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About parents' money

(432 Posts)
junpinline Sat 10-Feb-18 11:47:37

My parents are quite wealthy; they have a large house with no mortgage, fancy holidays a few times a year, spend loads on clothes and meals and cars and socialising. My dad works but Mother doesn't.

Recently they came into a large sum of money and are busy spending it on new furniture, redecorating, cars etc.

I have two sisters and we are all in our twenties. Our parents have never given any of us any money. I bought a house two years ago and saved for years, my parents contributed by buying me a kettle.

I'm currently trying to sell the house and I'm going to be few thousand short for a deposit on new house. I'm struggling hard to save this and my parents know. In the meantime they've just bought another new car and are going abroad next week. They always expect expensive gifts at Christmas etc.

AIBU to be starting to resent them for this?

Hardwickwhite Sat 10-Feb-18 11:49:16

Have you asked them for help?

NotAnotherEmma Sat 10-Feb-18 11:49:29

Did you actually try asking them for help? It sounds like you just expect them to offer it if you whine enough, which is a pretty immature way to look at things.

Winteriscoming18 Sat 10-Feb-18 11:50:13

Your an adult they don’t need to give you money. You can ask them for a loan but you cannot expect money given to you because they are financially better off than you.

PurpleDaisies Sat 10-Feb-18 11:50:14

Sorry, but you are unreasonable. It’s their money.

Have you actually asked them for a loan for the deposit?

Queuejumper Sat 10-Feb-18 11:50:23

I don't know if I would resent them per se, but would think them thoughtless. Every family is different, but in both mine and my husband's money always gets passed around in this sort of circumstance. And if we are in the position to help in the future we will.

If you asked would they help?

lostmyfeckingkeysagain Sat 10-Feb-18 11:50:53

I think if you asked them for help and they said no, then some resentment would be understandable, although many on MN will say YABU for wanting any financial help whatsoever. It doesn't sound like you've asked though.

mojito55 Sat 10-Feb-18 11:51:08

Of course they are under no obligation to give handouts to their DCs, but I would definitely feel resentful in your situation. Most DPs would surely want to help out if they could. Are yours particularly determined that you all "make your own way" or is it more selfishness do you think?

Heratnumber7 Sat 10-Feb-18 11:51:18

Ask them for a loan.

I expect they made their own way in the world and expect their children to do the same.

BakedBeans47 Sat 10-Feb-18 11:51:37

YABU as they can do what they like with their own money but I’d cut back on the expensive gifts at Christmas.

They may well end up being the richest people in the cemetery but it’s up to them.

cloudyweewee Sat 10-Feb-18 11:52:06

The christmas present part is easy : don't buy them an expensive present!

WitchesHatRim Sat 10-Feb-18 11:52:44

YABU if you have never asked.

WTFIsThisVirus Sat 10-Feb-18 11:53:29

Why can't you just ask instead of moaning about it. The worse that can happen is they say no.

I don't think they are thoughtless, maybe they just want to "make it" on your own.

I also think YABU. Sorry.

Pengggwn Sat 10-Feb-18 11:54:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Babyroobs Sat 10-Feb-18 11:54:53

YANBU - whilst it is their money to do as they wish with , it is selfish not to help your children. My mum and dad have helped us out a lot over the years wheras my in laws didn't despite having a lot more money. Are you sure they know that you need money? I would do anything to help my kids if they were struggling rather than them worrying about money.

Limer Sat 10-Feb-18 11:55:04

You need to ask them for a loan. Your parents can't read your mind.

formerbabe Sat 10-Feb-18 11:55:37

You'll get loads of comments op saying you are being unreasonable and that you shouldn't expect help. I disagree. I'd always want to help my DC even when they are adults, especially if I was financially comfortable and in a position to do so. Families should help each other.

DextroDependant Sat 10-Feb-18 11:56:17

I think you need to ask but end of the day it's their money.

junpinline Sat 10-Feb-18 11:57:02

Yes I've asked them but they think I have loads of money 'squirrelled away' as I was always good at saving.

Iluvthe80s Sat 10-Feb-18 11:58:51

I would not expect my parents to give me money, but I would approach them about the possibility of a loan.

Busybusybust Sat 10-Feb-18 11:58:52

I find it astonishing that parents don’t help their children out when they have the means to do so. I would give my. Hildren a deposit in a heartbeat,if I was able to..

whattheactualbleep Sat 10-Feb-18 11:58:53

I wouldn't ask.
You will appreciate it all the more when you eventually save enough on your own without their help op.

My parents loaned me some money to buy a decent car 18 months ago.
I pay every month on the dot what was agreed and on more than one occasion at certain times like Xmas and birthdays it's been tight and my dad has told me to skip that month but I never have and never would.
Hoping to start paying more off per month in the next few months aswel.

My parents also are very comfortable but they got that way thru sheer hard work and I'm not afraid to do the same.
Gives me a big sense of achievement when I've succeeded.

Forget about what they have op. You will get there

Limer Sat 10-Feb-18 11:58:58

Yes I've asked them but they think I have loads of money 'squirrelled away' as I was always good at saving.

Then explain to them that their assumptions are wrong. Explain what your actual financial position is, and what your future plans are.

Heratnumber7 Sat 10-Feb-18 11:59:05

Well tell them you haven't hmm

Meadwaymumof4 Sat 10-Feb-18 12:02:38

My mum has loads of money. If I ask for a loan ( when like you I was selling and my house sold a few thousand short) she said she had no money but in the end reluctantly loaned me the 3k.
When my dad died my mum showed me a big sweet jar full of £2 coins he had been saving for my baby’s cot. She then spent it all.
That still hurts over a decade later.
She said I will be loaded once she dies.
She phonesme up asking about money problems ( ie too much money, where to invest)
I was wondering it I could spend her fortune getting myself a mother figure with her cash?

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