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My daughter's dog. (Fast becoming mine ) do not want the responsibility

(209 Posts)
Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 00:39:16

Hi all
Know it's late but am in real need of advice.
My DD brought her puppy four years ago in July of this year.
I was against it as we live in a flat.
Within two days she had "separation issues" so her boyfriend's parents took him on. They have a house with a garden.
Coco would then stay with us one night in the week and then at weekends.
That was fine . Then my daughters boyfriend's parents sold up and moved away so coco and her boyfriend came to live with us. Love him to death.
All still fine, daughters boyfriend was brilliant walking him before work, after work, clearing up after him etc.
Daughter and her boyfriend (of 8years) broke up and he moved out 😞
So , here is my dilemma. Daughter has never really been responsible for her dog. Bearing in mind he lived with her boyfriend and his parents for the first 3 years.
Coco is now at ours full time. My daughter has met a new boyfriend and is barely here, so I am left looking after her dog. I live in a flat, I have poop bags on my balcony 😡
I am the one that feeds him, polishes the furniture after he jumps all over it. Has to let him in and out all blinking night. He is hard work. He is a cocker spaniel so he needs lots of exercise and he is not getting it.
I get so frustrated with him and it's not fair because he is such a lovely dog.
But ( I will get condemned for this) he is not my dog or my responsibility.
Just to add I have RA so get very tired after work

Flatprob Sat 10-Feb-18 01:08:40

Sounds like you're doing your best to care for Coco, which is more than some people would do. But agree you need to be tough on your daughter. It's not enough that she loves the dog. That love comes with responsibilities. I couldn't live with myself knowing my dog's needs weren't being met.

AlpacaLypse Sat 10-Feb-18 01:10:24

How can your 24 year old dd be a little princess (in the nice sense of the phrase not the bitchy little baggage version) when she's leaving her pup to be cared for by everyone else but herself? YYY I picked up on the working six days a week bit. So do I. That's why I don't currently have a dog of my own.

Weezol Sat 10-Feb-18 01:11:47

If your daughter loved the dog she would look after him. Another one saying re-home via a specialist as Avocado suggests.

Out of interest, who has been picking up the cost for food and veterinary care?

Storminateapot Sat 10-Feb-18 01:13:02

Your daughter does not love the dog. Love is putting the interests of another being first and she is not doing that. She likes having a doggy she can swan in occasionally and make a fuss of, like an automated teddy bear, but she doesn't give a damn about the dog or she'd be spending time with it rather than the new boyfriend.

I'm horrified at the idea that you'd allow a creature to be cooped up & miserable just so your 'princess' isn't upset or inconvenienced. I'm sorry OP but surely you can step back & see how cruel that is.

Rehome the poor dog and let it live a full and happy life with people who can give it the time and attention it needs.

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 01:15:41

Katie does love coco, she just has no time for him.
Katie does a cleaning job in the morning from 6-8 and then funny enough is a dog groomer from 8-30 till 5-30 .
Then has met a new bf as I said.
I need to let her know that I cannot look after coco the way he needs to be looked after.
That is going to be hard because she suffers from anxiety.

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 01:17:37

Katie pays for his insurance, food, treats, dog walker in the day. He does not cost me anything , other than
New cushions
New shoes
Cleaning of the balcony
😡

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 01:20:22

She loves him I promise you that.
That is why this is so hard to tell her that coco needs a new home
😪😪😪😪😪 because I cannot cope

TheMaddHugger Sat 10-Feb-18 01:25:32

The ex BF needs to take Coco. Doesn't matter what your DD thinks.
(((((Hugs)))))) for you OP. btdt RA here too

Storminateapot Sat 10-Feb-18 01:29:03

If she loves the dog as much as you say she will put her own desires aside and realise that she is not able to meet the dog's needs. I would have thought it would be more stressful and anxiety-inducing to have a pet and know you are neglecting it. Far more restful to know you did the right and loving thing by allowing it to be cared for properly somewhere else.

I'm sorry, I have no sympathy at all for your 24 year old princess if she insists on keeping an animal she has no intention of or time for caring for herself in surroundings that are inappropriate and unfair to the poor creature. She finds the time for her boyfriend (& presumably social life) no problem presumably?

ohfortuna Sat 10-Feb-18 01:30:30

Your daughter does not love the dog. Love is putting the interests of another being first and she is not doing that. She likes having a doggy she can swan in occasionally and make a fuss of, like an automated teddy bear, but she doesn't give a damn about the dog or she'd be spending time with it rather than the new boyfriend
this^
she is treating the dog like a toy not a sentient being

Storminateapot Sat 10-Feb-18 01:31:36

Sorry, I sound harsh. It's not fair to you either OP. xx

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 01:32:38

Jesus trying to sleep is a nightmare ( because I have finally put my thoughts out there).
Will speak to Katie tommorow,
Thank you all so much for verifying what has been on my mind for months
Xxx

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 01:35:01

storminateapot

You were being harsh but fair

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 01:37:39

ohfortuna

DD does love him , but I totally understand what u are saying

[Edited by MNHQ to remove RL names]

differentnameforthis Sat 10-Feb-18 01:39:14

Sod talking to her about it, sounds like you already have.

Rehome him.

differentnameforthis Sat 10-Feb-18 01:42:26

My daughter loves her do, she truly does, but she has no time for him

read that again, op. You MAKE time for things/people/animals you love.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages Sat 10-Feb-18 01:45:46

I'm sure she says she loves Coco, but actions speak louder than words and sometimes love just isn't enough

bluetongue Sat 10-Feb-18 01:47:45

This dog needs rehoming and he should get a new family relatively easily. It’s not like he’s a geriatric staffy.

My parents help me with my dog but it’s only a couple of days a week. I’d never expect them to take him on themselves.

differentnameforthis Sat 10-Feb-18 01:47:47

He does not cost me anything , other than your health, being able to live as you like (not being able to use balcony etc)

You said your daughter is a "princess" perhaps stop enabling her?

At the least tell her she has to put him in doggy day care while she is at work, so your home isn't wrecked.
Has she offered to replace the stuff he has damaged?
Who is going to take the poo bags to the bin?

If she loves the dog as much as you say she will put her own desires aside and realise that she is not able to meet the dog's needs.

And if she loved YOU that much, she would see that this is making you ill and would do something about that at least, surely? She knows that you are struggling, but still does exactly what she likes.

halfwitpicker Sat 10-Feb-18 01:49:49

Sounds she doesn't give a fuck about the dog basically.

Poor coco.

halfwitpicker Sat 10-Feb-18 01:50:25

And if she loved YOU that much, she would see that this is making you ill and would do something about that at least, surely? She knows that you are struggling, but still does exactly what she likes.

^

This too. Princess indeed.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Sat 10-Feb-18 01:50:48

I love cats.
I'd adore to have another cat after our old girl died aged 18, but I know that my lifestyle would mean that Puss would spend too long in cattery, so it wouldn't be fair.
So no cat for me

CrispyWanton Sat 10-Feb-18 02:34:37

Is it just me, or is this thread a bit bonkers? confused

givemesteel Sat 10-Feb-18 07:14:24

To be fair, I don't think you should have allowed your DD to get a dog whilst living under your roof, but you can't turn back time.

If you'd be prepared to keep the dog she your DD paid for a dog walker then try that (but she needs to organise and pay the dog walker directly otherwise you'll end up doing it).

If not tell her the dog will be rehomed. Tell the ex boyfriend first as his parents may it or know someone that would look after it until he's back from Australia (if he wanted the dog long term).

Hope your DD never gets another pet, she sounds very immature.

troodiedoo Sat 10-Feb-18 07:25:26

Actions speak louder than words. Saying she loves the dog means nothing. Nowt.

You're not selling your dd to us. She sounds like a brat.

Please rehome Coco.

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