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(42 Posts)
newmum2018385 Mon 12-Feb-18 19:22:07

Would really like an objective opinion on this as am so upset. Have DD who is nine months old. When I told family I was pregnant my sister went mad. As she is older than me she obviously thinks she should have a baby first. I have previously had a very good relationship with my mum and sister. However since having DD I feel completely let down by them.
Every time I visit I come home feeling so upset. They constantly imply that DD should be my sisters. My DD is most of the time quite a happy baby but for some reason my mum has to point out every time she show interest in my sister. Comments like oh she's loves """ and when she get older she will want to be with """ and not you. She even told my sister to hold her child at one point. I am protective over DD but I do not feel this way with any other aunts/ members of the family.
I have tried to tell them and it did calm down for awhile but today it went back to way it was. Even DH said he wasn't happy.
Am I justified in feeling so upset ? AIBU?

PatheticNamechange Mon 12-Feb-18 19:24:24

No. They sound like a pair of barmpots!!!

I would be cutting down visits for starters.

LuigiBoard Mon 12-Feb-18 19:24:42

YANBU that's terrible of them to behave that way. thanks

Abracadabraapileofbollocks Mon 12-Feb-18 19:24:55

They're madder than a box of frogs.

user1488622199 Mon 12-Feb-18 19:27:15

Their behaviour is vile. It’s definitely their problem, not yours

blueremembered Mon 12-Feb-18 19:28:21

They sound mental OP! Not normal behaviour at all. Tell them under no uncertain terms that DD is YOUR daughter and you won't stand for any minimisation of that.

I understand that's hard to do though. they're showing no respect to you thanks

BoneyBackJefferson Mon 12-Feb-18 19:30:11

If spending time with your family makes you feel this way then don't go round.

It is/will affect your health and that is obviously not good for you or your child.

In short you don't have to put up with this rubbish.

chocolateorangeowls Mon 12-Feb-18 19:30:19

That's just weird!

SilentEm564 Mon 12-Feb-18 19:30:40

This is weird. Unless there's a back story about your sister having difficulties conceiving?

Is this the first grandchild on your side of the family? I think sibling jealousy as you pointed out could explain it. Your sister feels like you stole her thunder by getting there first. But regardless it's very poor form for your mother to go along with it! Have you asked your mum about it?

Blackteadrinker77 Mon 12-Feb-18 19:31:03

This is weird, I can't understand them or what they hope to gain from it.

Globetrotter100 Mon 12-Feb-18 19:31:30

Oh good grief they're awful. YANBU in the slightest.

Smeaton Mon 12-Feb-18 19:32:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greyponcho Mon 12-Feb-18 19:32:26

Their behaviour is bizarre and hurtful!
Wouldn’t blame you for distancing yourself from them

Lifeisabeach09 Mon 12-Feb-18 19:34:29

They are undermining you.
I can relate. My older Dsis had been trying for years to get pregnant with her husband. I fell pregnant first, my partner and I split when DD was born, and my dear DF said I should give my newborn to my Dsis to raise!! I didn't have a clue about parenting and babies and here was my DSis who was a natural mother-type, paediatric nurse with tonnes of experience with LOs. Needless to say I felt very undermined and vulnerable.
I'd be having some stern words with them. I'd also put some distance.

outofmydepth45 Mon 12-Feb-18 19:40:12

Completely batshit, don't put yourself through it !

SilverySurfer Mon 12-Feb-18 20:18:33

Absolutely not unreasonable. Your family, OTOH are ridiculous and horrible, ghastly and mean.

emmyrose2000 Tue 13-Feb-18 09:00:13


They sound awful. This is not normal. I'd tell them straight up that this nonsense has to stop immediately, or they won't be seeing DD at all, and then follow through the first time they slip up.

Does your sister even have a partner at this point to actually have a baby with?? Or were you supposed to wait forever until she got married and had a baby first?

newmum2018385 Tue 13-Feb-18 09:43:08

Thank you everyone. Sometimes I think it is just me because of my hormones or something. My sister has always said she wanted a baby but has only become like this since DD. She has some personal reasons which I wouldn't like to put on here (concerned It would out us)But it wouldn't stop her having a baby. She has just never bothered to go down the route she would need to. We are both in our 30s so it's not like she has not had time. Plus we were ttc for nearly two years which to me adds to my upset.
Lifesabeach that is awful esp at a time when you would have been so vulnerable.

SeaCabbage Tue 13-Feb-18 10:35:17

I can't believe that this is the first time these two have treated you so badly. Please consider never seeing them again! They are mad and very very worrying.

Vibe2018 Wed 14-Feb-18 11:51:05

Why exactly do you bother visiting them?

ChasedByBees Wed 14-Feb-18 11:56:02

That is awful and really weird. I thought you were going to say you were 15 or something - still would be massively inexcusable but you’re married and at an entirely normal age to have children.

I would see them a lot lot less and leave the second they make one of these inappropriate comments.

notuptoyou Wed 14-Feb-18 12:03:34

Odd! I would stop visiting.

PinkHeart5914 Wed 14-Feb-18 12:07:33

They are insane!

Ok so your sister thought she’d have a baby first, well that isn’t how life works we don’t always get things in the order we would like so tough luck! Comments like saying when the baby is older she will want to be with your sister and not you are completely unacceptable, this baby is yours and is not and will never be your sisters.

In all honesty if they won’t stop with this rubbish even after you have spoken to them, I would absolutely stop visiting

Knittedfairies Wed 14-Feb-18 12:10:15

Your sister is jealous, plain and simple. Don't put yourself through all this nonsense again; stay away until they are more reasonable.

altiara Wed 14-Feb-18 12:13:00

I wouldn’t visit at all!!
Does your sister still live at home? Is that why you see them together?
Let your mum visit you, it will be quite telling to see if she will put the effort in or just expect you to.
Both sound crazy.
Maybe start talking about DC2 and they might realise DD is not a toy to give away, you’re an adult with a family. Or it might backfire and they think they can have DD as you’re getting another one.
It’s definitely not you wine

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