My new Dd is only 16 days old and I am struggling. I spend most of the day dreading the night, especially now my dh is back at work and I’m doing most of the feeds/changes on my own. (I’ve insisted on this as his work involves a lot of driving). Breastfeeding has all but stopped as baby was only settling after a bottle of formula. I cry that I’ve ‘failed’ her every time I give her a bottle. I’d still like to go back to breastfeeding but I’m to afraid of unsettling her. During the day I will gladly pass her to anybody, if a stranger asked I’d probably oblige. I die inside when I hear her begin to wake up. I feel so bad about this. I adore her but I just feel so useless and compared to my husband who is a complete natural. I had a bad delivery and am still suffering with episiotomy stitches etc and a bad back from the epidural so not yet back to feeling myself. I suppose what I want to ask is is this normal or am I beginning to suffer from postnatal depression. Does anyone have any similar stories to share?
AIBU?
I felt a bit like that at first. I was kind of relieved when the baby slept because they didn't need me for anything. I would panic if they woke up and I wouldn't know what they wanted.
It might be worth having a chat with your GP. It's very early days and it's such a culture shock to begin with-everything's different.
I too had to give up with the BF due to a range of problems and felt the guilt of giving the baby a bottle at first.
Slowly things will change and as you get to grips with it all it will get easier. 
Your husband will be handling it better as he’s not just grown and given birth to a human! 
Be kind to yourself, formula is perfectly fine.
Do speak to your HV , they can be a great source of support.
Sounds like anxiety. Definitely speak to HV and GP for support.
As for feeding, have you considered combination of breast and formula? It'll take some of the pressure off breastfeeding but still keeping you doing it, if that's what you want.
I promise things will get easier. As PP said, it's a complete culture shock and life change. It takes adapting to.
Having a newborn is so so hard. Stop beating yourself up. A lot of what you describe is normal but yes, it does sound like a possible PND and you know what? That’s pretty normal too, in the sense that a LOT of women get it and it can be treated.
Talk to your midwife or HV. Show her the post ifvyou have to - she will have seen this so many times and she can refer you to people who can help.
Milk: yes it’s possible to restart breastfeeding. You can get support from your local BF cafe or la Leche league or a breastfeeding support service. And if it doesn’t work out DO NOT beat yourself up about it. Breast milk is fab and all that but formula is totally fine too.
I struggled a lot with bf - in the end I cracked it but it was really hard. And I get so guilty! And now I’m pregnant again I will be mix feeding this one, because I found BF so tiring and would prefer DH to be able to help out. So do t feel guilty - fed really is best.
Talk to your HV - this is basically what they are there for, and go easy on yourself. Your body is still reeling from birth, your hormones are all over the place and you’re shattered and a bit shocked. it’s really tough
Hi OP, firstly . You are doing a great job. Mummy guilt is horrible and presents itself throughout your child’s life. Have you ever thought about expressing? You wouldn’t need to worry about upsetting your new routine and your LO would still be getting breast milk. I used to find that the noise from the expressing machine sent my LO into a deep sleep too! Please do talk to someone though. Best wishes.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.