Difficult dad won't go to docs

[lessthanBeau]

I need some advice regarding my df75, started just before Xmas he keeps getting hugely swollen glands and sometimes a swollen tongue. Bad enough so that a couple of weeks ago he went to a and e in the middle of the night as he could barely breathe. They gave him prednisone told him it was an allergic reaction and see gp if happens again, he won't. Says he's fine, he has a loose tooth but dentist says that's not what caused it, when his tongue swelled he had bitten it but that shouldn't cause it to swell so big, he is type 2 diabetic, also takes wafarin for his heart and has high blood pressure. the dentist says he can't take out tooth until his bloods have come down as the meds they gave him at a and e interfered with the wafarin. His bloods are fine now and says he's going to get the tooth out and see if it happens afterwards, this swelling is happening a couple of times a week since the visit to hospital. So wibu to make an appointment myself and then tell him I'm taking him or wait it out with him and hope it is just the tooth. He's not ill or in any pain with the swellings. No temp or anything. I'm worried it could be something serious but treatable and that by not doing anything it could be fatal. he can be extremely stubborn about stuff like this a few years back he got a chest infection and left it so long he went into kidney failure and nearly died. He'd been telling us that he'd seen the doc. I don't live near him so didn't see how bad he'd got. How do I handle this?

[MincemeatTart]

Normally I’d say he has capacity and he’s decision but you know him best. I’d be tempted to turn into the bossy daughter, get an appointment and drag him along. He’s probably terrified it’s something sinister but doing thevman thing of burying his head in the sand. It is probably nothing much but definitely worth the reassurance and check.

[LemonShark]

Unless he has dementia and is not of sound mind you have to respect that as an adult he has every right to decide on his own medical treatment. Tell him you're there for him and will go with him if he chooses to go but respect it's down to him. Ironically I reckon he'll be more likely to go that way, he'll dig his heels in if you start trying to tell him what to do.

[lessthanBeau]

lemon he definitely has capacity. Ive been telling him this but he is so amiable and reasonable about it and tells me he's been to see them that the bossy daughter routine just doesn't work on him. I also think he doesn't tell the full story to the doc, but can see him refusing to let me go in with him, can I call the doc to give them the full details (I dont expect them to discuss his health with me) just to put them in the picture?

[LemonShark]

You can! The doctor won't give you any info about your dad, for obvious confidentiality reasons. But there's nothing stopping you from giving them info. Then at least they're aware. I'd put it into a letter addressed to his doctor, and ask for them to ring you to let you know they've received it.

You never know, next time he's in they may ask certain questions related to his symptoms, subtly. You must worry about him I'm sure but one of the hardest parts of having old or sick parents is accepting that they are their own person and can make their own decisions, even if they're deemed unwise or dangerous (ask me know I know )