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To not have to face discrimination because of (incorrectly) perceived income and for some putdown suggestions please!

(30 Posts)
pootleperkinandposy22 Mon 12-Feb-18 10:36:43

Please can you help me come up with something to say in this situation...

My DC’s attend an out of school activity where the instructor has recently discovered where we live (not that it was a secret!). Since then he keeps making snide remarks. e.g. about what type of car we must drive-

“How’s the Landrover today”
(We don't have a big car btw not that it should matter either way!)

He also puts on a posh accent and says to us and our kids in front of all the other kids-

“oh you come from Pootletown don’t you?”
Followed by a sneer and a smiley face-as if its a joke.

I just don’t know how to react. It seems so petty but this kind of stuff has always got to me. I just smile normally and said “I wish” to the Landrover comment!

Then I am so annoyed with myself. I can’t bring myself to say anything nasty back because I’m just not like that.

I used to really respect this guy, his knowledge and what he taught the kids so I don’t want to piss him off but I don’t think this is right.

I need to know what to say to shut him up without it being a cheap dig!!

Any ideas anyone? I know I need assertiveness training blush


ShanghaiDiva Mon 12-Feb-18 10:42:48

I would not say anything nasty to him - just ignore the playground behaviour. Sounds like an absolute prat.
Ignore, smile, ignore .

MadMags Mon 12-Feb-18 10:45:19

My son’s martial arts coach is a bit like this.

It’s really weird.

Last time, I just gave him a confused look but didn’t join in. Nor was I rude. And he sort of got embarrassed and eased off after that.

It’s a weird one!

Cupofcake Mon 12-Feb-18 10:46:45

No comebacks. Id just tell him he is offensive and report him to whoever is above him.

MyRelationshipIsWeird Mon 12-Feb-18 10:49:52

If you’re paying this guy to teach your DCs he is an idiot for making you feel uncomfortable. I know it seems hard but I would take him aside at the end of a session if he does it again and say “I’m sure you don’t mean to be rude when you say XYZ but actually I’m finding it a bit uncomfortable and would rather not be paying you good money to take the mickey.”

IamtheDevilsAvocado Mon 12-Feb-18 10:58:41

What about: nope! no Land Rover and no diamond tiaras either, and then smile....

If he says it again, say 'you must stop making remarks about my supposed income and where I live, I'm finding this really irritating and not funny.

Don't smile or cock your head to one side. It lessens the impact.

Make sure he realises you are deadly serious.

say you will make a formal complaint as you are finding this so tiresome.

IamtheDevilsAvocado Mon 12-Feb-18 11:00:52

I suspect its all about massive chip in shoulder and trying to make you feel uncomfortable... I wouldn't admit to it...

I think irritation and boredom + complaint if he continues....

Does your kid enjoy the activities??

newyearsameme80 Mon 12-Feb-18 11:03:43

It’s not discrimination is it as you are experiencing no disadvantage because of it? A form of harassment though. Can you make it really obvious that you are pissed off rather than laughing if it happens again, you don’t want to turn it into a form of banter in his head.

Bluelady Mon 12-Feb-18 11:03:53

A simple "And your problem is?" with a bit of a hard stare would probably work.

pootleperkinandposy22 Mon 12-Feb-18 11:09:34

Thanks everyone

MadMags-funnily enough this is a Martial Arts teacher too!

IamtheDevilsAvocado-One of theDC enjoys it, the other one finds it difficult as he is very insecure after some bullying.
We were trying to build his confidence by going to this class and it was working but I think the comments the instructor is making are more likely to undermine it again!!!
That's why I feel I need to set a really good example to my DC how to deal with this stuff.
Unfortunately I'm not very good at it myself.

Thanks for all the suggestions everyone, I will try them out.

Snowydaysarehere Mon 12-Feb-18 11:13:34

The Land rover is fine, my dh is just off out to have his penis gold - plated.

JingsMahBucket Mon 12-Feb-18 11:13:39

How about you just ask him to stop making jokes along that vein? Tell him it's making your kids uncomfortable and a lot of it isn't based on reality anyway.

Fairenuff Mon 12-Feb-18 11:14:34

Find another class. Why are you paying this man to insult you and your children?

GertNBert Mon 12-Feb-18 11:17:31

How about you just ask him to stop making jokes along that vein? Tell him it's making your kids uncomfortable and a lot of it isn't based on reality anyway.

That's what I would do to. Clever or witty comebacks don't work. Just tell him you don't like it and would he please stop.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish Mon 12-Feb-18 11:17:47

Are you paying for this activity? If you are take the instructor aside (out of sight and earshot of the kids) and ask him does he have a problem with your family?,

When he says "what do you mean/I don't know what you mean" etc then calmly tell him all the snide comments and remarks to you and your kids, then tell him you don't appreciate the comments about your family/car etc especially when you are paying for the activity,

If he doesn't apologise to you and the kids and stop the comments after saying the above to him then find another similar activity class in your area and send the kids there

And if you do leave give him a bad review online listing exactly why you pulled your kids out of the activity

TinklyLittleLaugh Mon 12-Feb-18 11:18:00

Just take him to one side and say, "Mate I know the Landrover stuff is just bants, but I brought little Pootle here to build his confidence and I think think the jibing is having a negative effect. I would really appreciate you toning it down because being here is doing him so much good."

LegallyBronde Mon 12-Feb-18 11:18:03

Ask him why is still going on about it? Is he thinking of moving there? Is he planning on gifting you a land rover as you aren't in the market for one? DH has a relative like this and I find a long drawn out "aaand?" +hard stare works well. The dickhead shuts up then.

StripeyDeckchair Mon 12-Feb-18 11:26:44

Land Rover, no I drive a Yaris, you must have me mixed up with another parent. (Helpfully) I'm Xs mum.

PerfPower Mon 12-Feb-18 11:36:23

I had something similar at work a few years ago when a colleague found out where I lived. He was new and I'd worked there a long time and he called me 'Lady myname', I let it go the first time. The second time he did a sweeping bow as I entered the staff room and called me 'lady myname' again, there were other people around and I didn't want to embarrass him so I let it go again but I was annoyed. The third time he tugged his forelock and did a weird little dance on his toes and I just stared at him with a dead straight face and said 'Stop it.' I held eye contact until he turned away. He never did it again. In fact, now I think about it, I don't think he ever spoke to me again. So probably best not to do that.

HairyWorm Mon 12-Feb-18 11:36:57

Muster your best serious/confused face. Look him in the eye - 'i beg your pardon?', I don't understand, what do you mean?'
I think when we smile at twatty men and make a joke to difuse the awkwardness, then we let them off the hook. It doesn't have to be confrontational, just pretend you're genuinely confused and ask him to explain. He'll soon realise he's being a dick and start trying to squirm.
It's quite enjoyable really.

TheViceOfReason Mon 12-Feb-18 11:41:20

I used to have a colleague who made stupid remarks like that - in the end i'd just pull a combined confused / annoyed face, say "eh?" and then turn away with a slight shake of my head and say "anyway...."

He stopped.

RedForFilth Mon 12-Feb-18 11:43:06

I get the same but because I live in a rough area. I don't bother playing games I just tell them they're being rude and shouldn't stereotype all people from one area because it's pathetic.

Str4ngedaysindeed Mon 12-Feb-18 11:46:19

We get this - because we 'own' ( rent from the bank) a house in a particularly difficult and very expensive to buy city. Everyone assumes we must be absolutely loaded but at this very moment I am actually in tears about the state of our finances and how much I am having to work to manage. I wish we could move away but it just isn't possible at the moment. Nasty comments and envy dont help. 😔 I completely appreciate that we are very fortunate to be in this position but hate the assumptions.

EfficiencyDeficiency Mon 12-Feb-18 11:50:49

You could always just reply that you actually just have a 4 man tent and camp in someone's garden and the dc are being taught martial arts to defend themselves from wild foxes etc.

Seriously though op, plain and simple, he's just jealous. His problem not yours.

Fairenuff Mon 12-Feb-18 11:56:19

I don't think talking to him will work.

Are you there the whole time during the class OP. If not, he will continue to bully your children.

Seriously. Just vote with your feet and your wallet and join a different class. There are loads of them out there.

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