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Support meeting at work

(12 Posts)
vimtoseabreeze Tue 13-Feb-18 10:07:31

I'm a regular poster but NC, (its not an AIBU, I have posted on here as more people see it here and I need some advice) I've been off work for a bit as I've been badly bullied by a colleague and the office has completely changed lots of new starters who are very young and formed cliques not been getting done by the others but affects me so I've been staying late to get things done...I spoke to my manager and have put things in writing...nothing changed...I became so ill mentally and physically so went to my GP and got signed off for a month!

I've had a letter asking me to come in for a support meeting, I was just starting to feel better and feel like me again but the thought of going into that place fills me with dread, I can't sleep, eat etc I just don't want to go back it's made me so ill I just don't know what to husband wants me to go tell them exactly why i am ill and part of me does want to go but at the same time I just can't face it (I am part of a union and asked for a rep to come but no one has contacted me yet)...if I declined the meeting and resign from my job can they give me a bad reference?

HollyBayTree Tue 13-Feb-18 10:16:36

You can be given a truthful reference - Vimto worked from A - B dates. attendance was X% with Y days absence, punctuality was Z%. Usually there is a question about disciplinaries.

Depending on where you work of course, your refernce may not even be that in depth. The NHS doesnt even seem to ask for any sick leave or access to your medical records. Which is a worry. I know when I applied NHS HR lassie said 'oh we even have murderers here' shock - I just thought I hope they arent anywhere near the medicines trolly

vimtoseabreeze Tue 13-Feb-18 10:23:55

Thanks for the reply Hollybay, ok that's good to know...I read somewhere online that an employer couldn't ask about absences from work particularly if it involves mental health? well at least I've got an idea.

Treaclepie19 Tue 13-Feb-18 10:27:30

Personally (and I've been through a similar scenario) I would not go without a union rep.
I'd take your rep and negotiate leaving with a reference.
Good luck and sorry you're going through this. I remember it well.

HollyBayTree Tue 13-Feb-18 10:28:22

They can ask about attendance - they can also ask for access to your medical records. Whether you choose to give it is another matter.

If you are oing to give in your notice, and want to cover your 'stress' absence, you need to manufacture a little reason for that stress because as soon as you say your previous work place was the cause of it, you wont get the job you are applying for. So the stress may have come about due to 'caring responsibilities for an elderly relative' ; when pressed you might like to do a sad face and say 'I no longer have those responsibilities' ... which implies the relative has died or gone into a home ! Little white lies.

Iluvthe80s Tue 13-Feb-18 10:29:23

Sounds awful. the fact that you put something in writing to your manager and nothing changed is not good for you, or your employer.

My suggestions below, but I'm NOT from a HR background, so this is simply what I would do in this position

I would ask Citizens advice for ....advice on this. What are the duties of your employer in all of this

Note down all of the issues you have had. Keep it as factual as possible, with dates if you can. Make sure you note down what you discussed with your manager etc. and when you had that conversation. Also note down any strategies that were implemented after that conversation-if none -note that down too

How big is the company you work for and do they have their own HR team? this might make a difference in terms of how effective their HR team are

what length of service do you have?

I believe you are allowed a representative to sit in on these kind of meetings-to make notes and ensure that you are aware of and understand what is being discussed.

hopefully someone with HR knowledge can give you more concrete advice

Good luck

scurryfunge Tue 13-Feb-18 10:32:41

My old employer would not ask anyone to attend the workplace if they are off with stress due to work. Can you suggest a home visit or meet in a neutral location?

Failingat40 Tue 13-Feb-18 10:36:43

Why should you resign? Don't underestimate how difficult it is to get another job.

If there's been issues at work with bullying and team members under performing that's an issue for HR and management to acknowledge and get resolved.

Have you been keeping a daily diary?

Bullying in the workplace is a disciplinary offence, get it nipped in the bud. Work with the manager to suggest new procedures to ensure they work currently not getting done by the cliques gets done without falling back on your shoulders.

They should be supporting you to stay in the workplace, not getting rid of you! You are not the problem but the symptom of the problem they have going on which they are currently ignoring, but it won't go away.

Good luck thanks

Iluvthe80s Tue 13-Feb-18 10:38:14

found the above. thought it might be useful
If you do decide to leave, negotiate a package to leave. Sounds like the company has not taken your concerns seriously

HollyBayTree Tue 13-Feb-18 10:40:44

My old employer would not ask anyone to attend the workplace if they are off with stress due to work. Can you suggest a home visit or meet in a neutral location?

Mine refused - local council - and I had sick notes and prescriptions. I walked out in the end. Took the 6 months full pay and used the time to look for another job. Went temping until I'd cleaned them off my CV

vimtoseabreeze Tue 13-Feb-18 23:36:09

Hi everyone thanks for the replies and advice really appreciate it!! I've contacted citizens advice someone on the employment law side should be ringing me back before Friday, the advisor also suggested that I get in touch with my union regionally instead of locally as they seem to have more experienced people...I've decided to go and have a rep with me but have my resignation ready...things are not going to change...I will tell them exactly why I am leaving I.e my colleagues incessant bullying, nastiness and toxic stirring...I've been keeping a diary and I plan to never work for this corporation has a very high turnover and they just sweep things under the carpet! Started looking for jobs today and feeling positive even just temping for an agency I'm happy to do.

vimtoseabreeze Tue 13-Feb-18 23:38:44

Definitely don't want them in my's the only place I have left that I have control over and class as my sanctuary! Meeting is not near my office so it will do for now.

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