Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2

AIBU?

AIBU to think women should be able to go out without being groped?

39 replies

FannyAnnie01 · 11/02/2018 08:14

An extremely rare night out with my husband in to the city centre last night. Drinks, meal dancing etc.
Back to a bar after a meal and having a dance when I felt a hand across my arse....now I don't mean a quick pinch or an accidental brush by....ive spent less time actually wiping my arse!!
This guys hand went in to the Indent of my bum crack (obviously over the top of my jeans)!
The shock on my face was evident. And I MASSIVELY down played it to my husband and said the guy had his hand on my back.

Upon leaving the bar minutes later we walked by the guy....i saw red.....i asked him what right he thought he had. He glared at me..... I ended up punching him. Lost it completely.

Why as women can we not go out without the threat of being groped or touched inappropriately??
I am so so bloody angry right now.

OP posts:

Report

Willowthewasp · 11/02/2018 08:22

Yes this happened to me when I went out last week with some friends, just thought he could have a feel . I told him to get the fuck off my arse but I imagine many women would just not say anything. I don't think they are getting the message. Pricks.

FannyAnnie01 · 11/02/2018 08:30

Willowthewasp - I'm even annoyed at myself that my initial reaction was to downplay it to my DH because I knew what his reaction would have been. It would have kicked of MASSIVELY so to prevent that i lied about what the guy did.
Of course it ended up in an argument because DH was annoyed i didnt tell him and he would have "sorted" it....but then of course he would have been jumped by the bouncers and carnage would have ensued!??
So women get groped and then have to consider the reactions of others before being allowed to react to what happened to them.... or is that just me?

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 11/02/2018 09:16

"So women get groped and then have to consider the reactions of others before being allowed to react to what happened to them...."

That's what we really need to remove and make sure that our DDs etc don't have that reaction.

Another big issue is that the whole of Society is conditioned to minimise sexual assault and question the victim's motives.

The only way to start dealing with this is zero tolerance and that involves Security Staff as well.

There was a thread against CCTV the other day, but I welcome the increase in it.

Scribblegirl · 11/02/2018 09:18

You were wrong to punch him but this stuff incenses me so definitely not unreasonable about the groping. It's just so fucking tedious.

Scribblegirl · 11/02/2018 09:20

I've involved security before birds but often get told it's a compliment

DH is lovely and tends to ask would I like him to have a word, although I'd usually say no (if I don't feel physically threatened I'd prefer to speak to them myself, and if it is a dangerous situation neither of us are doing it).

Lethaldrizzle · 11/02/2018 09:22

It is terrible and im sorry it has happened to tou but it's not something that has ever been a massive issue for me and my friends over the years. In fact I'm not sure I've ever been groped on a night out.

gamerwidow · 11/02/2018 09:29

Oh well then lethaldrizzle I guess if it hasn’t happened to you everyone else is just making a fuss about nothing.
OP you are of course entirely right it shouldn’t happen and men get away with it because we have to do the mental calculations of how much we have to minimise their bad behaviour in order to be safe rather than being able to call them out in it safe in the knowledge other people will back us up.

SweetMoon · 11/02/2018 09:30

Happened recently to me and I'm not some hot young thing in skinny jeans. So I can imagine it's pretty par for the course for younger women if someone like me is getting their arse felt. Some men are just pigs. I put this one in his place pretty damn sharpish.

I am also making sure my boys know this type of thing is never acceptable. Don't know how to stop it but I worry for my girls.

Scribblegirl · 11/02/2018 09:31

lethaldrizzle I'm sorry some women get raped, but it's never been a problem for me or my close friends

Aeroflotgirl · 11/02/2018 09:35

I don't blame you, what gives men the right to see women as possessions to do with what they P,ease and treat with total disrespect. You were right to call him out on it. Punching woukd have been risky, you being charged with assault, and you don't know what his reaction could be. He coukd trun very violent.

BeyondThePage · 11/02/2018 09:35

My mate last weekend had a similar sleazebag grope her - her response:

grab hand, raise it "GROPER, THERE'S A SLEAZY, SLIMY, GROPER OVER HERE - SECURITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE."

Security chucked him out, management bought her (and us!) a drink..

Aeroflotgirl · 11/02/2018 09:37

Some men are nasty, absusive, narcessistic pigs. They put men in a very bad light. Dh would never ever do a thing like this. Totally respectful.

RingFence · 11/02/2018 09:40

You shouldn't have attacked him, that's a criminal offence, especially as it was some time after the groping incident. If you'd injured him badly it would be GBH rather than self defence.

I've been groped on the tube a few times. My reaction is to step back into them and tread on their foot HARD. Or jab them in the ribs with my elbow. Once I said loudly 'excuse me I think you're accidentally feeling my bottom' which caused everyone to stare and the man shuffled off!

Aeroflotgirl · 11/02/2018 09:40

Good on yiur friend Beyond, we should collectively stand up against this nonesence. Mabey not quite like Beyond friend reaction, but challenging them, and calling them out on their behaviour. I had this as a young 18 year old over 20 years ago. Tge guy was black, grabbed my hand on the dance floor and put it on his willy. I quickly removed it and said no thank yiu. He got arsey and called tge racial card. I said no, it's because you were disrespectful.

worridmum · 11/02/2018 09:41

Everyone should have the right to go out without being sexually assaulted.

MarklahMarklah · 11/02/2018 09:42

I was on a train once when a woman raised a man's hand and shouted, "Has anyone lost this? I found it on my bum."
A very red-faced man practically ran off at the next stop.

ChipInTheSugar · 11/02/2018 09:44

This happens to my 18 yo daughter on nights out - usually by men over 40 It makes me want to walk up and down the lines of people queueing to get in the club telling them not to fucking touch my child!

She did actually swing for a lad on holiday who thought it was okay to cup her genitals as he squeezed past her. I would have defended her actions to the hilt if required Who the fuck do these men think they are?

Dancingfairy · 11/02/2018 09:54

This use to happen to me when I use to go out but it would happen when walking through the crowds and when I turned round there would be a group of men looking in the opposite direction so I wouldn't know which one it was. So couldn't really say anything. Anyway I'm not sure why you punched him though. Not needed IMO.

Coconutspongexo · 11/02/2018 09:56

Lethaldrizzle

How nice for you, I’ve had a man physically out his hand up the front of my skirt whilst I’ve been out, luckily the bouncer removed him from the club. I went home after it, didn’t really make me want to stay out.

LuckyAmy1986 · 11/02/2018 09:59

This has happened to me so many times. One that sticks out is in a packed club he put his hand on my ass as we were all trying to squeeze past each other. It was so tightly packed nothing much I could do but put my hand on top of his and dig my long sharp nails in as hard as I could. The look on his face! He was not expecting that. Do NOT touch me!!!!

Fluffyears · 11/02/2018 10:03

marklah I did that. Getting off the train and a guy felt my arse so I grabbed his wrist and put his hand in the air and loudly shouted ‘excuse me has anyone lost this? I just found it stuck to my arse!’ Then I gave him a disgusted look. I hope he thinks twice next time.

Sinistrophobia · 11/02/2018 10:04

The last time I went out there was a group of men on a works night out behind me at the bar and two of them stood behind me and pretended to do sexual acts behind me, essentially pretending they were having sex with me and smacking my arse and pretending to put their fingers inside me. While the rest of their group laughed and encouraged them. I didn't know what was going on at first but when I did I was absolutely furious. I shouted at them repeatedly asking them why they thought they could do that and why did they have no respect etc etc and they just blankly stared at me and kept saying "I don't know" over and over. The other men they were with found my reaction hilarious and kept laughing and telling me to slap them.
Why do people think this is acceptable?! It was early and the lights were still on in the bar as well, lots of people saw and no one said anything.. shock

NotSoSprightly · 11/02/2018 10:11

Beyond Thats hilarious and amazing, good on her!

I've had men touching my arse standing behind me if I've been waiting for a drink at the bar.

ChickenPeanut · 11/02/2018 10:14

Good for you OP.
It's fucking infuriating

Slanetylor · 11/02/2018 10:21

This has happened to me every now and then from the age of 12. I don't know. I used to be tiny , short and 7 stone. It might be that, but I never would physically stand up for myself. I would just quickly and quietly get away. I applaud and admire those who would stamp on a guys foot or slap him but also I hope it doesn't become expected behaviour. " why didn't you call him out if it upset you?" Because I never could.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.