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Smoke and baby

(8 Posts)
123whatsmyusername Sun 11-Feb-18 08:07:37

I just need a bit of perspective please. Background - I’m very close to my DM and DF. Usually see them once a week and speak to them most days via text/phone. When I see them, I usually go to their house. They smoke inside the house and always have done, since before DB and I were born. Until I moved out around 10 years ago, I didn’t realise just how horrible the smell of stale smoke is. I always choose outfits I can wash straight away and wash my hair later that day.However, I choose to see them there so I completely accept this. They can do whatever they want in their own house.
I’m now pregnant and they now kindly either don’t smoke in the house while I’m there or smoke in a spare bedroom which is never used. I don’t ask them to do this. They do smoke in the house for the rest of the time though.
WIBU to refuse to take the baby there once it’s born? They can visit my house as much as they like (15mins drive away) or meet up elsewhere. Basically, I just don’t want my baby to smell like stale cigarettes. I really don’t want to offend them, though.

maddiemookins16mum Sun 11-Feb-18 08:14:02

YANBU and I'm a smoker (not a huge one but still smoke).
I've never smoked inside either.

The thought of a tiny baby reeking of stale smoke is horrible and smoking in the spare room makes no difference, the smell will still permeate the house.

BookHelpPlease Sun 11-Feb-18 08:35:17


I wouldn't even let them hold baby without a shower and change of clothes. No offence but they must stink! Anyone who smokes in their house does.

They will be breathing out smoke and toxins but up to an hour after their last fag. You do not wan that being breathed all over baby or baby inhaling their smelly clothes.

Send them some leaflets and if they care two hoots about seeing their tiny delicate grandchild they will sort themselves out!

WonderLime Sun 11-Feb-18 08:49:42

I had the exact same situation with my DM. I haven’t been to her house since before my DS was born (I used to visit every other week). She lives 15 mins away (and does drive).

Since DS was born (6 months ago) she’s visited once for 2 hours. That’s it. I’m not sure if it’s because I was the one making an effort and she’s just not bothered, or if she’s pissed about my smoking rules (I asked her to bring a spare coat she can smoke in and then take off when here). Either way, I still try and contact her and ask her round but she always cancels at the last minute and never rearranges. It’s really sad.

I don’t mean to derail your thread and I obviously think YANBU, but lifelong smokers can be a funny bunch sometimes. I hope they will still visit you!

OhCarrieMathison Sun 11-Feb-18 08:59:06

I have this with my DM too.
My DF has had to stop as he is slowly dying due to his chronic smoking.
My DM still smokes in the house.
NOTHING will make my DM stop smoking.
It's really depressing.

Pengggwn Sun 11-Feb-18 09:13:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

specialsubject Sun 11-Feb-18 09:53:32

Not only an evil smell but a possible health risk. And a baby cant say ' you stink' and walk away. Not fair.

If your parents want to see more than a few years of their grandchild they should get addiction help.

seven201 Sun 11-Feb-18 10:07:29

My PIL stopped smoking inside when I was pregnant. They do stand just outside the door though so it wafts in. They're House always smells of smoke. We're not that close so only visit for a few hours every few months. I wouldn't leave her there overnight and I wouldn't take her at all if they still chain smoked inside! Stick to your guns. My in-laws (including two sil) are all very good when they visit us and wash their hands and change tops - none of which I have asked them to do.

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