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AIBU to feel upset that my DM has a favourite...

(38 Posts)
Pocketfullofsunshine89 Sun 11-Feb-18 18:06:25

AIBU to be upset that my DM has said that my DC1 will always be her favourite GC and that my DC2 won't be the same (currently pregnant with DC2) she said all grandmothers have a favourite?

Minxmumma Sun 11-Feb-18 18:17:13

Did she say it to reassure your DC1 because baby is on the way?
She has no idea how she will feel when dc2 arrives so it's a bit daft really. My DM was much the same but with 4 dgc now says she can't have a favourite as they are all unique and special in their own way.
It is upsetting but I am sure she will change

readysteadyteddy Sun 11-Feb-18 18:18:31

She sounds like a nasty person.

Snowydaysarehere Sun 11-Feb-18 18:20:39

Don't let her be telling your pfb he is superior to the sibling.
My dm put dd on a pedestal and it was very unfair on her 3x db.
One of the reasons we are nc.

Justmuddlingalong Sun 11-Feb-18 18:21:09

She probably means she can't imagine loving another child as much as DGC1. But she will.

Pocketfullofsunshine89 Sun 11-Feb-18 18:41:45

DC1 was in a separate room so he wouldn't have heard. DC1 is excited about his new DB coming.

DM said this one wouldn't be the same because she wouldn't be as close to DC2 and DC1 will always be her favourite because it was her first GC and he's special to her. DM said she was allowed to have a favourite and it's not like the new baby could hear what she saying.

HateTheDF Sun 11-Feb-18 19:22:03

What a nasty thing to say. I'd keep on eye out for things if I were you. My DS was the favourite with my Grandmother and it was very obvious and it has caused an awful lot of resentment over the years.

Wellthen Sun 11-Feb-18 19:39:08

I think you’re reasonable to be upset - it was a crass hurtful thing to say. But as GC isn’t even here yet I would just completely ignore her. Many parents feel they will never love a baby as much as their first but they don’t go round saying ‘everyone had favourites’

Plus, if you give it too much attention she may feel she has to stick to her guns whereas if you just shrug and move on, she may openly change her mind when GC2 arrives.

Rebeccaslicker Sun 11-Feb-18 19:41:59

That would upset me too - poor DC2 isn't even here yet and she's putting him down! My DM and DG always said, "babies bring the love with them so there's always enough for each" or words to that effect - as a small child, I pictured it as a big fluffy roll of cloud/blanket blush

ApocalypseNowt Sun 11-Feb-18 19:42:27

I think some GP's will have a favourite but most of them will also have the tact not to say or show it.

The way your DM said it was hurtful and unnecessary.

Wakeuptortoise Sun 11-Feb-18 19:45:36

Quite a nasty attitude to have. Did she play favorites with you and siblings or are you an only.
People can come out with some bizarre ideas. Very uncouth to voice them too. She been watching too many soaps?

FizzyGreenWater Sun 11-Feb-18 19:47:01

I'd fix her with a gimlet eye and say, well, you can have all the favourites you want, but if you're stupid enough to show it even once in front of my children you won't have a favourite at all because you won't get to see them. And that's something I'm allowed to do, so watch your step!

ManagedTeaCups Sun 11-Feb-18 19:49:41

My mil said to me while I was pregnant that she’d love our dc but not in the same way as her dd’s Dd , 1st grandchild as they would have a special bond forever. She’s a nasty woman to even think it but why would you say it?!

Fishcalledlola Sun 11-Feb-18 19:51:21

My gran was besotted with my older brother. Unfortunately, when I was born db was sent to stay with grandma whilst DM and I were at the hospital (for a week in those days).
Upon arrival home, db took an obvious dislike to me and took out his anger and frustration on grandma, my mum said he wouldn't speak to her, was rude and upset her.
I guess these things have a way of sorting themselves out. I never noticed a favoured grandchild growing up.

FizzyGreenWater Sun 11-Feb-18 19:53:07

Oh and my granny was all about the 'special grandchild' too - me. 'You were born for me' - bleurgh.

No, we didn't end up with a good relationship. People who are unfair like that are unfair to everyone, even the chosen one, they just don't realise it. I respected her as little as my siblings did, for playing favouites- the fact that I was that favourite made no difference except to make me want to keep my distance. So your mum is on a hiding to nothing with that attitude.

Goldmandra Sun 11-Feb-18 19:58:01

My DD1 was always the favourite with MIL. DD2 didn't notice but she did. Her opinion of her DGM deteriorated as she matured and realised how badly she was behaving.

In the end she started to refuse to visit her DGPs and she chose not to attend her DGM's funeral.

It would be sad if the same happened to your DM.

GoodJobShesCute Sun 11-Feb-18 20:09:46

I think my Mum can be a bit like this and I just don't get it. It baffles me why anyone would ever consider let alone talk about having favourites. Surely there's enough love to go round? She used to tell me when I was a child that my brother was her favourite as he was her first born. She wasn't being mean, she's actually not a mean person, she was just being honest but it was obviously very upsetting to me! 30 years on and I find my relationship with her really challenging.

I have a teenage niece and nephew and I genuinely love them both equally, despite spending more time with my niece as we just have more in common.

So, you are totally not being unreasonable!

whoareyoukidding Sun 11-Feb-18 20:13:56

Sorry OP your DM is an idiot. Ignore her when she spouts such crap.

altiara Sun 11-Feb-18 20:24:46

Do fizzygreen’s first post with the gimlet eye!
Have you got in laws that could look after DC1 while you’re having DC2? You could make it known that the in laws don’t have favourites and how wonderful it is.

KindergartenKop Sun 11-Feb-18 20:37:17

Do you have siblings? Maybe she actually doesn't understand that she could love them both equally.

YellowMakesMeSmile Sun 11-Feb-18 21:28:53

Wrong to voice it out loud but it's not uncommon in both parents and grandparents to have a favourite.

yolofish Sun 11-Feb-18 21:36:17

Wrong in so many ways... but they reap what they sow. When I was pregnant with DD2, SIL having already had her first, MIL told me "it's exciting when your DIL has a baby, but so much more so when your own DD has one". That kind of set the tone for the next 20 years.... and funnily enough none of our nuclear family are really that bothered with the ILs.

NotASingleFuckToGive Sun 11-Feb-18 21:44:50

I'm my DGM's favourite, and always was. My DB came a distant second, and it was obvious that I was the apple of her eye, while DB was overlooked as more of a nuisance. I judge my DM for facilitating that inequality, just because DGM being around meant free babysitting.
It caused major resentment issues between us as siblings, please don't allow her to show favouritism once DC is here OP.

Teeniemiff Sun 11-Feb-18 21:51:13

My mom said this to me, it was more that no other child could be as special & loved as much as the first grandchild (my 4 year old). Her younger sister is 10 months & my mom loves her so much. I reminded her of it not so long ago, she said it was just hard to imagine she could love another like my first.

FartyMcLetFly Sun 11-Feb-18 21:56:33

My MIL has never said it but DS is her first GC and she definitely seems to treat him different to his younger cousins, not in terms of buying gifts or anything like that she seems to just have more patience/tolerance of him?

I have often wondered whether it is because he is first GC and so they have a bit of a special bond or if it's because of his cousins he is the most easy going/laid back hence she's more patient with him?

Could be a bit of both....

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