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My daughter's dog. (Fast becoming mine ) do not want the responsibility

(209 Posts)
Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 00:39:16

Hi all
Know it's late but am in real need of advice.
My DD brought her puppy four years ago in July of this year.
I was against it as we live in a flat.
Within two days she had "separation issues" so her boyfriend's parents took him on. They have a house with a garden.
Coco would then stay with us one night in the week and then at weekends.
That was fine . Then my daughters boyfriend's parents sold up and moved away so coco and her boyfriend came to live with us. Love him to death.
All still fine, daughters boyfriend was brilliant walking him before work, after work, clearing up after him etc.
Daughter and her boyfriend (of 8years) broke up and he moved out 😞
So , here is my dilemma. Daughter has never really been responsible for her dog. Bearing in mind he lived with her boyfriend and his parents for the first 3 years.
Coco is now at ours full time. My daughter has met a new boyfriend and is barely here, so I am left looking after her dog. I live in a flat, I have poop bags on my balcony 😡
I am the one that feeds him, polishes the furniture after he jumps all over it. Has to let him in and out all blinking night. He is hard work. He is a cocker spaniel so he needs lots of exercise and he is not getting it.
I get so frustrated with him and it's not fair because he is such a lovely dog.
But ( I will get condemned for this) he is not my dog or my responsibility.
Just to add I have RA so get very tired after work

Shmithecat Sat 10-Feb-18 00:42:19

Tell your dd she needs to buck up or you will be rehoming the dog. Springers need work/stimulation/outside space. A flat is not suitable but you know that. Your dd is a cheeky selfish mare and you need to tell her.

altiara Sat 10-Feb-18 00:43:52

Exactly what shmithecat said

butterfly56 Sat 10-Feb-18 00:46:21

In your situation OP you need to look at rehoming him.
Your daughter has not done anything to take care of the dog at all.

Your health issues prevent you from being able to exercise him properly
and the situation you have been left in is not fair you or the dog.

Rehoming is the best solution all round and will be a lot less stressful to both you and the dog. smile

AvocadosBeforeMortgages Sat 10-Feb-18 00:46:57

I'm in a reasonably similar situation, but do actually want the dog and have just formally adopted him. I can, however, completely understand why others would balk at the idea of taking on a dog that's not theirs!

Where has the ex-boyfriend gone - could he adopt the dog on a permanent basis? If he's been involved for 8 years I'd be shocked if he wasn't missing the dog.

Otherwise, you WNBU to rehome BUT you need to do it responsibly - not via Gumtree, Pets4Homes or other small adverts. I would start with the breed rescues that specialise in Cockers e.g. www.thekennelclub.org.uk/services/public/findarescue/Default.aspx?breed=2052 Failing that, try local foster based rescues that avoid using kennels. If there's still no luck, try one of the larger rescue organisations, but do be careful with their policies - Dogs Trust never put a healthy dog down, but that can't be said for all of them.

Butterymuffin Sat 10-Feb-18 00:47:24

Agree. Tell her the dog needs to move to her new boyfriend's place or to be rehomed. At the very least she ought to offer to pay for a dog walker and to agree to be around to do more cleaning, feeding etc herself.

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 00:47:52

I am so glad you said that because I totally agree, problem is my DD is a little princess (she is 24) hard worker etc and I love her to bits, really trying to find the right words. Had so many discussions the last few months about how I was feeling being responsible for him. Actually ended up crying last Sunday cos was not well and yet again she had left him with me. Just getting over phuemonia so am still not well.
Keep trying to tell her he cannot be trapped in this flat

Butterymuffin Sat 10-Feb-18 00:48:10

Yes Dogs Trust are good. Give them a ring for advice.

Butterymuffin Sat 10-Feb-18 00:49:05

Can you get someone else to be around when you talk to her? Friend who can be less soft?

Flatprob Sat 10-Feb-18 00:49:11

Poor dog being passed around like that. My dog would be heartbroken. Do you think she would take good care of him?

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 00:49:56

Just to add the ex boyfriend is a little darling he comes on a Saturday and takes him out for a hour. But coco IS NOT HIS DOG...

Ruffian Sat 10-Feb-18 00:50:56

Sounds like she never really wanted a dog, just liked the idea of a puppy, a very common mistake! Much better to rehome - cocker spaniels make lovely pets, he's still young so there will be plenty of lovely owners waiting.

You've done very well to look after him in such difficult circumstances flowers

Hendrytastic Sat 10-Feb-18 00:52:20

You need to speak to your daughter about giving the dog away to an organisation that would find him the home he needs. I can tell you love the dog, but he needs more exercise than you can give him, you know that already. And I have specifically suggested somewhere that will rehome him on your behalf instead of you doing it yourselves because you would end up doing it, not your daughter, and I don't think you need the emotional turmoil. I would not judge you at all for saying the dog is not your responsibility, you're right, he's not. If you wanted a dog, you'd have got one for yourself, but you knew your living and working arrangements would not accommodate one. To get a dog in such circumstances would be cruel and irresponsible, but nevertheless you have found yourself in this situation due to your daughters actions. There are only two options; she looks after her own dog, or it gets rehomed. It won't be easy though, sending you kind thoughts for a difficult time.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages Sat 10-Feb-18 00:52:57

Just to add the ex boyfriend is a little darling he comes on a Saturday and takes him out for a hour. But coco IS NOT HIS DOG...

He does sound brilliant. It's not his dog, true, but as it sounds like Coco needs to be rehomed to someone who has the time and energy to take care of him. It would be least stressful for Coco to go to someone who he already knows, and the most obvious person would be the ex-bf, if his housing / employment situation makes it practical.

DixieNormas Sat 10-Feb-18 00:52:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ruffian Sat 10-Feb-18 00:53:31

Has anyone actually asked the ex if he'd like to take Coco? Perhaps he would like to but doesn't feel he can ask?

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 00:53:39

My daughter loves her do, she truly does, but she has no time for him, she works hard and has met a new boyfriend and is at his 6 days a week.
I am not knocking that she does not love him, I am saying he has fast become my dog . We live in a flat and it is so not fair on him.
Taking him to a shelter is not a option it would break her heart ❤️ But I can't get her to understand she needs to do more

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 00:54:20

'dog'

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 00:55:23

No he can't he is going travelling for a year to Austrailia

WeAllHaveWings Sat 10-Feb-18 00:56:29

Ask the ex-bf if he wants the dog. If not rehome. Your dd doesnt get a say in it. Poor dog needs a home that will meets his needs.

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 01:01:07

I love Coco to bits I really do. I can't even walk him for her because I have arthritis in my hands.
A while ago I thought I would try, he literally ran down the steps and I fell down the last three because he is so strong.
She does pay someone to walk him for half a hour a day around lunchtime, then will walk him for another half hour when she gets home at teatime.
In the meantime, when I get I home from work I can't relax cos he has either chewed something up, he is knocking at the balcony door to go to the toilet ( which I hate, now I can't even sit out there)

AvocadosBeforeMortgages Sat 10-Feb-18 01:02:11

That's a shame about the ex-bf going to Australia.

Sadly it sounds like Coco will need to be rehomed elsewhere. I'm afraid daughter doesn't get a say in it because she's not around your house 7 days a week taking him out for lengthy muddy walks.

Do forewarn the ex-bf; I'm sure he'll want some time to say goodbye.

NoIdeaWhatToSay Sat 10-Feb-18 01:02:59

You need to stop considering your DD in this, she does not love the dog she is neglecting the dog. He's not a toy that she can come home to play with when it suits.

Contact The Dog's Trust and find a suitable home for him. Your DD is a selfish little madam and you are allowing her selfish wants to come before the needs of the dog.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but you can't believe that she actually loves and cares for the dog when she spends 6 days out of 7 away from him through choice. Loving someone/something means putting your own feelings aside.

PonderLand Sat 10-Feb-18 01:05:37

Your situation sounds similar to my brother and parents. He got a designer puppy in a city centre apartment rental.he went on holiday when the pup was about 6m old, my parents had him for the week and 3 years later... he never bloody took him back! He said he isn't allowed dogs, doesn't fit in with his life etc..

You need to give your daughter an ultimatum and don't offer any other alternatives. DD takes dog to a rescue or she takes dog with her. Do not feel guilty about it, it truly isn't your fault this has happened. Are you paying for the food, vet bills too?

My parents are so bitter about it but my mum loves the dog now, they're close to retirement and want to enjoy their lives, but they've been pushed into having a dog (which is one of the most difficult breeds to train to boot) for at least another 10 years. It is such selfish behaviour and you need to put the responsibility onto her and her alone!

UgandanKnuckles Sat 10-Feb-18 01:06:45

Your daughter either actually takes responsibility for her dog or he needs to be rehomed for his own sake.

Flatprob Sat 10-Feb-18 01:08:40

Sounds like you're doing your best to care for Coco, which is more than some people would do. But agree you need to be tough on your daughter. It's not enough that she loves the dog. That love comes with responsibilities. I couldn't live with myself knowing my dog's needs weren't being met.

AlpacaLypse Sat 10-Feb-18 01:10:24

How can your 24 year old dd be a little princess (in the nice sense of the phrase not the bitchy little baggage version) when she's leaving her pup to be cared for by everyone else but herself? YYY I picked up on the working six days a week bit. So do I. That's why I don't currently have a dog of my own.

Weezol Sat 10-Feb-18 01:11:47

If your daughter loved the dog she would look after him. Another one saying re-home via a specialist as Avocado suggests.

Out of interest, who has been picking up the cost for food and veterinary care?

Storminateapot Sat 10-Feb-18 01:13:02

Your daughter does not love the dog. Love is putting the interests of another being first and she is not doing that. She likes having a doggy she can swan in occasionally and make a fuss of, like an automated teddy bear, but she doesn't give a damn about the dog or she'd be spending time with it rather than the new boyfriend.

I'm horrified at the idea that you'd allow a creature to be cooped up & miserable just so your 'princess' isn't upset or inconvenienced. I'm sorry OP but surely you can step back & see how cruel that is.

Rehome the poor dog and let it live a full and happy life with people who can give it the time and attention it needs.

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 01:15:41

Katie does love coco, she just has no time for him.
Katie does a cleaning job in the morning from 6-8 and then funny enough is a dog groomer from 8-30 till 5-30 .
Then has met a new bf as I said.
I need to let her know that I cannot look after coco the way he needs to be looked after.
That is going to be hard because she suffers from anxiety.

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 01:17:37

Katie pays for his insurance, food, treats, dog walker in the day. He does not cost me anything , other than
New cushions
New shoes
Cleaning of the balcony
😡

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 01:20:22

She loves him I promise you that.
That is why this is so hard to tell her that coco needs a new home
😪😪😪😪😪 because I cannot cope

TheMaddHugger Sat 10-Feb-18 01:25:32

The ex BF needs to take Coco. Doesn't matter what your DD thinks.
(((((Hugs)))))) for you OP. btdt RA here too

Storminateapot Sat 10-Feb-18 01:29:03

If she loves the dog as much as you say she will put her own desires aside and realise that she is not able to meet the dog's needs. I would have thought it would be more stressful and anxiety-inducing to have a pet and know you are neglecting it. Far more restful to know you did the right and loving thing by allowing it to be cared for properly somewhere else.

I'm sorry, I have no sympathy at all for your 24 year old princess if she insists on keeping an animal she has no intention of or time for caring for herself in surroundings that are inappropriate and unfair to the poor creature. She finds the time for her boyfriend (& presumably social life) no problem presumably?

ohfortuna Sat 10-Feb-18 01:30:30

Your daughter does not love the dog. Love is putting the interests of another being first and she is not doing that. She likes having a doggy she can swan in occasionally and make a fuss of, like an automated teddy bear, but she doesn't give a damn about the dog or she'd be spending time with it rather than the new boyfriend
this^
she is treating the dog like a toy not a sentient being

Storminateapot Sat 10-Feb-18 01:31:36

Sorry, I sound harsh. It's not fair to you either OP. xx

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 01:32:38

Jesus trying to sleep is a nightmare ( because I have finally put my thoughts out there).
Will speak to Katie tommorow,
Thank you all so much for verifying what has been on my mind for months
Xxx

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 01:35:01

storminateapot

You were being harsh but fair

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 01:37:39

ohfortuna

DD does love him , but I totally understand what u are saying

[Edited by MNHQ to remove RL names]

differentnameforthis Sat 10-Feb-18 01:39:14

Sod talking to her about it, sounds like you already have.

Rehome him.

differentnameforthis Sat 10-Feb-18 01:42:26

My daughter loves her do, she truly does, but she has no time for him

read that again, op. You MAKE time for things/people/animals you love.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages Sat 10-Feb-18 01:45:46

I'm sure she says she loves Coco, but actions speak louder than words and sometimes love just isn't enough

bluetongue Sat 10-Feb-18 01:47:45

This dog needs rehoming and he should get a new family relatively easily. It’s not like he’s a geriatric staffy.

My parents help me with my dog but it’s only a couple of days a week. I’d never expect them to take him on themselves.

differentnameforthis Sat 10-Feb-18 01:47:47

He does not cost me anything , other than your health, being able to live as you like (not being able to use balcony etc)

You said your daughter is a "princess" perhaps stop enabling her?

At the least tell her she has to put him in doggy day care while she is at work, so your home isn't wrecked.
Has she offered to replace the stuff he has damaged?
Who is going to take the poo bags to the bin?

If she loves the dog as much as you say she will put her own desires aside and realise that she is not able to meet the dog's needs.

And if she loved YOU that much, she would see that this is making you ill and would do something about that at least, surely? She knows that you are struggling, but still does exactly what she likes.

halfwitpicker Sat 10-Feb-18 01:49:49

Sounds she doesn't give a fuck about the dog basically.

Poor coco.

halfwitpicker Sat 10-Feb-18 01:50:25

And if she loved YOU that much, she would see that this is making you ill and would do something about that at least, surely? She knows that you are struggling, but still does exactly what she likes.

^

This too. Princess indeed.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Sat 10-Feb-18 01:50:48

I love cats.
I'd adore to have another cat after our old girl died aged 18, but I know that my lifestyle would mean that Puss would spend too long in cattery, so it wouldn't be fair.
So no cat for me

CrispyWanton Sat 10-Feb-18 02:34:37

Is it just me, or is this thread a bit bonkers? confused

givemesteel Sat 10-Feb-18 07:14:24

To be fair, I don't think you should have allowed your DD to get a dog whilst living under your roof, but you can't turn back time.

If you'd be prepared to keep the dog she your DD paid for a dog walker then try that (but she needs to organise and pay the dog walker directly otherwise you'll end up doing it).

If not tell her the dog will be rehomed. Tell the ex boyfriend first as his parents may it or know someone that would look after it until he's back from Australia (if he wanted the dog long term).

Hope your DD never gets another pet, she sounds very immature.

troodiedoo Sat 10-Feb-18 07:25:26

Actions speak louder than words. Saying she loves the dog means nothing. Nowt.

You're not selling your dd to us. She sounds like a brat.

Please rehome Coco.

PerryPerryThePlatypus Sat 10-Feb-18 07:27:38

OP you may want to report the thread to remove the names as this makes you very identifiable.

malovitt Sat 10-Feb-18 07:40:18

Why dont you register with Borrowmydoggie in the short term? At least the dog will be getting some exercise.

There are far more people wanting to walk dogs than owners in my area.

FissionChips Sat 10-Feb-18 07:41:41

That dog is going to end up snapping at people, the chewing is a sign of frustration. 30mins twice per day is not adequate exercise.

Please rehome him before he develops serious behaviour issues, he deserves a happy life .

KnittedBobbleHat Sat 10-Feb-18 07:49:55

Your daughter is a bit of a brat isn't she? The dog is suffering and it doesn't sound like she loves either you or the dog very much...she doesn't care for either of you

beboldbebluntbehonest Sat 10-Feb-18 07:54:34

Don't bother asking your dd and just rehome him with a proper rescue centre.
She doesn't have responsibility for him you do so she doesn't get a choice.
Absolutely disgusting to have a cocker spaniel in a flat!! They need so much walking and extra activities as they are a working breed.
Never let her get another pet whilst she is under your roof! I would also discourage her getting another pet even when she isn't tbh as she's completely irresponsible!!

fenneltea Sat 10-Feb-18 07:58:31

Please rehome the dog OP, it is totally unfair to keep an active breed like that cooped up in a flat, your daughter is being totally selfish keeping him like that, especially when she isn't spending time with him. It is your home, and you need to be the one to make the decision, your daughter relinquished her right to keep him when she stopped caring for him.

TheDailyMailLovesTheEUReally Sat 10-Feb-18 07:59:55

Is it just me that reads "She is a Princess" and translates it to "She's a spoiled madam who kicks up a stink if things don't go her way"?

Your daughter does not love the dog. She has fuck-all to do with the dog because she abrogates that responsibility onto someone else and has done since day one. First her Ex's parents, then her Ex and now you. You're worried about "breaking her heart" but have a wee think about the fact that she doesn't appear to give a shit about the effect it's having on you.

Rehome the dog - because it's the fairest thing to do for the poor bloody animal. Cockers are working dogs and need stimulation and exercise. I have two dogs of my own BTW so I know exactly what's involved in caring for them properly.

londonrach Sat 10-Feb-18 08:01:40

This thread is getting silly. Op wake up your selfish daughter isnt going to help. Rehome the dog but let ex bf know first as he has a claim on coco. Your health more important. Your selfish adult daughter needs to grow up and look after her mum here! Ra is no joke!

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail Sat 10-Feb-18 08:04:39

Sorry but your DD is selfish, spoiled and immature angry, tell her you cannot look after the dog and SHE needs to find a solution.

TheDailyMailLovesTheEUReally Sat 10-Feb-18 08:04:48

People like your daughter make me very bloody cross because they are the last people who should ever have a dog. They get sucked in by a cute looking puppy - let me guess, multiple posts all over social media when she first got him so that she could show off?

Then the nano-second it dawned on her that actually puppies are hard work and dogs are a real tie, she dumped it on someone else. I bet that any mention of re-homing the dog brings on tears and tantrums and an attack of 'poor me'. She won't give a crap about missing the dog - this will be all about what it will look like to her friends. No consideration of how cruel it is to put an active breed in a small and unsuitable property where it's chewing and destroying because it's going out of it's mind with boredom.

Mrsmadevans Sat 10-Feb-18 08:06:01

What a spoilt horrible Daughter , her behaviour is very cruel. Stop letting her get away with it OP .Rehome the dog asap , stand up for yourself and stop allowing this cruelty.

BiteyShark Sat 10-Feb-18 08:06:30

Oh it's very easy to love a dog if you just come in and pat him on the head. As you know being responsible for a dog involves so much more than organising a dog walker. You never asked for the dog and cannot care for it with your health. There are no others that can step in so yes rehoming would be the best as it sounds like the dog is bored and under exercised and mentally stimulated.

Who is registered as the legal owner in terms of chip details etc. If it's your daughter you need to get her to rehome him otherwise just do it yourself. After all this time she isn't going to suddenly turn round and be the responsible owner so if she starts to emotionally blackmail you to continue to care for the dog you need to be strong.

KingLooieCatz Sat 10-Feb-18 08:07:33

I wonder how the little princess came to be so selfish and entitled?

It's a mystery for sure.

ChasedByBees Sat 10-Feb-18 08:08:15

She doesn’t have to stay with her new partner for 6 days a week. She could choose to care for her dog. She chooses not to.

It may break her heart to regime the dog but then she will learn that if you love something, you take care of it. Right now, she is hurting the dog by not providing it a space to run and play or caring for it.

You need to be firm here. She looks after it - full time - or it is rehomed.

MyBoysAndI Sat 10-Feb-18 08:11:30

Princess hmm how pathetic. If that's how you treat her then no wonder you have been lumbered.

You have a choice - tell your "princess" to sort the dog out completely or it has to be rehomed.

Or

Carry on doing everything and being your "princesses" minion

Forgeteverythingandremember Sat 10-Feb-18 08:12:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isetan Sat 10-Feb-18 08:14:34

I’m guessing your ‘little princess’ wasn’t born into royalty but rather, raised thinking that people I.e you, would pick up her slack.

I sympathise with your health issues but the selfish and entitled attitude that you’ve enabled in your DD, less so. Being responsible for your DD’s dog is a consequence of enabling her not to take responsibility of her dog. Has it ever occurred to you that your behaviour and that of her Ex are exactly the reasons why she isn’t taking responsibility for the dog?

NoFucksImAQueen Sat 10-Feb-18 08:21:18

So from your updates the dog does actually go out twice a day is that right? Once with the walked and again with her after work? Can you ask her to take him with her when she goes to her boyfriends in the evening so he can have fuss and attention?

Mupflup Sat 10-Feb-18 08:21:57

OP I'm sorry to echo the others but your daughter does not love the dog in the way a dog needs to be loved. Loving a dog means more than making a fuss over him and giving him a cuddle every now and again.

Love for a dog is getting up at 5am because they need a wee, then taking them for a long walk in the pissing down rain in the dark before you go to work. Making sure they get enough proper exercise as they're miserable and frustrated without it. It's playing endless games of 'throw the duckie' when you'd rather be reading a book. It's trudging round the garden picking up shit. Cleaning muddy pawprints off the floor for the millionth time after you've just mopped it. It's about making (often huge) sacrifices to your social life, holidays etc so that they can be with you and know that they are safe and loved, which is all they want and what they deserve seeing as you chose to bring them into your family. It's about finding someone to do ALL of those things for you when you can't for some reason - and OP as sad as it is it doesn't sound like you can be that person, through absolutely no fault of your own.

Your daughter is doing NONE of that. Please rehome the dog so someone can love him properly, the way a dog deserves to be loved.

BMW6 Sat 10-Feb-18 08:31:42

OP do the right thing for the dog - rehome.
Its all very well for her to wail "but I lurve him", he needs proper walks and to live with a family who can look after him properly.
Frankly I wouldn't trust her to do right so I think you will have to take charge of this and tell her it is happening. She got the puppy originally but in truth it has never been her dog.
It would be her dog if every day she walked it for at least an hour, picked up all its shit, sat with it and played with it.

Its not her dog. Its an accessory to her. I expect she loves her handbags too.

Dancinggoat Sat 10-Feb-18 08:35:00

Your D loves him but not enough to care for him.
If she's staying at her BF the dog should go there with her.
She is also happy to see you struggle.
I think you need to lay down the rules and stop pandering to her.

Kardashianlove Sat 10-Feb-18 08:35:04

Your DD really doesn’t love this dog OP. She may SAY she does but all her actions say otherwise.

Layla8 Sat 10-Feb-18 08:38:26

Sorry, but your DD needs to grow up. The poor dog needs much more exercise and stimulation than you can provide. Stop babying your DD and tell her straight, the dog needs to be with someone who will treat him properly. The dog is the important one here, not your selfish daughter.

monkeywithacowface Sat 10-Feb-18 08:39:08

She doesn't love him she loves the idea of him. Sorry but wake up and see that your daughter is a selfish, lazy, uncaring little madam.

floriad Sat 10-Feb-18 08:39:32

I think you need to have an honest and frank discussion with your DD.

She the could ask the ex - boyfriend or you could look into rehoming the dog.

YOu sound very responsible and it's imo obvious that you love the dog. But he's not your dog or responsibility, so your sentiments are more than understandable imo.

bunbunny Sat 10-Feb-18 08:40:28

Would the ex bf want coco if he wasn't travelling?

If so could his parents or another friend have him for a year and then the ex have him on his return?

Or does he know anyone that would want coco permanently?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross Sat 10-Feb-18 08:41:23

She is not a princess. She is a selfish, self-centred woman who has got very used to others doing everything for her and the poor dog deserves better.

LakieLady Sat 10-Feb-18 08:43:50

Rehome the dog through cocker spaniel rescue. That way he will go to a home that know and understand the breed and are prepared to put in all the hard work that a high energy breed needs.

Spaniels are bred to work all day in the field. To think of a cocker cooped up all day in a flat breaks my heart.

Creatureofthenight Sat 10-Feb-18 08:44:39

Yes I agree with others, let the ex-bf know that you’re going to rehome the dog and see what he says. If he’s not able to take him then tell your daughter you are starting the rehoming process if she doesn’t step up immediately. If she really loves him she will start being responsible and look after him rather than lose him. She is being unfair to you and the dog at the moment.

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 10-Feb-18 08:45:34

Katie loves coco in the same way as my 9 yo loves our dog. It’s not the love of an adult, who wants to love, protect and nurture their animal. Your daughter is an adult. At that age many people have children.

I had a pet dog I rescued from someone, who sounds like Katie. I was 20/21. The guy was a friend of my then boyfriend and went to his home country. The dog was in kennels for 6 weeks when he’d only had him 3 weeks. It broke my heart but I could do nothing as I was going abroad for a placement and couldn’t take him with me. My ex went and got him out of kennels and looked after him until I came and took him permanently.

I tried putting the dog in kennels once when I went away for a few days years later. He refused to eat the entire time I was away (4 days). I didn’t know this until I collected him. He decided it was better to die than to be abandoned again. He was mine and I was his. He was my first dog and even at 21 I never would have treated him the way Katie is treating coco.

GoatPavlova Sat 10-Feb-18 08:50:55

She may have been a little princess but she’s now a 24 year old adult. As you’ve discovered puppies do not remain cute bundles of fur; they grow into dogs that need care and attention. A cocker is not ideally suited to a flat with minimal exercise.
I would start the rehoming process and if she doesn’t like it she can step in and take responsibility.

supersop60 Sat 10-Feb-18 08:51:20

I agree with PP.
Love is something you do, not just something you feel.
Your DD is also not being loving to you, expecting you to do this with your health challenges.
There are loads of people out there who really want a dog.

MrsBobDylan Sat 10-Feb-18 08:52:19

Agree with pp that your dd is no princess. This makes me so angry...she bought a puppy, managed for 2 nights and gave him away because he had separation anxiety. She's either selfish or really stupid that at 20 years old she couldn't read up about what a puppy needs.

I feel really sorry for you op, but you need to stop considering your daughter's feelings in all this since she really isn't thinking about anyone but herself.

Re-home the dog, he deserves someone who wants to be his owner 24/7.

UrsulaPandress Sat 10-Feb-18 08:54:04

Or try Spaniel Aid UK.

MrsBobDylan Sat 10-Feb-18 08:55:33

Oh and brace yourself if your dd has children...if she cannot stick two nights of a puppy with separation anxiety, she's going to collapse under the weight of her own selfishness with a crying baby...

anothernetter Sat 10-Feb-18 09:00:16

Ask your daughter to come up with the solution. She is an adult and needs to take responsibility for her animal. You have only just recovered from pneumonia and you were having to care for her dog - does she actually ever think about you?? She sounds very self centred. It sounds like the dog would be better off with the ex boyfriend although you say he is going away to Australia for a year. Is there any way he could adopt the dog and his parents look after it in his absence? I know that would mean that they are doing the same as you have been for your daughter (I.e looking after their child's dog)?- but it would only be until he returns from Aus and it sounds like they live in a house with a garden which would be more suitable for the dogs needs. It sounds like the ex BF is fond of the dog - he must care for it if he is spending an hour with it every weekend.

AnnaMagnani Sat 10-Feb-18 09:04:42

Please rehome the dog.

If your daughter really loved the dog, really loved him, she would put his needs first - make time for him, actually not get an active dog that isn't suited to living in a flat in the first place, be walking him for hours every day, pay his vet's bills etc etc.

What she loves is the idea of the dog and that he looks cute.

Coco deserves to live with a truly loving owner who understands his needs and will put him first.

shockthemonkey Sat 10-Feb-18 09:07:23

Your daughter has zero rights in this situation and you should not give her "feelings" a minute's thought.

Could the dog-walking be significantly upped so that the poor thing gets out for two hours daily, with other dogs and lots of running and chasing?

Obviously your daughter must pay for this from her own hard-earned money.

If not, then re-homing for sure, and not a peep from your selfish daughter.

Regularsizedrudy Sat 10-Feb-18 09:10:23

I feel for you but you are letting your daughter walk all over you. It does no good for anyone. She is being selfish and irresponsible. We all work hard it doesn’t excuse that kind of behaviour.

barefoofdoctor Sat 10-Feb-18 09:12:28

YANBU to regime it.

floriad Sat 10-Feb-18 09:15:09

Would the ex bf want coco if he wasn't travelling?

If so could his parents or another friend have him for a year and then the ex have him on his return?
That's a good suggestion imo.

If the dog lived at his parents'... Do they miss the dog? Would they like to have him back?

diddl Sat 10-Feb-18 09:16:27

She might love the dog-but she doesn't care enough to not neglect it!

Would/could the exes parents have the dog?

AvocadosBeforeMortgages Sat 10-Feb-18 09:18:47

@MummyOfLittleDragon You sound like you were in my current situation.

I'm mid-20s, working full time, business trips, renting... it doesn't sound like the recipe for successful dog ownership. But I've taken on a dog that I already know very well from a friend who's emigrating (was already looking after him most days, now it's formalised). One of his previous owners abandoned him after 6/8 weeks. I make sacrifices - I don't go to after work drinks (or anything else after work), my money is spent on training classes, good quality food and toys, my weekends are spent walking him. I have spent many long, cold, dark, rainy and frankly boring evenings throwing balls for him in the park (walking in the daytime is fun, after dark fetch isn't!)

When I go away for work he's goes to my DFather (who adores him) but that's something where it's for a set period of time, all sundries provided, and if he is unavailable he goes to a professional dog sitter and I spend the £££.

The key difference between you & I and the OP's daughter is a willingness to make sacrifices and put the dog's needs first.

ChristianGreysAnatomy Sat 10-Feb-18 09:19:49

I'd consider rehoming the DD.

Pengggwn Sat 10-Feb-18 09:21:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dragongirl10 Sat 10-Feb-18 09:23:30

Sorry OP but you are treating your adult daughter like a child so she is behaving like one.

We bought my Ds a Cocker Spaniel puppy for his 10th birthday last August, he asked for a dog for 2 years,

he gets up on his own at 6am takes pup out in the garden, wipes his paws, feeds him, plays and watches him until DD and l arrive downstairs at 7am.

Ds has breakfast, then takes pup for 20 minute local walk before school, then l take over,

evenings Ds is responsible for feeding, letting him in and out, and does 20 mins training each evening without being told.

Today, it is raining and 3 degrees and DS and DH have gone to the woods for an hour and a half run with puppy, without any moans from DS.

Stop making excuses for your DD she is an adult, who is being unkind to you and her dog, for which she is fully responsible.

Cocker spaniels need 2 hours off lead every day, and lots of stimulation, l feel angry at your DD for selfishly getting a puppy without proper consideration of its needs.

MsHarry Sat 10-Feb-18 09:23:48

There are people out there that will give this dog a happy home with lots of exercise. it's the right thing to do. Your DD can have a dog when her situation is right.

CotswoldStrife Sat 10-Feb-18 09:23:57

Is this for real? A dog groomer who can't take her dog to work with her?

MsHarry Sat 10-Feb-18 09:25:51

It's not real love because she is actually arising harm to her dog. if she loved him she wouldn't.

MsHarry Sat 10-Feb-18 09:26:01

causing not arising.

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