people feel the same, but many won't say it.
I felt like I was drowning when I had my first.
The fact that your time is no longer your own, the responsibility that this little person would quickly perish without your attention. I has a really responsible job before I became a mum, and still I felt the burden of it really strongly.

Your hormones will settle, you will get the hang of it. I found it helpf to try and find ways to feel like me. A bit of lipstick, five minutes on the phone to a friend, anything from for old life.

She's 13 now, and I hate it when she's away fuo the weekend.
It will get better. X

Backenette Tue 13-Feb-18 19:03:32

Having a newborn is so so hard. Stop beating yourself up. A lot of what you describe is normal but yes, it does sound like a possible PND and you know what? That’s pretty normal too, in the sense that a LOT of women get it and it can be treated.

Talk to your midwife or HV. Show her the post ifvyou have to - she will have seen this so many times and she can refer you to people who can help.

Milk: yes it’s possible to restart breastfeeding. You can get support from your local BF cafe or la Leche league or a breastfeeding support service. And if it doesn’t work out DO NOT beat yourself up about it. Breast milk is fab and all that but formula is totally fine too.

I struggled a lot with bf - in the end I cracked it but it was really hard. And I get so guilty! And now I’m pregnant again I will be mix feeding this one, because I found BF so tiring and would prefer DH to be able to help out. So do t feel guilty - fed really is best.

Talk to your HV - this is basically what they are there for, and go easy on yourself. Your body is still reeling from birth, your hormones are all over the place and you’re shattered and a bit shocked. flowers it’s really tough

Madonnasmum Tue 13-Feb-18 19:05:02

I was exactly the same. I remember crying when my DH went to work and my mum went home for her tea. I just didn't know what to do. I didn't tell anyone but I wish I had. I found it all really difficult and by the time I plucked up the courage to tell my midwife she was swapped for another so I decided to just crack on. With hindsight I wish I'd told someone instead of being miserable.

Felixandtheflippers Tue 13-Feb-18 19:10:33

Hi OP, firstly flowers. You are doing a great job. Mummy guilt is horrible and presents itself throughout your child’s life. Have you ever thought about expressing? You wouldn’t need to worry about upsetting your new routine and your LO would still be getting breast milk. I used to find that the noise from the expressing machine sent my LO into a deep sleep too! Please do talk to someone though. Best wishes.

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