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WWYD? Child playing hot and cold with my DC

(15 Posts)
Tantrumschmantrum Mon 12-Feb-18 22:52:15

Child who lives nearby, let's call them Bob. Bob has always played with my DC, lets call DC Jo. Now Bob and Jo have always played nicely until recently. Bob has been ignoring Jo at school and it's really upsetting them. Then we go home and Bob appears asking to come round to play. Do I say yes in the hope it will bring Jo and Bob back to being friends? Or do I say no and stop this silly behaviour Bob is directing at Jo? They are both so young I don't know what to do for the best? confused help!

Snowydaysarehere Mon 12-Feb-18 22:54:38

Invite a friend that isn't Bob around. Don't let your dc rely on one flakey friend!!

Idontdowindows Mon 12-Feb-18 22:56:29

Would this be a case where Bob is embarrassed he's playing with a friend of the opposite sex due to the environment he's being raised in?

Invite other friends smile

Tantrumschmantrum Mon 12-Feb-18 22:59:34

Bob was just the first name that came to me. They are both the same sex. Trouble is I know the parents really well and they are lovely, which makes this soo awkward!

Forgeteverythingandremember Mon 12-Feb-18 22:59:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thepatchworkcat Mon 12-Feb-18 23:00:59

How old are they?
Not experienced this as a parent but as a child in fact!
My so called best friend at school sort of turned on me and was awful to me at school - but would then still be asking me to play out/go places with her.
I found it very confusing and wish I’d been able/encouraged to sack her off and find other friendships. As it was I didn’t have the confidence to do that.

Tantrumschmantrum Mon 12-Feb-18 23:01:45

Was advised to keep them apart for a while and bring other friends over so Bob could realise they were missing some fun with their friend. Then DH suggested keeping them apart could make the problem worse distancing them?

Passthecake30 Mon 12-Feb-18 23:03:59

I have this problem with one of mine at the moment. 2 kids playing hot and cold. I've encouraged my dc to have a wider circle of friends, so went she is kicked to the kerb, as happens regularly, she has other options. Slowly she is getting closer to the new friends (which I've also facilitated by having play dates) and the other two are being forgotten.

minipie Mon 12-Feb-18 23:05:58

We have this issue. Bob is "miss popular" in the class and all the girls want to be Bob's friend. Bob appears to have them on rotation as best friend of the week hmm and DD gets upset by this as she's known Bob for longest. I am encouraging DD to find other friends as I don't think a friendship with Bob is likely to make DD happy.

Idontdowindows Mon 12-Feb-18 23:07:33

Bob was just the first name that came to me. They are both the same sex.

Ah, cause I've seen this happen with boys from families that believe at some point they shouldn't play together anymore as it demeans the boy.

Tantrumschmantrum Mon 12-Feb-18 23:11:24

Jo does have a friend they see in an after school club that Ive been encouraging friendship. Been trying to tell Jo to play with lots of new friends in school, but it's hard to say don't play with Bob. How would you explain it? We just said (after Jo told us about the ignoring) you know you don't always have to play with Bob. There are lots of other children in class you can play with. Trouble is Jo would repeat that blush

Idontdowindows Mon 12-Feb-18 23:14:12

I don't see a problem with Jo repeating that to be honest.

It is true. Jo doesn't always have to play with Bob.

Bob is the one faffing about with their friendship. I would encourage Jo to make lots of new friends. Jo is not at the beck and call of Bob when they want to be friends.

Tantrumschmantrum Mon 12-Feb-18 23:16:43

Thanks all, I've been massively worrying about it, but glad it feels like we are directing Jo in the correct way (cross finger!)

KeepServingTheDrinks Mon 12-Feb-18 23:23:38

I'm a big fan of 'don't get overly involved', but if it were my kid, I'd make sure they were quite busy. So when flakey friend pops over, flakey friend finds that my child isn't always available. "sorry, sweetie, DC doing x, y z. Come back another day"

Not NEVER available, just not always available. Swimming lessons? A sport? Dance? Cubs/Brownies? Lots out there at varying costs. OR just sometimes "sorry, we're playing a family game, maybe another night?" Or "sorry, DC helping cook dinner tonight"

Then if they do genuinely want to be friends with each other, they'll have to work for it a bit.

ADishBestEatenCold Mon 12-Feb-18 23:31:15

How old are these children?

Responses may well be age dependent.

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