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To wish he'd just fucking listen!

(16 Posts)
MrsPepperpot79 Mon 12-Feb-18 23:35:06

Sorry, ranting as really don't think I am bu. Tonight dp and I had a bit of a barny with him being cross that I'm being stroppy, and me cross cos he talks to me like I'm stupid/his unsatisfactory employee (so far, so normal!) Finally get to things that he could do that might help me feel less overwhelmed at the moment. I pointed out that I have too much shit going on at the mo - sick mum, sick ex-pil, me having chest infection, job going down the toilet, and that I know I can't change any of it or alter it by talking, that talking makes me feel worse as brings all those useless but valid emotions to the fore, so when he sees me looking stressed please can he not talk about it, just give me a cuddle and tell me that he's there.
"But I am there"
Yes, I know, I just need you to physically demonstrate that.
"But we need to talk when you feel stressed"
No, talking won't help, just gets me upset as well as stressed"
He then proceeded to tell me I was wrong, talked about it all for a good twenty minutes as I sat there in tears, and then told me I needed to remember he has troubles too and I should smile. And then he went to bed, without even kissing me goodnight, let alone the supportive cuddle I'd asked for, asking if I felt better now for our chat - and looking offended when I said no!
I don't get what's so hard - if I've got a face on at the mo, just give me a hug! Don't talk!
Aibu to feel like he doesn't bloody listen?

MrsPepperpot79 Mon 12-Feb-18 23:35:35

Sorry - that's a long rant!

Idontdowindows Mon 12-Feb-18 23:44:56

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I do think he's a bit of a dick. You've just told him what kind of support you need, and he's gone "yah, no, you're silly, let me tell you what you need"?????

ARGH

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Mon 12-Feb-18 23:51:11

Christ almighty, I'd have got a frying pan to the head, and the big bastard Le Creuset at that. What a bellend.

LindyHopSkipRunner Mon 12-Feb-18 23:54:09

Has he been on some sort of fucking course for work?

That's crap. You only asked for a cuddle.

Qvar Mon 12-Feb-18 23:55:59

So he sat you down like a naughty child and informed you that you were being upset wrong?

I'd be packing.

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 12-Feb-18 23:57:05

I would have had to walk away from that. I can’t bear stressful stuff being pointlessly ‘talked about’, especially by someone else!

TyneTeas Tue 13-Feb-18 00:00:49

Show him this

youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw

Kingsclerelass Tue 13-Feb-18 00:29:35

Oh God, why do men feel the need to come up with a thesis on things when all you need is a hug, some cocoa and someone to run the bath water for you.
Yanbu
What a twit. flowers

JeezeLouise Tue 13-Feb-18 00:30:07

He sounds a right knob. LindyHop might be on to something, sounds like he's been on some work course and thinks he's all new-agey and stuff ... when in reality he's got the emotional intelligence level of a dead stink bug. I would have walked away, if only to the kitchen to find the heaviest pan as per Disgrace's lead

And no, you're NBU to rant. Skimming you a virtual hug.

thegreatbeyond Tue 13-Feb-18 02:30:57

Yep, sounds like my life. Tonight's gem:

Me: It hurt my feelings when you said xyz
Him: No, it didn't. I didn't mean it like that, so it didn't hurt your feelings.

Knob.

Shoxfordian Tue 13-Feb-18 05:02:10

He sounds like a knob

brizzledrizzle Tue 13-Feb-18 05:05:36

If he looks like a king and sounds like a knob then he's a knob....daft a'porth.

laudanum Tue 13-Feb-18 05:49:25

Well, he seems like a mansplaining wanker. Do you have kids?

MrsPepperpot79 Tue 13-Feb-18 08:18:11

Glad you agree I'm not bu! Last night was a particular gem - he can be lovely but just doesn't seem to grasp (as per kingsclerelass) that I don't need a solution or a discussion, just a mug of tea and a hug!! Perhaps it's a man thing... I tried to explain it and he looked at me as though I was an alien, said he didn't understand and couldn't read my mind so we needed to talk. Ugh. And hugs to thegreatbeyond too!!

MrsPepperpot79 Tue 13-Feb-18 08:20:11

Oh, and yes to children. 3 DD (for him it's 1dd and 2 step-dd). He's in for a hell of shock when the hormones there kick in and he has a houseful of women requiring random hugs without rationalisation!

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