To have snapped at dh over housework(9 Posts)
We both work full time. Him so more than me. Today is his day off. I get up at 6am. I go to get dd up for school but she's not well and decide to keep her off.
I use the time I would get her ready to do housework. I put a wash on. Folded massive pile of laundry and left on dining room table to be put away later. I did a general tidy up.
I come home and the clean washing is still sitting there and the house is messy. Everything I did was basically undone.
I snapped tonight cause I'm going to bed and the house is a mess again which means I need to do it all again tomorrow. I asked him why he never thought to put the laundry away and why it's left to me yet again.
He said he was on the phone all day sorting out something a miss with his pay.
He went to the shops to buy dinner and then asked for a hand with dinner. The dishes are still there. I just wish for one day I got a day off. On a Sunday I do all the chores and grocery shopping and he does fuck all.
I just feel like sometimes it's like the 1950s. During the week I cook and clean plus dishes after work cause he works till 7am. At the weekends it's still me up at 8am hoovering and doing dishes. I've just had enough.
I understand how you feel. I tell my DH to do stuff, ok it would be better if he noticed and made an effort without being told but telling works for us.
I’m very direct and I tell him exactly what I want him to do. Evidently he gets the message because he does it.
Today was frustrating cause I made all the effort this morning even though I was tired. I thought he wouldn't have much to do and i could come home to a tidy house to relax in. But it's just got messier as the evening has went on.
Now he's stormed downstairs cleaning dishes cause I've had a go.
It's annoying cause certain jobs like putting clothes away and hoovering he will leave to me but nothing is ever said. Plus he does half jobs like does dishes but leaves crumbs all over work surfaces. He never sweeps floor. He empties the bins but doesn't put a bin liner in to replace.
This is my suggestion for a very short term plan to get you through the next 18 hours.
Stop. Just stop doing it all. Go to bed, get in the bath, just go somewhere that the mess is not in your eyeline.
If he is at home tomorrow, get up and leave him with dd. Tell him you'll be back at whatever time, go out for the morning, get out of the house and just breathe. You will go crazy if you don't. Grant yourself a day off. When did you last do that? If it's not being offered, sometimes you just have to take it. Go for coffee, go to the library, go to the cinema.
If he is at work, spend time with dd but do not do the housework.
Stop believing he works full time more so than you. It does not take 8 hours to call about his pay. You both have full time jobs. The house is a family home so the family need to work as a team to keep it going. That means he does his share. Not that he 'helps out' but that he shoulders his responsibilities as an adult.
Other, wiser people than me will be along with better, more helpful advice for the long term, but for now, just stop.
nothing is ever said
There's your problem, you both have different expectations but neither of you let the other know what you expect.
Sit down, face to face, no phones, (after you've sent him The Mental Load and the 'She left me because i left a glass on the draining board or whatever it's called).
Speak to each other, reach an agreement. Both of you try to make it work.
If you both work full time (similar hours), you should be divvying up the chores equally. If he's significantly not pulling his weight, maybe it's time to have a proper conversation about it all?
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