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..to think living in the countryside is more anti-social than living in a town?

(52 Posts)
wellbessiewatson Sat 10-Feb-18 14:35:46

moved to rural farming location 12 years ago and finding the lack of friendly people a real challenge, I have tried to make friends and have 2 good pals but is it just me or are towns much more sociable and friendly?

HelenTheHunter Sat 10-Feb-18 14:37:03

Surely it's just that there is a larger concentration of people so you're more likely to bump into some you get on with?

PancakeInMaBelly Sat 10-Feb-18 14:38:29

I think it depends. In areas where people have their school friends and family near by, outsiders stay outsiders. There are towns like this too though where people are "born and bread" although the least friendly place Ive ever lived was a commuter town where everyone was "new" but it was also horribly snobby and cliquey.

wellbessiewatson Sat 10-Feb-18 14:40:36

good points, I wonder if I will always be an 'outsider' being a southerner and not having my family in the area.

Muffinbutton Sat 10-Feb-18 14:42:24

We moved to a very small village in a farming area a couple of years ago. We've found most people to be friendly. Everyone stops for a chat and seem to have more time rather than the rush of where we lived before.
The pub in the next village has been a great place to meet people.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel Sat 10-Feb-18 14:42:50

My experience is it takes longer in rural areas but once you're accepted the community feels very strong.

PancakeInMaBelly Sat 10-Feb-18 14:43:36

If everyone has family and childhood friends then youll never really be able to build a support system because you wont be their support system in return IYKWIM

DullAndOld Sat 10-Feb-18 14:44:43

You will always be an outsider, even if you stay for 30 years.

I found living in the country horrendous. Someone takes a dislike to you, they will stop at nothing to destroy your life or make you homeless.

btw it will be the other incomers that are the worst.

If you don't know what's going on in your life, don't worry! somebody else will!

Cities are way more civilised.

cardibach Sat 10-Feb-18 14:48:00

Dull I found living in the country horrendous. Someone takes a dislike to you, they will stop at nothing to destroy your life or make you homeless
Eh? What on Earth? All country dwellers want to take your house?
OP there are sociable and unsociable people in both town and country, probably in about the same proportions. There are just more people in towns, so you have more sociable ones to choose from.

DullAndOld Sat 10-Feb-18 14:49:25

" All country dwellers want to take your house? "

well hardly..but you will find levels of spite and unpleasantness taken to extremes, trust me.

wellbessiewatson Sat 10-Feb-18 14:51:49

I think the support system point is a good one, pancake, if people in the village have their own established systems in place they perhaps don't need input from anyone else.

Slanetylor Sat 10-Feb-18 14:53:04

I lived in a city for 20 years and my only interaction with neighbours was asking a neighbour to plug out his amplifier at 5 am as my me and my 3 week old baby couldn't sleep through his party. That was it in 20 years.
I made friends through work only.

wellbessiewatson Sat 10-Feb-18 14:57:02

slanetylor that's really sad, I had enough friends living at home in a town and at uni, it just seems now no-one is interested. I do have 2 lovely friends, maybe I should count my chickens it just seems a bit odd confused after so long here.

PancakeInMaBelly Sat 10-Feb-18 14:58:11

I find people in the country "chattier"
But they chat ABOUT you as much as they chat TO you and any percieved mistakes are never forgotten

Also, in town, if people make an effort to chat to you its usually because they like you. In the country, people being "friendly" to you does not mean that they dont hate your guts!!

DullAndOld Sat 10-Feb-18 15:00:08

don't forget that a lot of people will have moved to the country from London because they are vile racists..smile they are not going to become lovely friendly people after their move.

Never forget talking on someone's doorstep and then she dropped her voice and whispered at me..'they're Jews next door you know'.
Sorry but I would have started laughing if it wasn't so sad.

Justwaitingforaline Sat 10-Feb-18 15:02:20

Totally agree, OP.

I live in the countryside and we don’t even have pavements or a local shop to walk to.

It’s very isolating and anti social.

wellbessiewatson Sat 10-Feb-18 15:05:04

do you mind if I ask how you cope with it Justwaiting ?

Blaablaablaa Sat 10-Feb-18 15:10:01

My experience is the complete opposite to most people here. I moved to a small village 3 years ago and I've never had as many friends or as busy a social life. People who live here are a real mix of locals and incomers .
It probably helps that there are numerous drinking establishments and lots of organised social events!

user1485342611 Sat 10-Feb-18 15:10:08

I suppose it depends where you live. There are parts of cities that still have a friendly, village type vibe. But there are also loads of soulless housing estates where everyone is out at work all day, or just on their way up the property ladder, and there is no community spirit and little or nothing in the way of facilities and communal meeting places.

Likewise I imagine there are lovely, lively rural villages with a good community spirit and pro-active residents who keep that community spirit alive. But I'm sure there's also ones that are dead and dreary with very little going on.

DullAndOld Sat 10-Feb-18 15:16:23

once I was hitchhiking down the post office and this guy picks me up and spends the whole journey ranting about,

'farking P***s and N****z', that is why I had to move out of Landan luv, want a lift back?'

" er no you're all right thanks"..

Blackteadrinker77 Sat 10-Feb-18 15:16:51

I don't think so.

I've been here 14 years now but I find them all friendly. Have you got involved with anything? Our local cricket club and football club is where we met everyone.

speakout Sat 10-Feb-18 15:17:17

I have found the opposite.

I have lived in the city and in remote parts. In rural areas there is often a great community.

Jaxhog Sat 10-Feb-18 15:18:14

Most people are friendly if you are. The more people you meet, the more likely you are to find someone who you like/likes you. There are more people in cities. Simple math really.

ThursdayLastWeek Sat 10-Feb-18 15:21:13

Not my experience.

And you say you have actually made friends...so that’s a good thing isn’t it?

wellbessiewatson Sat 10-Feb-18 15:23:50

yes I'm involved in parish council and village hall, it's just not a welcoming atmosphere. E.g, an enthusiastic newcomer recently offered to help with parking at a village hall party, after directing the cars he was ignored and treated like a member of paid staff by the rest of the commitee, not surprisingly he hasn't been back.

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