AIBU to be annoyed at seeing my possessions on Facebook(89 Posts)
First post so here goes.
I split with my ex over a year ago. It wasn't a good split.
Just to give a bit of background it might be relevant to why I can't get my things back. He was having an affair with someone from work. I was sick at the time in and out of hospital and not working. He told me I had to leave the house because he was paying for it and if I stayed there he would stop paying the mortgage. I had just recently lost my dad and my job and was in a horrible place and couldn't take the constant nastiness so moved in with my mum.
After about a month of me leaving he moved the woman and her kids into the house we shared. I didn't want to go round there because I found it too upsetting. I asked him to pass my things on to a family member but this didn't happen and he said he didn't have time ! But would sort them out for me. Unfortunatly I have been really sick again and sent emails to him (not nastily but formally) listing my items and asking for them back.
These are not expensive items but they are personal to me. There are a few photos of family members who have passed, a few craft bits and bobs and an item of furniture given to me by a family member.
The thing is today on Facebook a sponsored add pops up for a business ! It happens to be his new gf who has set up some kind of beauty salon and on one of the pictures is my item of furniture ! I know it's mine because it's quite unique.
So i don't know what to think ! Has he given her my things ? She must know that it's mine so why does she want it.
How can I get them back ? Do I just have to give up ? X
Then I guess you will have to put up with looking at your stuff on Facebook. But the truth is that there is nothing stopping you getting your stuff except yourself.
Post a note through the door saying you'll collect xyz at such and such a time and date so could he leave them outside.
Well Cindy , YANBU at feeling upset at seeing your possession up for sale on FB but you do sound like a bit of a pushover, to be frank.
He's clearly not going to do anything at all to return your stuff unless you start playing hardball. Over to you.
But if you're not prepared to take it further, then YABU because what's the point of posting?
I probably am a pushover not really sure why just think I'm a bit beaten after everything that's happened.
I think the advice further up about the letter is probably the best way forward.
I just posted I suppose because I wanted to hear if anyone else had been in the same situation and if they managed to resolve it in an amicable way.
How did he get you off the mortgage? What about your equity?
Don't send a letter. Go and get your stuff. Take a family member with you.
Do you have anxiety? Because I agonise over stuff like this too, but sometimes you've just got to take a deep breath and do it even though you'd rather not.
Good luck to you! But you just have to go.
If you're going to passively wait until he gives you access to a house you've surrendered to get stuff after a year, you're stuffed. You need to be actively pursuing it. Demand it back. And demand you get access to collect. Involve the police if need be.
Selling abandoned stuff is a different matter to selling appropriated stuff.
Through a solicitor. We had only lived in the house 2 years so the equity was very little but he did give me half of it which he sent as a cheque to my solicitor. For that reason I didn't take any of the household items that I had purchased. He gave me his word at the time that my personal items would be returned or available to pick up he just wanted me out of the house quickly and because of my mental state at the time and the fact it was affecting my physical health I left with as much as I could fit in my car (mainly clothes)
At first he would reply to texts and say I could call round on a certain day but then would cancel at the last minute. I contacted a member of his family who was happy to act as a go between because he didn't want me at the house but when she spoke to him about collecting the things he blocked her on Facebook and hasn't spoken to her since
Yes I have very bad anxiety. I used to have agoraphobia but have luckily gotten past that now. I have cptsd mainly due to emergency surgery I had to have. So all this doesn't help but also like has been mentioned I am also to blame for not having my things back
Have you spoken to a solicitor about not only your possession, but about the way you were forced out of the house? If you were married to him you may have an interest in the house even if your name wasn't on it, but only a solicitor can tell you for sure. If you weren't married you're probably out of luck unless your name was on the house.
I'm sorry you've had such a shitty couple of years.
Sorry I have no idea how to post your name in a comment Grocklebocs.
Yes I do have to take the blame for not physically going round to the house myself. He told me not to come round as she felt uncomfortable and that he would drop the things off for me. I accepted that for a couple of months and then started to send messages on whatsapp to ask for them back and like I said his family member was willing to help. He blocked me on whatsapp so then I emailed him and he doesn't reply to the emails. So maybe the letter is the next logical step.
Just want to clarify they haven't tried to sell my furniture (it's a dressing table) she is just using it in her salon and posting pictures of her salon on Facebook x
We weren't married thank god !
My name has been removed from the mortgage he did that very quickly.
The past couple of years have been very tough and probably the reason I have lost my fight.
I haven't spoken to a solicitor. in financial terms they are not worth anything they are just things I miss. Like was mentioned earlier it's possible my photos have been thrown away anyway.
Only send the letter if you're willing to follow up on the threat of taking it further (legal action).
He'll ignore the letter, as he has ignored all your other emails, so you have to be prepared to take action.
This boils my blood. She felt uncomfortable!? You turning up for YOUR things, to YOUR house that she moved into because she had an affair with YOUR partner!? He is a cheeky sod to put it nicely, he wanted an easy life to walk over people how he pleased and not have to deal with the consequences.
Write him a letter of ultimatum and follow through with it if he ignores it. It is not his properly, these types of cases can be heard in a small claims court. Do you have evidence of him acknowledging the belongings are yours?
My name has been removed from the mortgage he did that very quickly.
I'm ignorant of UK law, but how did he do this without your signature? In the US it requires consent. If he forged your signature, you were too ill to think clearly, or signed under duress there may be something that can be done. I understand that there are times that we have to let go because the toll wouldn't be worth it, but as far as the house, don't you think it would be worth seeing a solicitor?
And again, I'm in the US, but here I believe you can't be on a mortgage unless you are also on the deeds.
Uh, not his property that should say.
Small claims BTW if you would accept money in lieu. Alternatively, a solicitor.
Thanks as far as the legal aspect is concerned I'm not really sure where I stand, I have googled obviously and quite a few people say it is a civil matter so I expect that would mean a solicitor ? I don't have a specific solicitor apart from the one I used when I had to sign the house over so it's probably worth me giving them a ring.
I don't think it is something the police will get involved with however I have my doubts about involving them anyway.
Meowstro I was pretty annoyed by this at first and it was an incredibly hard time for me. As I mentioned my health was really bad at the time so I had to try and get past any of the anger I had for her. I have been able to do that and honestly wish her all the best. I would just like her to not use my things and for them to be given back. It's possible that he has lied to her maybe even not told her that these things are mine so she could be totally unaware. I think messaging her would cause tension between them as I had to message her once before when she had called my gp's and told them I no longer lived at the address. I only found out when I couldn't get my repeat medication
No no he didn't forge my signature at all but he had the papers drawn up very quickly if that makes sense ? He wanted me gone as fast as possible. I honestly tried to fight in the beginning and told him I wanted to sell the house because I didn't want her to live in the place I had renovated and put my heart and soul into.
My physical health got really bad (I have Crohn's) the stress meant I had to go in to hospital and I just couldn't keep fighting him so I signed the house over which was the best thing to do all round
I don't want anything from the house. He gave me half of the small equity that we had in it. I also didn't need any of the household items etc that I had purchased as I moved in with my mum. All I really wanted were these few personal items
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.