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To feel forced to tell work that I'm pregnant

(23 Posts)
mintich Mon 12-Feb-18 18:03:33

I have just received my appointments through for my first midwife appointment and my first scan.
Work say if I want the time off I need to show them the letters which will obviously tell then I'm pregnant.
I had a different boss with my first pregnancy so he never really questioned my appointments!
I thought I could maybe take out the vital info but that's half the letter!
I know I'm going to have to tell them. But I feel it's really unfair!! Has anyone had this problem?

Mummaloves Mon 12-Feb-18 18:05:22

I would ask your Drs surgery to provide you with a letter stating dates and times for just 'appointments'

TinaMena Mon 12-Feb-18 18:05:22

You cannot exercise your legal rights unless you can show you are entitled to them

DarkRosaleen Mon 12-Feb-18 18:09:25

Can you not just tell HR or your line manager and tell them it’s confidential?
(They should know anyway)

Pittcuecothecookbook Mon 12-Feb-18 18:11:00

Just tell them. If the worse happens, you'll need their support anyway x

kaytee87 Mon 12-Feb-18 18:15:17

What if it was just a normal Doctors or dentists appointment? You don't get issued letters for those.
What did you say the appointments were for?
If you really don't want to tell them then you could ask your gp to provide you with a letter with the dates / times and no more info.

PatriciaHolm Mon 12-Feb-18 18:15:39

Problem is you don't have a legal right to time off for general medical appts, just for pregnancy ones. So if you want to guarantee being able to make the appts, work need to know you are pregnant!

mintich Mon 12-Feb-18 18:26:45

Thats just it, if it was a normal doctors appointment, I'd be expected to have it out of work hours.
I don't know why I'm suddenly feeling superstitious! Lots of people knew I was pregnant before 12 weeks last time.
I found out then after fainting so told quite a few friends/family I had gone to hospital so I then had to explain what was actually wrong!

kaytee87 Mon 12-Feb-18 18:28:48

Your workplace sounds terrible and very inflexible. I hope you never work a minute more than your contracted hours op

Backenette Mon 12-Feb-18 18:30:14

My workplace are utter shits about all god. I’m pregnant for the second time and have had to tell them early because I have HG.
As soon as you formally inform them you are protected, so there is an upside.

Backenette Mon 12-Feb-18 18:30:34

All this. Seriously my autocorrect is drunk ..

Brokenbiscuit Mon 12-Feb-18 18:31:40

Sorry, but if you want the time off, then you need to provide the evidence. It isn't unreasonable for them to ask.

DaisyLand Mon 12-Feb-18 18:33:44

I believe if requested you need to proof it’s for these appointments

This is what law says “Except for the first appointment, employees should show the employer (if requested), an appointment card or other documents showing that an appointment has been made”

Backenette Mon 12-Feb-18 18:34:20

The problem, broken is that it’s very easy and some workplaces will fire you if they think you’re trying to be pregnant.

So you run the risk of telling them, having a mc and then them firing you. That’s happened to people I know and that’s why I was so wary about telling my work.

BikeRunSki Mon 12-Feb-18 18:35:14

Tge sooner you tell them, the sooner they will be able to carry out your risk assessment anyway. And YY to pp - if you want to exercise your legal right for time off for antenatal appointments, then they do need to know that you are pregnant. It doesn’t need to be a global email - just a discreet word with your line manager on a “need to know” basis.

Upsy1981 Mon 12-Feb-18 18:36:07

You should tell them anyway. They may need to do risk assessments, make reasonable adjustments etc (depending on the job). They can only support you if they know. I think its different telling work manager/HR in an official and confidential capacity than announcing to friends and family.

NeedsAsockamnesty Mon 12-Feb-18 18:43:48

Apart from your very first appointment you have to show confirmation that it’s a pregnancy related appointment.
But if you want to be paid for the appointment your going to have to disclose what it’s for, the other option is just take it unpaid and tell them it’s a medical appointment you can’t rearange

mintich Mon 12-Feb-18 19:16:41

Surely companies can't fire you for being pregnant?

Backenette Mon 12-Feb-18 19:20:56

Surely companies can't fire you for being pregnant?

No they can’t, legally, but that doesn’t stop them. I’ve seen it happen more than once. Myself I have been discriminated against in pregnancy - perfect performance review on the Monday, informed them be Tuesday, reporting lines stripped from me and sidelined onto shit projects on Wednesday. Shunted sideways into a worse job when I returned from mat leave.

The law and reality are not always the same. I would give them the documents they need, document everything they need and keep a meticulous professional attitude. Congratulations on your pregnancy

ApacheEchidna Mon 12-Feb-18 19:27:39

They can't legally but they still do.

The idea that feminism has "won" is a myth made up by those who want us to stop fighting. (Clue:not feminists)

Take the day as holiday.

greendale17 Mon 12-Feb-18 19:29:38

*Sorry, but if you want the time off, then you need to provide the evidence. It isn't unreasonable for them to ask.*

^This

SweetIcedTea Tue 13-Feb-18 19:19:09

I'm not sure I understand the problem, how can you get time off for ante natal appointments with telling your boss that's what they are? Your boss should keep it confidential.

How are they being inflexible? Other appointments should be in your own time, after work, flexitime, or annual leave.

StripyHorse Tue 13-Feb-18 19:32:50

DC1 I took annual leave because I didn't want to tell work.

DC2 I told my boss (head of HR) a couple of days before the appointment. Little did I know that a colleague had just been to see him to hand in her notice. He promptly called a team meeting to announce both things to the team. Twat!

The moral is; to guarantee it is secret take holiday. Otherwise at least tell your idiot boss that you don't want to share the news with everyone yet.

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