AIBU to be annoyed at seeing my possessions on Facebook(89 Posts)
First post so here goes.
I split with my ex over a year ago. It wasn't a good split.
Just to give a bit of background it might be relevant to why I can't get my things back. He was having an affair with someone from work. I was sick at the time in and out of hospital and not working. He told me I had to leave the house because he was paying for it and if I stayed there he would stop paying the mortgage. I had just recently lost my dad and my job and was in a horrible place and couldn't take the constant nastiness so moved in with my mum.
After about a month of me leaving he moved the woman and her kids into the house we shared. I didn't want to go round there because I found it too upsetting. I asked him to pass my things on to a family member but this didn't happen and he said he didn't have time ! But would sort them out for me. Unfortunatly I have been really sick again and sent emails to him (not nastily but formally) listing my items and asking for them back.
These are not expensive items but they are personal to me. There are a few photos of family members who have passed, a few craft bits and bobs and an item of furniture given to me by a family member.
The thing is today on Facebook a sponsored add pops up for a business ! It happens to be his new gf who has set up some kind of beauty salon and on one of the pictures is my item of furniture ! I know it's mine because it's quite unique.
So i don't know what to think ! Has he given her my things ? She must know that it's mine so why does she want it.
How can I get them back ? Do I just have to give up ? X
If you told him you are going to the police to collect the goods as you are scared - would it prompt him to give them you ? Or tell him if he refused to give your family them you would get the police involved
How long ago did you leave the house?
Please stop prevaricating tom night at 6pm go to house with a friend or two and a vehicle. Say please can I collect my things. Take stuff home.
You have all the messages as proof he's messing with you. I'd send the relatives round armed with the list. Hopefully he'll hand them over.
If not I would send him one last message telling him he has 24 hours to return the items or you will be contacting the police with his messages. Even if they are likely to side with him, it's unlikely he will want his dirty laundry hung out for his colleagues to see, especially given that he is so concerned about "the slander". I'd then carry it out as it would be his choice - that is the course of action he would have knowingly chosen .
If you don't actually ever get the things back then all gloves would be off and I'd be anonymously be informing the tax office. Why should you be the nice one when he has actually been cruel in depriving you of your personal irreplaceable items
not to mention the affairs etc
If he works for the police he should know that he cannot keep your possessions. He has got himself into this mess so personally I would go with police. His mess, let him sort it out. You tried to do it nicely but he's just being a dick, so serves him right. And as for slander... does he have any idea how much those cases cost to bring to court?? !!
I have to say you are very and considerate to the OW. Most others would want to hang her up by her entrails from her shed roof. Very classy OP. She's the OW but he's the cheater!
Good luck! I really hope you get your stuff back soon x
I don't want to involve the police and get anyone in any trouble at work. I don't want to get her in any trouble with her business hopefully it all goes well for her. I would honestly just like my things back. I would like to get them back amicably and with as little fuss as possible.
I really do appreciate what everyone has said though and putting my mind at rest that he can't actually take me to court for slandering him x
Thanks guys. Best case senario he just tells me when I can collect the things and I send a couple of my family members to get them. It's chickening out but he managed to make me feel really shit again yesterday by playing games and saying he had thrown them away and he hadn't. He has left it by saying he will sort my things out this week. My family members have said they are more than happy to collect the things for me and I know he won't say anything to them because he's only brace enough to be mean to me.
I haven't told anyone anything that isn't true. He broke up with me saying that because I was depressed after the death of my father that he couldn't cope. I thought fair enough it's hard to cope with it's not his problem. But then it came out he had been seeing this girl from work and she moved in very quickly after he asked me to leave. He was also having affairs with other women at work that I didn't find out about until afterwards. Everything I have told people when they asked why we split up has been the truth so like you say it's not slander
OP You wrote; "He went on to say that I had caused him and his girlfriend a lot of problems with his family by divulging this information. Later on in the day he admitted that he does still have my things but that he won't be giving them back because of the trouble (again the telling the truth to family) that I have caused him”.
I’m also in the U.S. In the U.S. slander is not slander if what you said was true and he can’t punish you for telling the truth by stealing your stuff. He doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
If it helps then just ask a family member to go around. It depends how much stuff there is and how complicated it will be to get it back. He may be a dick but he hasn't actually done anything illegal here. If you contact the police, it will just piss him off more.
Anxiety is a monster
But.... don't let him away with this go to the house not on your own ask nicely for your belongings try and put your phone on record
And I bet she's not all legal regarding her little business
God I would have a field day with them
Maybe would be worth a visit to citizens advice
Just a thought
Good luck you poor thing 🙉
If he works for the police I'd be contacting my local precinct and speaking to a Watch Commander or Sgt in Charge to politely explain and ask if it's considered a police matter when someone keeps property that they acknowledge does not belong to them when the owner has requested its return. I probably wouldn't mention he worked for the police until I got through to the Commander. And I'd leave the gf out of it (for now).
Contact your local police station and ask them for help? The fact he and others work for the police shouldn’t put you off. In fact I’d be using that as the leverage to get the items back.
In fact if anything has been achieved today it's that I have learnt that I need to get more help with the anxiety x
Yeah I can see that it seems like I am not actively doing anything about it by not going round and demanding them. But yes this is my anxiety more than anything and it's really hard to overcome.
I was just hoping that I could be a coward and send someone else at an agreed time but that's not going to work.
Go round with a friend/relative and get your dressing table back. If she is running a beauty salon from a shed in the garden, then if you're feeling a bit spiteful, dob her in to the planning enforcement team at your local planning authority.
I understand your reluctance because of your anxiety and the fact he's being a dick. But go round there tomorrow with a friend/family member and demand your belongings back. If he refuses say that you are not leaving until you have them and if he won't give you them then you will phone the police there and then. Be prepared to do this. I think he will be massively reluctant to have his and his familys colleagues calling to his home for a personal dispute. Surely this would be more humiliating to him than just giving you your stuff back?!
Just go round there. If he’s still got your things then I am sure he won’t mind giving you them back. Who wants other people’s crap hanging round? If he doesn’t then at least you can just put it behind you and move on knowing you did what you could.
At the minute you just seem to be waffing around in no mans land expecting them to just turn up.
Look, on Sunday morning go round with a family member and pick them up. Then be done with it. Dragging it out and getting into arguments isn’t helping anyone.
Then he should know the rules!
Even more reason to get the police
Don't know if I mentioned earlier but getting the police involved might be tricky because he works for them as does his girlfriend mum and two other members of the family
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