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AIBU?

How do you handle it when your children just won't make the grades for the career they want?

86 replies

Lawdoc · 12/02/2018 22:50

Dd1 is going to just about scrape hopefully level 4s so a low C due to learning needs. Quite possibly more 3s.
All the careers she has mentioned are unreachable at uni level for her and would require high score a levels. (think Doctor/surgeon/teaching etc)

How do you deal with it?
I've tried suggesting other roles in the same sort of field which are more attainable but she's not interested.
She believes she can do it.
I don't want to smash her dreams or bash her self esteem but at the same time when she tries to apply for college she is going to get rejected by them.

Help!

OP posts:

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Allthebestnamesareused · 12/02/2018 22:52

Go online and show her the required grades for medicine at a couple of unis etc

Lweji · 12/02/2018 22:53

Let her apply. It should be them telling her she can't get in, not you.
Then she can decide what to do. It's great that she's aiming high.

Idontdowindows · 12/02/2018 22:53

All you can do is warn her. If she won't listen, it's not going to make a blind bit of difference and she's going to have to take the rejection.

Part of becoming an adult, and it's awful to watch, but there's not much you can do other than warn.

MyOtherProfile · 12/02/2018 22:54

How old is she and how far away from the point of applying? Can you start to point her towards related careers that require lower grades?

Lawdoc · 12/02/2018 22:57

Lweji I haven't told her she can't I gave just introduced other roles in the same field in a these are interesting jobs kind of way.

She's seen the required grades. She is still insistent!
She's also determined that she will go to a certain uni too which is even harder to get in.

She won't even look at alternatives so has no backup is she isn't accepted.

OP posts:

Lawdoc · 12/02/2018 22:58

She's applying for college now.

OP posts:

gillybeanz · 12/02/2018 22:59

Yes, I second that.

I have one who won't believe me when I say other things that are expected for entrance to her chosen courses.
There's nothing like seeing it in black and white to bring it home. Be prepared for the comments of special / in certain circumstances, or equivalents. All words that have tripped me up before now.
Once she gets it talk to her about what she is good at, where her interests lie, it's unusual to hate what you are good at.
Then you can support her to find a realistic but enjoyable subject, where she will do well.

PurpleDaisies · 12/02/2018 23:00

If she’s just doing GCSEs now, I wouldn’t necessarily worry too much. When she actually gets her results it’ll be clearer. I’d handle it by massively praising her work ethic, her effort etc and laying the foundations now that whatever her grades are, you’re still really proud of her.

madmomma · 12/02/2018 23:01

This happened to me with my daughter. She wanted to study art at uni but only got 4 passes despite busting a gut studying. College wouldn't even let her do A levels. There's nothing you can do I'm afraid, other than be with her through the disappointment and be with her through the re-routing. My dd is now very happy and excelling in a different field. It didn't take long for her to find a different path. She still enjoys her art as a hobby.

cardibach · 12/02/2018 23:01

The problem with that, Lweji is that she will rule about any realistic application. In fact, she probably won’t get on the A level courses with GCSE grad3s l8ke that. I teach Engl8sh and would take s9meone witha. 4 at A level if I feltthey would get something from it, but would be up front about grade predictions (low - D or E). Science A levels often require an old B or A equivalent - grade 7 or higher.
It’s hard, OP, but it’s better to have these discussions when her results come in than let her try to continue.

PancakeInMaBelly · 12/02/2018 23:01

Dont write it off. Her grades now dont fix her ability level for life. There are other routes into everything: level 1,2,3 in a sience related subject; science degree, GAMSAT then fast track medicine for example.

cardibach · 12/02/2018 23:01

Excuse typos. My iPad hates me.

PancakeInMaBelly · 12/02/2018 23:04

I got a B+ with a predicted D- "at best" (teacher hated me)

Ive always been pretty good at last minute cramming, some people work better that way, why not give her a chance and support to boost her grades?

MachineBee · 12/02/2018 23:05

This is one time when you can’t shield them I’m afraid. Just be around to support if necessary if they don’t get what they need.

It’s hard but sometimes a setback can be a good thing if it sets them on a new track they would have rejected.

HeddaGarbled · 12/02/2018 23:16

What sort of colleges is she applying for? Sixth form? FE? If she gets turned down now, she's got plenty of time to explore other options. The school should be guiding her as well as you.

I work in FE and on GCSE results day we mobilise Advice & Guidance staff to talk to the multiple students who didn't get the results they were hoping for and hopefully the school and sixth form college(s) do the same.

I think you've done as much as you can for now. When she gets the rejections, give her a bit of time to come to terms with the disappointment before you pitch in with alternative suggestions. She's likely to reject them in the initial heightened emotional state and will need time to process the disappointment before she's ready to think rationally about alternatives.

missymayhemsmum · 12/02/2018 23:17

Get someone to be straight with her. If she wants to do medicine she needs straight A*/A grades from here on. She hasn't achieved that so far, even with hard work. What does she think will make the difference? Extra tutoring? repeating a year? Not a 'you can't do it' but 'if you really want this, this is what you will need to achieve. Do you think you can do it?
There are people with learning needs such as dyslexia who get on these courses, but they are extremely bright and work incredibly hard.
Make sure she knows you are behind her all the way, whatever she decides.

What kind of careers support is she getting?

blueletter · 12/02/2018 23:20

OP its great she's determined! best thing you can do is push her to get a plan B in place. just an example but Plan A - doctor, Plan B - HCA/apprenticeship in NHS, Plan C - retrain/try again to get the grades.

Push the back up plans as well as supporting her for the much wanted career. Also,

needmysleep75 · 12/02/2018 23:21

Its difficult but I can't see the colleges turning her down as yet, usually they say ' you can have a place so long as you get 5 passes ' so until she had those grades in her hands in August she won't know if she has a place or not. Could you get a teacher to speak to her about it? Is there one she particularly likes? Maybe coming from someone else it might be different. My year 11 DD thinks I know nothing, have no idea what I'm talking about and just don't understand - think I was the same with my mum at that age though

blueletter · 12/02/2018 23:22

Also... I was a stubborn fuck and only applied for 1 university course. I was determined to get it (despite only getting PPP on my BTEC - I think that was equivalent to 3 Cs at A level, plus I did AS and got an A for that)
I got the place on the degree I wanted!

PurpleDaisies · 12/02/2018 23:22

Even if they don’t turn her down now (although I’d be amazed if science a levels didn’t with her predicted grades), they will with her results but in almost all cases, students can just slot on to another course.

PancakeInMaBelly · 12/02/2018 23:24

She hasnt got her grades yet so why write her off and discourage her?
A final push can really change the outcome
Give her a chance befor getting her "spoken to" about dreaming too big

SandyY2K · 12/02/2018 23:24

She wont be able to do science A levels with level 4s, so that will get her to rethink.

There is a science BTEC in some colleges that she could get on...then if she does well..she can get into Uni that way...but some degree courses will only accept A levels due to the academic challenges of the course.

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Lawdoc · 12/02/2018 23:28

'She hasnt got her grades yet so why write her off and discourage her?'

Pancake I'm honestly not discouraging her.

OP posts:

NewYearNiki · 12/02/2018 23:31

Medical schools dont accept resits or repeated years I thought.

It isnt just getting in though. There are 5 years of assessments and you have to keep at it.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 12/02/2018 23:32

Please don't tell her "you can't". Those are the kind of things kids remember.

Encourage her to aim high.

Say things like "that'll be tough" and tell her it'll be hard, but that you'll support her in any way you can. Offer to help with her work (sitting working with her, testing her on the material, marking her test papers etc).

Then be ready to pick up the pieces (with a plan B and a plan C) if it goes wrong.

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