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To not know how to socialise as part of a group?

(6 Posts)
Tinseltower Mon 12-Feb-18 11:00:48

I just end up looking like a weirdo as I sit there in silence listening to the rest of the group natter away.

I do have anxiety in social situations but am much better than I was and I can’t talk 1:1 quite well. However when it comes to groups I don’t get it! There doesn’t seem to be a pause long enough for me to have a turn to talk so someone jumps in before me. I have tried to just talk but I end up talking over someone then feeling really embarrassed and not want to try again!

How does it work, are there any rules?

I’m finding I’m getting excluded with school mums from other things as I can’t seem to join in.

Idontdowindows Mon 12-Feb-18 11:11:10

A good way to start getting into group converrsations is to practice making the right noises: "uhuh" "yeah, I know!" "been there, isn't it awful".

If at the moment you're just sitting, they'll find you a bit weird, but if you start with just noises of affirmation or agreement, you'll be seen as actively engaging!

It doesn't take much to be seen as engaging in the group chat. smile

Tinseltower Mon 12-Feb-18 11:15:36

Thank you windows, I’ll try that! My OP was meant to say I can do 1:1 quite well, not can’t!

Idontdowindows Mon 12-Feb-18 12:02:23

If you're out on your own and have the time, just observe a few groups, you'll see there is always one one in the group who is doing exactly that: nodding, uhu-ing, just interjecting with yes or oh no and the like smile

SweetMoon Mon 12-Feb-18 12:10:57

I was exactly like this, but it does get batter over time as you gain more confidence and life experience. I still think I'm shy in groups but noone seems to notice this now and people I now know think i'm actually really confident (I am not!).

Making noises is a good way to get included. I also found that if I mentally prepared a list of a few topics I could talk about, that helped in starting conversations. Things like, oh did anyone see such and such the other day or did anyone go to that new blah blah blah etc.

Don't worry, you'll get there just keep at it. It honestly gets easier the more you do it.

Tinseltower Mon 12-Feb-18 13:22:16

Thank you, I wouldn’t have realised I could join in by something so simple! I will give it a go. I don’t have this problem with a long standing group of friends, just school mums and work colleagues!

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