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Mother in Law Holiday

(116 Posts)
Starlive22 Sun 11-Feb-18 13:08:44

Hello ladies!
Just wondering what other people's opinions on this...
Expecting our first baby on 24th March!!
Basically, to cut a long story short my MIL had planned a holiday to Spain on 10th - 20th March. Which she booked after she knew we were expecting.

We are currently under consultant care as I've had a few problems during the pregnancy, one of which being polyhydramnios (too much fluid) and it shows no sign of going away at the moment. Baby is measuring very large (95%) and so there has been talk of inducing\ c section early, though nothing definite at the mo.

Basically if MIL goes on holiday there is a good chance she will miss baby's arrival. It's their first grandchild, though as she has said she would be upset if she missed it, she hadn't mentioned not going, in fact she's confirmed she isn't changing her plans. She goes to this villa with her cousins every year, so not like a once in a lifetime holiday.

Don't know if I'm just being hormonal but feeling sad about this. My mum will be here, but of course I want MIL here for my husband. She might regret it later.

Sorry it's so long! I can really ramble on!

womaninatightspot Sun 11-Feb-18 13:13:28

TBH this wouldn't bother me babies are much the same for the first few weeks. Loads of people would be grateful that she wasn't planning to impose herself upon you. If she cancelled wouldn't you feel obliged to spend lots of time with her to make cancelling worthwhile?

Blackteadrinker77 Sun 11-Feb-18 13:13:41

I don't see anything wrong with this.

At most little one will be 10 days old when she gets to meet and cuddle them.

user1493413286 Sun 11-Feb-18 13:16:19

I do get why you feel sad as I know my mum or mil wouldn’t have done it; in fact my mum cancelled a holiday she had booked a month before my due date when it became clear my DD would be coming early.
It’s her loss though and once the baby is here you’ll be too wrapped in the baby’s needs to care and it’ll be up to her whether she regrets it.

PeerieBreeks Sun 11-Feb-18 13:19:15

It wouldn't bother me. Much better that than her moving in, expecting to be waited on hand and foot and constantly demanding to be centre of attention.

kaytee87 Sun 11-Feb-18 13:20:46

There's nothing wrong with this at all. She can meet the baby when it's 1 or 2 weeks old, make absolutely no difference.

DriggleDraggle Sun 11-Feb-18 13:21:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePinkOcelot Sun 11-Feb-18 13:21:39

Crikey, this is unusual! You actually want your MIL to be around? That’s the first time I’ve read that on MN!

Belfastbird Sun 11-Feb-18 13:22:47

Wouldn't bother me - give you a bit longer with fewer visitors when you're recovering!

MadMags Sun 11-Feb-18 13:23:52

I don’t think she’s doing anything wrong.

ReggaetonLente Sun 11-Feb-18 13:25:17

I’d rejoice. But I get the feeling our MILs are probably very different!

I get whet you mean about being sad for your DH. You need your mum in those early days, not for the baby, for you. Even just for a cuddle and to hear they’re proud of you.

BaffledMummy Sun 11-Feb-18 13:25:50

I think this is a problem loads of mumsnetters would love to have!

CherryMaDeary Sun 11-Feb-18 13:26:19

She might have found a really good deal!

dancingthroughthedark Sun 11-Feb-18 13:26:24

If she's read the million or so threads on here from people not wanting their in Laws around for the birth or any time soon afterwards she probably thinks you would prefer her not to be there!

Starlive22 Sun 11-Feb-18 13:26:44

Yeah, good points all round! I suppose I feel a bit hurt that she doesn't seem a bit more excited. Her attitude of 'there will be more' makes it feel a bit less special.

But as PP have commented, I would rather this than her turning up and interfering!

She's said all along she feels left out (I guess compared to my mum who I'm obviously much closer to) and I feel if she feels left out it will somehow end up being our fault!

alotalotalot Sun 11-Feb-18 13:28:40

I'd feel sad that she didn't want to for the baby's sake and Dh's sake, but I wouldn't dwell on it. It probably would make me feel less warm towards her in general though.

mindutopia Sun 11-Feb-18 13:30:15

Neither of our parents would want to be physically present for the birth of our kids (and neither of us would want them). My MIL didn't see our first until she was 10 days old (partly our choice, partly hers) and my mum doesn't live close enough anyway and only came when she was 6 weeks. She probably knows rightly that you'll need and want some space in the first few days and she'll be back in time, even if you do give birth while she is away, to help you out once all the excitement has died down.

dingdongdigeridoo Sun 11-Feb-18 13:30:18

I’d honestly find it a bit of a relief. In those early days, the fewer visitors coming round the better. It’s chaos. She’ll see the baby once it’s in a better routine and you’re feeling a bit more human.

NewYearNewMe18 Sun 11-Feb-18 13:30:49

TBH a planned c/section is usually 3 weeks before the due date - they don't take a risk of leaving it too close in case of a natural labour occurring.

JediStoleMyBike Sun 11-Feb-18 13:31:17

You can't control the actions of anyone else, you can only control your reaction. Just let it go. It's not your fault unless your partner has been keeping her out of the loop.

grannytomine Sun 11-Feb-18 13:31:59

Has she been left out? I can understand her feeling she would rather take the initiative and do something positive rather than sitting feeling sorry for herself. It is probably better for you as well as she is less likely to be resentful if she has done something positive.

MatildaTheCat Sun 11-Feb-18 13:32:14

I see your point but do remember the other type of MIL is a million times worse. She doesn’t sound like she will interfere. She may have been working on the ‘first babies are always late’ theory I guess. Or she’s genuinely not of the type who needs to be there the instant your baby is born.

Good luck with the birth. She may surprise you and herself by becoming a very doting granny still.

MatildaTheCat Sun 11-Feb-18 13:33:12

NewYear in the U.K. an elective CS is performed at 39 weeks.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sun 11-Feb-18 13:33:52

My ex in laws were away when DD was born. I'd have no issue with them being around. My mum was there, luckily in time as she went away 2 days later.

NinaNoSleep Sun 11-Feb-18 13:34:23

My parents did very similar, not just MIL's!

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