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Blame culture

(11 Posts)
Kangar00 Sat 10-Feb-18 13:31:45

Is this normal:
Husband carries daughter upstairs and stumbles over a stool on the landing. Just a stumble and daughter fine. He swears (F**ing hell) and then says it's my fault for not warning him the stool was there.

I work Fridays and he says daughter put the stool there yesterday and it was there this earlier this morning and he didn't fall over it.

Surely it isn't reasonable to expect me to be on guard watching out for any error he might make and then blaming me.

My daughter heard us arguing and then said it was her fault (she is 3 )
And although in some ways it is, it doesn't actually matter! I hate having to assign blaming people and the defensiveness when it doesn't matter and don't want my daughter to grow up thinking it's normal to look for a person to blame when you make a mistake however small.

charlestonchaplin Sat 10-Feb-18 14:33:34

I agree with you. Does he do this often or is it a one-off? I think some people have a tendency to do this. I know someone who immediately starts conducting a post-mortem when a problem occurs to determine how you could have avoided it rather helping to deal with the problem.

Speak to him when he's calmed down and try to get to see your point of view.

ChelleDawg2020 Sat 10-Feb-18 14:35:56

It's probably a good idea not to leave trip hazards on the landing.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sat 10-Feb-18 14:36:11

Your dh is absolutely to blame. He knew there was a hazard on the stairs and did nothing about it

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sat 10-Feb-18 14:38:44

Oh hang on - are you saying you knew the stool was there too?

Flutterbyeee Sat 10-Feb-18 14:39:25

I really wish my problems were as small as yours.

charlestonchaplin Sat 10-Feb-18 15:08:41

If the husband makes a habit of this I don't see it as a small problem. Blaming the OP and a three year old! It must be very trying.

TheButterflyOfTheStorms Sat 10-Feb-18 15:12:42

Watch this...

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZWf2_2L2v8]

Really helped DH as he has a tendency to be a blamer. Now all I have to say is, "Damn you Steve".

tillytrotter1 Sat 10-Feb-18 15:13:09

I got the blame when he hit a pothole that we both knew about because I didn't warn him in time. Must be a man thing.

Kangar00 Sat 10-Feb-18 16:35:39

Yes, we all knew the stool was there. When I was out yesterday he and DD moved it there. I didn't ask why?!

The thing is it is a frequent occurrence. This morning we had driven off and after a minute I thought to ask where the bag with library books might be. He was getting it ready while I put DD and her bits in the car. He said it was my fault and I should have remembered because he had to do everything (!). He was de icing the car.

No one needed to be blamed at all. I wasn't cross it had been forgotten just relieved I had noticed in time but was aggrieved at being blamed. He is so defensive it is exhausting. I find myself wondering whether to say things or not. He also rarely apologies and when he does it's a 'I'm sorry but....' which completely devalues it.

barefoofdoctor Sat 10-Feb-18 17:00:38

Swearing in front of a e year old and making her frightened/blame herself? If this is regular behaviour best get saving for your DDs future therapy OP. You may well have a little self harmer/eating disorder in the making (I speak from my own experience).

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