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Is dd too young for this??

(191 Posts)
malificent7 Sun 11-Feb-18 03:35:47

Dd 9 ( year 5) has a boyfriend. Ge sounds lovely . He gave her a crisp, gave up his chair for her in assembly and grld open a door. This is all very cute.

Trouble is they text on instagram. Whilst i remember having crushes in y5 there was no such thing as instagram or texting.

Im just worried that she is too young to be forming such strong bonds and I dont want her to get hurt. All texts are read by me and very innocent.
I wish she was a bit more into her books and less into boys!

malificent7 Sun 11-Feb-18 03:36:12

He sounds lovely even!

malificent7 Sun 11-Feb-18 03:36:53

Held open a door even!

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 Sun 11-Feb-18 03:47:25

They’re 9 years old; it’s very unlikely she’s going to make a strong romantic bond at such a young age.

You say you don’t want her to get hurt, but you can’t protect her from the world forever, nor should you try to. If you try to, you’ll only hold back her development and she won’t thank you for it.

You are massively overreacting here.

malificent7 Sun 11-Feb-18 03:55:57

I guess i feel the texting thing may lead to a deeper attachment than normal....
She does moan that he texts too much but then agonises over what the texts mean just like i used to

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 Sun 11-Feb-18 03:59:30

Texting isn’t new; it’s been around nearly thirty years now and the last generation haven’t grown up with issues from texting a peer when they were a kid.

Even if it does make them grow closer, so what? Everything I said in my last post still stands.

upthewolves Sun 11-Feb-18 04:11:47

Has texting been around 30 years?? I'm 33 and definitely grew up without it. I remember the horror of ringing a boy's landline to speak to him and worrying parents would answer!

NaughtToThreeSadOnions Sun 11-Feb-18 04:13:46

How does texting lead to deeper emotional attachment? I genuinely don't see how it would.

It's just passing notes to each other. Albeit electronically. And passing love notes has been going on for generations.

But it really isn't going to mean that you form deeper attachments, in fact most people would say it's more superficial, less emotional, less interpersonal. Your staring at a phone rather than actually talking.

At 9 it's just puppy love, the same as puppy love was 30 years ago, she's just discovering boys are ok again after them being yuck and smelly for the last 5 years.

I agree with whattodoabout no no mother wants their kid to get hurt, but you can't protect them forever. The way the world works is you let them make their own mistakes, put their heart on the line, and when it goes wrong you pick them up, put life back together.

It's a perfectly normal part of development and you can't hold them back forever.

ZebraOwl Sun 11-Feb-18 04:16:04

Leaving aside any other issue, they shouldn't - according to the NSPCC amongst others - be on IG in Y5: the minimum age to open an account is 13. Even if everyone else & their dog has had their own social media accounts since they were a foetus (or whatever).

There's some useful info from Net Aware about the safety (or otherwise of IG; there's a good article here about why age restrictions on social media matter; and there are plenty of others online referencing the fact that under-13's lack the executive function to cope with what engaging in social media involves plus of course the fact they are [potentially] being exposed to all sorts of unsuitable material.

If you decide that you're going to, despite all this, keep letting your DD breach the IG TOS, please check out Connect Safely.

malificent7 Sun 11-Feb-18 04:43:50

Thank you for good advice...social media had changed everything.

It is very cute this puppy love stuff.

malificent7 Sun 11-Feb-18 04:44:30

All dds friends in her class are on instagram :-(

FenellaMaxwellsPony Sun 11-Feb-18 04:55:18

9 year olds are on instagram?! I trust the account is secure and you are policing it? 9 year olds do don’t need IG! If they are all on it, I would be reporting it to the school and asking for the class to be taught internet safety as a priority.

user1487194234 Sun 11-Feb-18 05:13:14

I would not allow a 9 year old child of mine on IG or other social media
The age restrictions are there for a reason

SpareASquare Sun 11-Feb-18 05:22:20

All dds friends in her class are on instagram :-(

So?
No way would I allow a 9 year old to have instagram or any other SM. The fact that you allow it, because after all, everyone is doing it confused, is more concerning than anything else I think

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 11-Feb-18 05:34:29

My dd is in 9 and in yr5. She doesn’t know what Instagram is. Your dd is too young to be on it under the rules of the site. Don’t you think there is a reason for that? Are you a mother or a sheep?

MissDuke Sun 11-Feb-18 05:58:28

I am another one pretty shocked at the IG - my 9 year old DS has never even asked for it, neither has older dd.

I would be more worried about the IG use than the BF.

princesssparkle1 Sun 11-Feb-18 06:15:23

If you're worried limit WiFi time. Or block WiFi during homework time.

MincemeatTart Sun 11-Feb-18 06:23:51

Too young for ‘a boyfriend’ no harm friends who are boys but too young by far for attaching ‘cute’ or romantic labels to them. Instagram at that age is a worry.

westcoastnortherneragain Sun 11-Feb-18 06:26:04

No 9 year old should be on Instagram, parent your child take the Instagram away.

19lottie82 Sun 11-Feb-18 06:26:16

Not too young for a BF, but far too young for Instagram IMO. Why on earth do you let your DD have social media accounts @9? I find that more concerning than her having a BF tbh

Glitteryballoons Sun 11-Feb-18 06:27:04

My dd is year 5 and no way she's going on instagram...like pp said she doesn't know what it is and no way we are following the crowd
My dd doesn't have a phone yet either
Let them stay young for as long as possible being a grown up is forever

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 11-Feb-18 06:29:31

Or better still do not let her go online on her mobile devices when she is not in the same room of you. Ban her from sending messages and images without your permission.

Two of my dds friends talk to eachother through WhatsApp and when they were 8 it led to one of them being nasty to the other. My dd isn’t interested in online communication yet thank goodness.

Instagram is a photo and video sharing platform. My dd isn’t even allowed to send pictures without my approval over text. Aren’t you concerned with what your dd is doing?

NotAChristmasCakePop Sun 11-Feb-18 06:35:23

I'd certainly not be overly happy. My DD is 11 now and we're thinking of a phone in the summer.

Yes her friends have phones already and they've watched lots of movies she hasn't and they probably have social media, but she won't be getting any social media until 13. Just another avenue for them to get hurt/bullied or say the wrong thing and get into trouble.

IWouldLikeToKnow Sun 11-Feb-18 06:37:12

She probably is too young for a "boyfriend " but at least she is talking to you about it and showing you the messages. You could ban her from Instagram but in reality she'll continue in secret. That's way worse. Continue to speak to her about him, the messages and internet safety.

And 30 yrs of text messages? Really? I got my first mobile phone 20 yrs ago. My boyfriend of the time had one a couple of years before that for work. Texting I seem to recall only came in shortly after that time. And in any case, mobile phone use only became common around this time.

Bowerbird5 Sun 11-Feb-18 06:42:42

Internet safety is part of the curriculum in Yr 3 I know because I taught it. Some of the Year three had Facebook accounts😳 just because they are supposed to be 13 doesn't mean their parents follow this.

Lots of Yr 5 have little friendships they usually don't last long. Don't read too much into it.

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