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To think I am not discriminating because of religion

(17 Posts)
WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe Fri 09-Feb-18 17:34:15

Long term friend (ish), more in a group with mutual friends. Friend became a Jehovah's Witness, we were all a bit concerned but she had been a witness as a child. Anyway, she changed a bit which is understandable but then one day went on a total homophobic rant, telling me it's Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve, that she would disown her kids if they were gay, that gay people will never be resurrected and will stay dead and gone forever... It was disgusting and I simply told her I did not want to be friends with someone so homophobic so let's leave things there. It is very relevant that she knows my brother is gay and only came out a few years ago and that I had discussed this and how I had tried to support him. Others in our friendship group say I am in the wrong here because her views are a result of her religion and therefore not her fault... I completely disagree, there is no place in my life for people who hold views like this. End of. I amnot unreasonable am I? And this is not religious discrimination,it's homophobic twat discrimination... So why are my friendship circle making me feel bad for this??? They say I am breaking up the group.

Morphene Fri 09-Feb-18 17:39:09

You are not discriminating against her religion but against her vocalised homophobic statements. She could perfectly well hold these views but not air them in front of you and there would have been no problem.

If she is going to continue to say these things out loud then YADNBU to ditch her.

KurriKurri Fri 09-Feb-18 17:42:17

her views are a result of her religion and therefore not her fault.

Her views are her choice and therefore entirely her fault, and all religions are optional. In my opinion people tend to choose and stick with religions that back up their prejudices.

She sounds unpleasant and your other friends are deluded if they cannot see that she is being discriminatory against gay people.
Obvioulsy you are in the right here - but it's up to you whether you want to hang out with these people or not. Personally I'd be looking for nicer friends. You aren't breaking up the group, the JW is with her bigotry.

Pengggwn Fri 09-Feb-18 17:44:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UpstartCrow Fri 09-Feb-18 17:47:14

If she was racist would the rest of the group defend her right to her views?
It sounds like they secretly agree with her. Why else would they defend homophobia?

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree Fri 09-Feb-18 17:47:31

Others in our friendship group say I am in the wrong here because her views are a result of her religion and therefore not her fault.

angry her views did not instinctually manifest themselves when she signed up to her religion. She joined the religion because of her views and because that religion reinforces her already existing views. She is a homophobe, she has just found a way to voice it publically and take no responsibility for it.

Cheekyandfreaky Fri 09-Feb-18 17:47:37

YANBU, adults own choices, religious or not.

Somerford Fri 09-Feb-18 17:48:18

Her religion doesn't give her a free pass to be an arsehole. She can hold any view that she wants but she doesn't get to decide whether you're allowed to find them objectionable or not.

Anymajordude Fri 09-Feb-18 17:49:33

I'd ditch her just for saying the Adam and Steve thing. Even if it wasn't homophobic it's cringingly naff and unfunny too. Bye bye friend.

WomanInTheMirrorStaresAtMe Fri 09-Feb-18 17:54:10

Thank you. I didn't think I was unreasonable but was shocked that my friends were not quicker to condemn her. The weird thing is she was bisexual when we at uni, this is common knowledge. When I said that to her she said it was because she was mentally unwell at the time.

Mummyontherun86 Fri 09-Feb-18 17:54:39

I think if she held these views but behaved kindly and didn’t try to impose them on you then maybe you could be expected to tolerate each other’s difference of opinion on this however strongly you may both feel. For example I have a good many Christian friends who are not in favour of gay marriage, but I know they would never, ever behave badly to a gay couple or mouth off about it. I can live with it despite having close gay relatives. They have met and welcomed my gay relatives partners for example.
However it sounds like she is being vocal and nasty about her views and refusing to accommodate your beliefs.
So I can’t see how you are in the wrong.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor Fri 09-Feb-18 17:58:52

You're not in the wrong. It's fine to hold differing opinions from your friends but to carry on as she is, you don't have to accept that.

And it is her 'fault' to behave that way. She choose this religion and to act as she did. I have Jw member of staff. If he holds homophobic views then he very much doesn't act like your friend does and has been polite professional to gay colleagues.

specialsubject Fri 09-Feb-18 18:00:37

She has a brain , her views are her fault, your mates are fools and she is a disgusting bigot.

Drop them all.

MissionItsPossible Fri 09-Feb-18 18:00:55

YANBU. I'd have nothing to do with her.

NoHunsHereHun Fri 09-Feb-18 18:01:41

So the others in the group are tolerating her rants? confused Sounds like you need a lot more new friends - they're condoning her views with their silence. YANBU.

bricksareheavy Fri 09-Feb-18 18:12:33

She’s entitled to her religious views, just as much as you’re entitled to decide not to be friends with her as a result of her views.

I’m disappointed for you that your friends have taken this stance. Why are views based on religion any more relevant than views based on any other code of morality and ethics?


emmyrose2000 Sat 10-Feb-18 03:52:47


This other woman is disgusting. Her views are her views, religion or not. Anyone supporting her, and not condemning her for her revolting beliefs, is just as bad as she is. I'd cut them all off and go and find a new, decent, set of friends.

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