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Second wedding bridesmaids issue!

(42 Posts)
Goodgonegirl Sun 11-Feb-18 23:07:31

My fiancé and I are planning to get married next year. Second wedding for me, first for him. I would like a small wedding, immediate family only. He would like a few more guests. Fine, the dilema is bridesmaids.

I have a 19 year old daughter. I would like her to walk me down the isle. No other bridesmaids. But then he said his daughter should be included (14 year old), which I understand. Then if we were having two bridesmaids my neice (4 years old) also would expect to be included. So that means three bridesmaids in a very small wedding! 25 guests only, is this too much? How can I include everyone? Or not, without anyone being offended?

Littlefish Sun 11-Feb-18 23:19:12

Why should your niece "expect to be included"? Just have your daughter and his daughter. Explain to your sister/brother that it's a small wedding and you're just having the two daughters in the ceremony.

Alternatively, if you want to have your niece involved, then just have her as well.

There are no real rules about weddings now - just do what you want to do!

Sweetpea55 Mon 12-Feb-18 07:15:00

No rules for weddings.. You have whatever you like. The two daughters sound a good idea.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Mon 12-Feb-18 07:19:09

At what point would a four year old expect to be included in a wedding? My four year old wouldn’t expect that. confused

FrancisCrawford Mon 12-Feb-18 07:20:12

The two daughters sound lovely out don’t need to have your DN as a flower girl, even if she wants to be one. Just explain it is the two DDs as attendants and that’s it.

greenbeansqueen Mon 12-Feb-18 07:23:13

You have a kid each old enough to actually help out. You leave it at that. No 4 year old will ‘expect’ to be included - the parents of the 4 year old might but tell them you’re just having the older girls.

AmethystRaven Mon 12-Feb-18 07:23:51

Maybe the little one could just wear a fancy dress and you tell her she's a bridesmaid. She doesn't need any official duties, she'll be happy with a tiara or something!

Peachyking000 Mon 12-Feb-18 07:23:59

I don’t think there is a right or wrong number of bridesmaids to have. I’m sure it would be nice for the 4 years old to be a flower girl. I had 3 at my very small wedding. DH had 4 best men (I know)

SuperBeagle Mon 12-Feb-18 07:25:44

Surely the 4 year old couldn't give a hoot? It'd be the parents who "expect" for her to be included.

Tough luck. You have your wedding your way; no obligation to include the niece.

RippleEffects Mon 12-Feb-18 07:28:18

If it's small and family could she not be a flower girl? Off the shelf flouncy dress in similar colouring to the wedding, parents bring her to service, she gets to walk with younger daughter up aisle then back with parents for service. She gets to be in some photos but so does everyone.

She'll feel a part of things, your sibling will feel more a part of things, cost is minimal and young bridesmaids generally only want the flouncy dress and to be able to say I was a bridesmaid.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Mon 12-Feb-18 07:30:21

Can the 14 year old not be her dad's "best man"?

hesterton Mon 12-Feb-18 07:30:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hesterton Mon 12-Feb-18 07:31:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ickyockycocky Mon 12-Feb-18 07:31:54

I think three is fine, if that’s what you want. I love to see bridesmaids with the bride at weddings, it makes it all look so special. I would definitely have the three you’ve mentioned.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Mon 12-Feb-18 07:32:15

I’m having four bridesmaids and two flower girls. My DP is having 5 groomsmen.

Have as many as YOU want.

daydreamnation Mon 12-Feb-18 07:35:02

When I remarried I had my best friend and 15 year old dd as bridesmaids. I had a few sniffy comments about various nieces etc but totally ignored all of them grin

NewYearNewMe18 Mon 12-Feb-18 07:38:57

I would like her to walk me down the isle. - in this respect your daughter is acting in place of your father, no 'bridesmaid' about it.

If he wants to give his 14yo daughter a job, then she can be his best man non gender specific supporter.

movingtowardsthelight Mon 12-Feb-18 07:40:47

It sounds a bit like the issues I've thought about.

Our wedding is similar size (29). My daughter will be my bridesmaid but not actually do anything other than help me get ready and have our hair done together.
I have a niece I am close to and a 4 year old on my husband to be's side.

I've decided to get beautiful dresses for them and ask them to join in and enjoy the day. They can be matching in photos. We are not having a church wedding so I won't be given away. The girls can stand or sit at the front if they want to.

I think young girls just like to look lovely, feel included and be in photos. I'm hoping I've made the right decisions.

lalalalyra Mon 12-Feb-18 07:41:45

You don't need to include your niece, but he's absolutely spot on about his DD being included.

Anyone who had an issue with you two involving your two DD's, but no-one else in your wedding is a bit of an idiot tbh. It's quite clear why those two would be chosen.

KatnissK Mon 12-Feb-18 07:41:55

I was a bridesmaid at a wedding where there were 8 of us - and it wasn't a huge wedding either! There was a bit of a joke that basically all the female guests were bridesmaids (an exaggeration!) but all very good natured and we had a lovely day. Just do what you want and don't worry about it.

Springtrolls Mon 12-Feb-18 07:42:21

His dd and my dd are included so they do t feel pushed out. Chucking in a random family member takes away it being special for them and us.

If Parent of niece doesn’t understand that’s their problem and they can get married/renew vows and have niece

ShowMeTheElf Mon 12-Feb-18 07:46:10

14Yo gets a special dress/stands with her father and does a reading.
Your DD walks you down the aisle.
DN comes with her parents and gets a special activity pack/maybe a wand with flowers on to keep her entertained, but no special role.

Sarahh2014 Mon 12-Feb-18 07:47:16

I'd say just your daughters are the best choice.We had just our ds 2.5 and our nieces and nephews weren't involved.Do what you want it's your day ( it was my second also)

Sparkletastic Mon 12-Feb-18 07:52:29

Your daughter acting in 'father of the bride'
capacity, his in 'best man' capacity. No bridesmaids and striking a blow for feminism to boot!

ExecutiveDiamondBossBabeHun Mon 12-Feb-18 07:54:25

4 bridesmaids 4 flower girls at my 60 person wedding! I have a lot of neices and didn't want to hurt anyones feelings grin

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