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To consider telling everyone the truth

(248 Posts)
Choc0lat Tue 13-Feb-18 13:59:32

Afternoon. I'm posting because I'm completely exhausted with feeling the way I do about my DB and having to keep quiet about this situation. I can't go into every little detail as I don't want to be outed on here but here goes. I have two brothers, one older and one younger. The younger one and I get on really well but my older db is a complete nightmare and even more so since he met his wife to be. My db is obsessive by nature, extremely money driven and is all me me me. He pretends to care about other people and will do things for people but it's easy to see that he resents it and it's all an act.

So, just before Christmas he announced to the family that he and his partner had come into a fairly substantial amount of money. He claimed his girlfriend had won it online playing bingo and no one thought anymore of it. We congratulated them both and as expected got on with our own lives. However there were a few things that weren't adding up when I thought about it and occasionally they'd act cagey but again, i never thought any more of it.

That was until a few days ago my partner was in the pub having a drink with a friend after work and a mutual friend of his and my brothers came over and asked for a word. This man is a long trusted friend and friend of the family and he said he had something important to tell my partner. He told him that my db and his girlfriend didn't win a penny online and that the money came from somewhere else. I can't say were exactly but let's just say it's not legal. My dp told me about this when he got back home and I have thought of nothing else since.

Like I said I completely trust this person and whilst I love my db I can't say I trust him in the same way as I know him though and through and he is relentless, driven and will stop at nothing to get what he wants no matter who gets hurt or how risky it is. Now I'm wondering what do I do with this information.

I felt pure disgust and anger when I found out and feel that my db is a complete disgrace. What he has done is incredibly risky, immoral and even more so when you factor in the they have a young baby that needs taking care of. What gets me is that he goes around pretending he's perfect, he judges me on my life when I don't hurt anyone, will do anything for my friends and family and usually keep my nose out of other people's business.

I know he didn't have to but he hasn't provided any proof that he and his girlfriend won this money and knowing him the way I do I'm pretty certain what has been said about him is true. If it were me who had come into such an amount of money I wouldn't be telling all and sundry but I'd no doubt show my parents, friends and family the cheque I'd received or a picture of my big fat bank account. I know that people are different but like I've already said I know my db and he would be shouting it from the rooftops an showing everyone if he'd really won that money. My parents think the sun shines out of his backside and haven't a clue what's been going on so now I need to decide what to do. Just do me a favour though, say anything you want but don't accuse me of beig jelalois, ie of his money or the attention he gets from my parents. I'm a grown adult and I'm not driven by money, I'm driven by my kids, partner, living life etc. My parents are amazing and treat all three of us the same but they, like the rest of our family are being lied to day in day out and I don't think it's fair. Any advice welcome.

FannyWisdom Tue 13-Feb-18 14:01:53

Not your circus.
Not your monkeys.

Choc0lat Tue 13-Feb-18 14:03:06

Care to elaborate?

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Tue 13-Feb-18 14:05:06

Thing is you don't know if it's the truth or not. If it matters that much to you you could ask which site it was on, how much was it again etc etc to trip up the stories, or if there is proof of this illegal activity you could go to police, but without any of that you'll just look petty and jealous. Go low contact, let him live his life and you get on with yours!

Snowysky20009 Tue 13-Feb-18 14:05:16

Basically stay out of it she's saying.

banannabreadforme Tue 13-Feb-18 14:05:25

What does your husband think you should do?
I'd deny all knowledge and leave them to it.

Picklepickle123 Tue 13-Feb-18 14:06:01

I think you need to ask yourself what you would like to happen. If the money came from an illegal source, would you like the police to be involved? If so, you can anonymously report him. If you find him unbearable, go LC. I know it's hard when it's your own family, but you'll feel better for it.

FannyWisdom Tue 13-Feb-18 14:06:08

Aye I can elaborate.

Keep your nose out.

birdladyfromhomealone Tue 13-Feb-18 14:07:43

Please tell us how he got the money so I can give you my opinion as a Mum of adult children whether I would want to know that of my son.

upsideup Tue 13-Feb-18 14:07:58

I would leave him to it, you can go NC with our DB if you want.

RadioDorothy Tue 13-Feb-18 14:08:13

If he is involved in any kind of financial crime, or if there has been tax evasion, you should report it - an online search should help guide you in terms of how and what to do, and I believe you can do it anonymously.

TheViceOfReason Tue 13-Feb-18 14:08:17

It's nothing to do with you.

EnglandKeepMyBones Tue 13-Feb-18 14:08:27

Your options are report him, or keep out of it.

AdoraBell Tue 13-Feb-18 14:08:35

I think you should just leave it. Hopefully he will come unstuck at some point.

In the meantime just live your life and ignore the judging and bragging. Concentrate on your family and try not to get dragged into his.

Thistlebelle Tue 13-Feb-18 14:08:43

You don’t know whether it’s true.

Personally I’d ask my brother directly.

Choc0lat Tue 13-Feb-18 14:08:48

My dp is conflicted like me. He knows it would upset certain family members but then at the same time my dp shouldn't be allowed to get away with what he's doing. I had to start distancing myself from him as it was getting to much having to sit and listen on to all his drivel and lies, only I still hear things second hand through other family members.

Plumsofwrath Tue 13-Feb-18 14:09:22

What, deep down, are you truly confused about? That’s he’s duplicitous? That’s he’s done something illegal? That he could end up in prison and his child suffering? That your parents revere him and not you when you’re the better child?

Until you’re really honest with yourself, you won’t be able to move on. Until you get to that point, don’t involve anyone else in this.

Luckyaide Tue 13-Feb-18 14:09:24

Despite your understandable feelings, I would keep out of it. I can't see how in any way you or those close to you can benefit from knowing what may or may not be the truth. For me the only caveat would be if the illegal act was very harmful to others, for example thinking violent crime.

NerrSnerr Tue 13-Feb-18 14:09:36

Just keep out of it. There's too much speculation.

Choc0lat Tue 13-Feb-18 14:10:28

I just want them both to stop what they're doing. It s crime and not a victimless one at that. I think it was just shock at first and maybe I've lived I sheltered life I don't know but when my dh told me I was pretty confident what he had been told was true

Finola1step Tue 13-Feb-18 14:10:37

If we are talking risky as in seriously illegal, then I would shop him anonymously via Crimestoppers. By seriously illegal I mean conning vulnerable people, armed robbery, drug dealing, home burglary, anything involving violence etc.

But if you mean benefit fraud, sub letting a council flat etc then I would say nothing, for the sake of the baby. I would keep my distance though.

HollyBayTree Tue 13-Feb-18 14:11:11

If it were me who had come into such an amount of money I wouldn't be telling all and sundry but I'd no doubt show my parents, friends and family the cheque I'd received or a picture of my big fat bank account.

How spectacularly vulgar. That aside, wouldnt your family believe you or are you a brggrt by default?

Exactly what are you hoping MN will do for you ? tell you to dob him in? "oh Mr Policeman, some bloke down the pub told my partner that my brother is indulging in illegal activities and his girlfriend doesnt really play online bingo".

Keep out of it. None of your business.

don't accuse me of beig jelalois yeah right! My parents think the sun shines out of his backside no jealously there then!

Sibling rivalry is deeply unpleasant

Tink2007 Tue 13-Feb-18 14:12:13

It’s not your business. You don’t know fact from fiction - it’s purely hearsay.

Choc0lat Tue 13-Feb-18 14:13:27

I'm just so torn. I know it's none of my business but it's affecting me knowing what know and if my db was caught what would happen if he did time and what would happen to my nephew? I just want him to stop being the greedy, unscrupulous git he's being and live a normal life within his means like the rest of us.

HollyBayTree Tue 13-Feb-18 14:13:36

OP this whole saga is about how wonderful you are compared to your brother. And how much resentment you have against him. You dont seem to have one iota of concern about the illegal activity (is it drug dealing?) just obsessing about how much money he has and how nice you are.

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