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Lacking headspace for literally anything else?

(33 Posts)
VelvetSpoon Tue 13-Feb-18 09:15:25

Do others feel like this too?

I just about get through the day. I go home and think I'll do xyz and do nothing really. Weekends is similar.

I've just lost 2 relatives (extended family, though immediately family went long ago). Nothing is progressing in my life because I can barely manage to keep everything going as it is.

The slightest thing tips me over the edge. Yesterday it was the sink being blocked. Today it will be a bin not being emptied.

I don't like my job, I am grossly underpaid compared to male colleagues. But the effort of looking for a job (which is huge, my job doesn't really exist elsewhere, so I have to try and find something which embraces some elements of it. Ideally the ones I enjoy although as I don't enjoy any that is difficult...) is completely beyond me. I cannot face 2 hours a night looking for alternatives and probably finding nothing.

I need to complete renovations to my house but I can't do much of it myself even if I could find motivation, and I have yet to find a decent tradesmen as everyone I've used has done a shit job. And looking for another again requires hours and hours of effort.

And the whole thing is just overwhelming. I've got text messages I haven't replied to because honestly what's the point. A group of friends are trying to arrange a meet up. I just can't be bothered. The fact it's done by endless text and not WhatsApp or email because they don't have access to this is just another irritation.

Honestly at the moment I'm happiest on my own at home in my unfinished house. Just the limited interaction I have with people at work grates. All the inane chit chat, having to listen to details of their perfect lives (ditto all social media). I just cannot be bothered to deal with any of it!

VelvetSpoon Tue 13-Feb-18 10:12:49

Obviously just me then...!

Annamadrigal Tue 13-Feb-18 10:22:39

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I sometimes feel by the end of the day that I've nothing else really to give, the DCs have sucked it all out of me I guess.
Sorry to be predictable but do you think you might be depressed? Sounds like there is so much going on for you at the moment that you are struggling to process with. To you sound slightly detached from it all and a bit numb?

Sorry if I've got it wrong but feels like you want to detach from it all so perhaps talking to someone in RL or GP to see if anything can help?

Sometimes of course life is just too much and when there are massive life changing decisions to be made (e.g. job hunting) it is easier to not do it!

VelvetSpoon Tue 13-Feb-18 10:27:38

My GPs have previously told me I'm not depressed, even though I felt much as I do now. It's a normal life reaction apparently.

I genuinely can't be bothered with interacting with people. I've always been quite solitary but am definitely getting more so.

ssd Tue 13-Feb-18 10:31:32

ah jesus, I read your post and thought I wonder how long it'll take for someone to tell her she's depressed and should she see her GP?..the the first poster says this straight away...aarrgghhh

what's wrong with not feeling perfect, hating your job but being stuck in it as there's nothing else out there, feeling like you cant be arsed, wishing everyone would bugger off and give you peace, wishing those at work wittering on about their perfect lives would STFU?

isn't that just life sometimes, do we all need to see the gp when things aren't all rainbows and unicorns, can't we just be a bit fed up, on a bit of a downer and just let life continue till it picks up again?

sorry but all I see on here is whenever someone wants a moan, its suggested they are depressed and should see the gp, it's just pissing me off we can't just be fed up and a bit down sometimes.

yes op, I feel like you plenty, then I have a nice day and feel ok, hope something nice happens for you soon.

ssd Tue 13-Feb-18 10:35:26

not interacting with others 24/7 is normal, who wants someone in your face all the time, this would drive me nuts...social media is one big con, like those people who tell you that they are a peoples person, they are the ones who most folk avoid, social media is for the desperate for attention brigade who try to make their boring lives sound fun and interesting, just ignore it and ignore anyone who makes you feel wrong for wanting a bit of peace and quiet at the end of the day, you sound perfectly normal and himan to me, stop being so hard on yourself

Annamadrigal Tue 13-Feb-18 10:36:32

Feeling apathetic and detached, tired, and unable to make big decisions can be signs of depression. I was actually just trying to help. Won't bother again

ssd Tue 13-Feb-18 10:41:38

I would countenance that with feeling apathetic and detached, tired, and unable to make big decisions can be signs of being human. Show me one person who has never felt like this?

And we're all trying to help here.

TwitterQueen1 Tue 13-Feb-18 10:46:08

Hi OP. I think we all go through periods like this, sometimes for weeks, sometimes for months. I think you're very bored. Is there something new or different that you can do? A hobby or an interest? Or go away for a long holiday for example? I feel like you need a total change of environment and perspective that would help you re-energise yourself.

You need a change, a new stimulus.

ssd Tue 13-Feb-18 10:48:22

sorry for being so snippy at you Annamadrigal, I'm not usually so mardy but I just feel it's important to say sometimes life is just boring and mundane, the op has lost family recently and I'm the same and it just makes you feel shit to know they are all gone, but sadly that's life and there's no going back.

Annamadrigal Tue 13-Feb-18 10:49:22

(Sorry for flouncing on your thread OP)

VelvetSpoon Tue 13-Feb-18 10:55:59

I don't know if im depressed, how I feel is normal or something between the two is correct.

I feel pretty ground down, unsupported and like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I'm sure I'm not the only person to feel like that though.

I do feel happier sometimes. I'll watch videos of puppies on YouTube and that will cheer me up. But I never get to a point where I actually make any inroads in the house or job situation. I've wanted to leave my job for 8 years and the house has been ongoing for longer (although I have made a little progress with that). An example is my sofa. I need a new sofa. At the moment I don't have one in my living room. I can't find one I like that isn't £2-3k. So I've just not bought one and we sit on cushions. Which 3 months ago was a temporary measure. Such is my life!

I really can't imagine finding the interest for a hobby. If I go on holiday it's to spend a week lying somewhere in the hot sun reading and sleeping. Ideally in silence (one of the perks of my children getting older). And then I feel sad when I have to come home!

ssd Tue 13-Feb-18 11:02:09

I feel exactly like this a lot of the time too

I'm in my 50's, peri menopausal, both parents are dead, no extended family, teens and a dh to look after as well as trying to look after myself...sound familiar op?

ssd Tue 13-Feb-18 11:02:57

apologies if you are 35 grin

VelvetSpoon Tue 13-Feb-18 11:08:51

I'm 45 (but almost certainly peri menopausal as most women in my family have completed menopause by 50), parents died in my early 20s. And I'm not married. But yes other than that it's not dissimilar.

ssd Tue 13-Feb-18 11:12:36

I think it's just the age we are and the stage we are at. It does all come down to us and I find it overwhelming a lot of the time. I've got really bad health anxiety cos of it all. Hopefully life will even out soon.

VelvetSpoon Tue 13-Feb-18 12:08:09

Yes hopefully although I don't really remember it being any different. I've felt like this for a long time.

blueshoes Tue 13-Feb-18 12:38:18

Op, I understand when you describe it as having no headspace. It really does feel that it when everything feels like on the verge of tipping over.

When I am overwhelmed like that, the first thing is to clear out extraneous things, like that meet up. Ignore away.

Then tell myself, the next day, I am going to start on the next thing, just one thing and not more, let's say the job hunt. With the space you have cleared, hopefully you will feel more motivated to start. Baby steps. Just starting something creates its own momentum over time. Perhaps pick up the phone to a recruitment agent (just one) at the end of the day. Call a few more the next day. Before you know it, you are getting calls back and forced to do up with CV, get prepped for interviews. How do you know you won't find anything unless you have tried?

Although the enormity of some of your tasks feels overwhelming, the key is to break things up, do it in little chunks, baby steps. A week later, you would be much farther along than you are today. The sense of achievement engenders its own virtuous circle, which hopefully spills over into the next task.

Hope you can break out of your rut. The longer you are in it, the harder it is. The longer you put off a task, the more difficult it is to get back in. Maybe start a new task and come back later to the old ones. The important thing is to start moving, even just a little.

UpstartCrow Tue 13-Feb-18 12:43:55

Do you feel up to talking to ACAS and HR about being paid less than the men you work with?

FollowYourOwnNorthStar Tue 13-Feb-18 12:50:18

Hey VelvetSpoon, I could have written that same post 4 months ago. Except I was watching YouTube videos of comedians instead of cats, and my list of projects I couldn’t tackle was different....but still there, and still impossible. The texts to friends I didn’t answer.....exactly the same. Even the words - I said my head felt too full for anything else.

Of course, I don’t know if it is the same thing as you, but I thought I was burnt out. I’d been carrying very heavy loads in work, life everywhere for a long time. I googled my symptoms a bit and thought maybe it sounded like burnout. I was already taking 2 weeks off at the end of the year, so I thought I should add another 2, so I could actually have a rest, not just the usual Christmas/NY roundabout. I took 4 weeks.

For the first week I barely moved off the bed/couch. I just needed time to let my head stop swirling and my brain full of too much stimulation/thoughts to settle down. I had grand plans of introducing meditation and exercise by week two, but that didn’t happen! I just kept doing what felt right. Lots of sleep, tv, books, later I met friends for coffee and went for some walks. It took 3 weeks to feel like facing the world.

I’ve been back at work now for a month and I feel better - not completely better, but I text people back, don’t mind doing things on weekends and have energy and space in my head for big projects (I’m looking at properties to buy. Something that I tried to do last year, but it was too big a job and I just couldn’t face it). I’m also working at trying to keep the burnout at bay (if that’s what it was). I’m doing yoga and a meditation course (this weekend actually!) and try and schedule time for me. I also try and so “no”. Last year I was too worn down by decision making fatigue and was pushed into things, which further depleted me.

So you sound a lot like me. Maybe this would help? Or google burnout and see if it fits and if there are other solutions that work for you. I know 4 weeks is a luxury, and I am so glad I had the time from work to take it. If I didn’t, I think continuing to feel like that continuously would have me looking at more serious MH issues that burnout.

Good luck. And hugs.

FollowYourOwnNorthStar Tue 13-Feb-18 12:52:33

Puppies, not cats! Sorry!

meredintofpandiculation Tue 13-Feb-18 13:02:47

The reason people are quick to offer "depression" is that it's not like flu - OK at lunchtime, prostrate by the evening. It comes on slowly. so that today doesn't feel noticeably worse than yesterday, and all of it just feels like "normal life". It often takes an outsider to suggest the possibility. Once you've had it once, you learn to look out for your own personal symptoms ... and for many people these are things like lack of motivation, not wanting to engage with people.

VelvetSpoon Tue 13-Feb-18 14:14:21

I have just read up on burn out. It encompasses a lot of how I'm feeling. Although I do also feel overwhelmed too with the enormity of tasks like sorting out my house or getting a new job.

I had 2 weeks sick leave due to stress a couple of years ago. I actually felt a lot better after that. For a while anyway. I never take time off. I had chickenpox in my 30s and was off for 2 days.

The root of some of it is that I miss my parents. It's been so hard for the last 20 odd years not having them around. They did an awful lot for me while they were alive. It's hard not to think 'if my parents were alive...'

ssd Tue 13-Feb-18 20:02:44

God I get this. The emptiness of not having loving parents alive is just overwhelming. And it's so hard to discuss with anyone, as no one else seems to be in your position. When I read you had lost your parents in your 20's this is the first thing I thought, but didn't want to say in case I was wrong. And you were so young to lose them both. I'm so sorry thanks

The root of everything with me is not having my parents. So I totally sympathise. I would suggest speaking to cruse, the bereavement counsellors, although it doesn't bring them back, but it helps to unload everything in your head. Or if you can, pay for private counselling. I did this a few months ago and even though I could only afford a few sessions, it helped me, just to talk everything out in a safe space.

VelvetSpoon Tue 13-Feb-18 22:51:22

So sorry for your loss too flowers and yes it is bloody hard, people don't understand. Although it was worse when I was in my 20s and most people still had grandparents as well as parents.

I don't want to make it all about my parents. I've tried so hard to not let it take over my life, I know they wouldn't want me still to be struggling over 20 years on. And day to day I get by sort of. But I won't ever get over it. I'll always wish things had been different. I've never had any counselling, I think I would feel a fraud now that it's so long ago, like people expect I should be over it by now? sad

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