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To consider having a baby alone

(122 Posts)
callyclover Fri 09-Feb-18 16:58:41

I got pregnant very young. I worked really hard and managed to buy our home and have a nice life in a limited sort of way. I have a warm relationship with first child but she has grown up.

In many ways I feel I have really missed parenting. Many of my friends have small children. I feel doing it again would be positive.

Id have to use a sperm donor as I do not have a partner - is this a ridiculous idea?

callyclover Fri 09-Feb-18 22:51:50

Thank you.

latara23 Fri 09-Feb-18 22:55:26

Go for it!!

I'm 41 & desperate for a child but I have schizo affective disorder and couldn't cope alone.

SecretDisneyAddict Fri 09-Feb-18 22:58:15

You've done it once and this time you'd have the benefit of experience.

Good luck. You're my hero.

Thehogfather Fri 09-Feb-18 23:19:37

How does your adult dd feel about growing up with just you? I'd use that as a guide.

My dd is 14, and views it in the same way she views not having an older sibling or younger half siblings or an elderly great aunt etc which some dc have.

callyclover Fri 09-Feb-18 23:24:19

I think she loves me very much and she is proud to be my daughter and recognises I have raised her with love and gentleness.

But that it is also a small world and that is sad.

littlemisscomper Fri 09-Feb-18 23:29:30

How about adoption? Or fostering school aged children? there are so, so many in need of a loving home. You could literally transform a child's life.

hadthesnip Fri 09-Feb-18 23:30:47

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

callyclover Fri 09-Feb-18 23:38:15

I wouldn't get past an adoption panel. Fostering is a) a full time job b) not your own child.

Hadthesnip I am relieved you have had the snip so that no future children will carry your genes.

Thehogfather Fri 09-Feb-18 23:44:56

had hope you had the snip before reproducing or I pity the poor dc.

I also hope you had the snip and all other healthcare privately and didn't expect the state to pay for you.

ParkheadParadise Fri 09-Feb-18 23:45:30

hadthesnip
I had a child on my own because her father DIDN'T want to know her or paid any money ever towards her keep.
He walked past her in the street. When she died 2years ago he didn't show his face at her funeral. Not all children have father's in their live to look up to.

Cattenberg Fri 09-Feb-18 23:52:49

Yes, a lot of couples split up & so the children might not see much of one of them, but at least they are around & can see the child.

Not necessarily. My maternal grandparents divorced when my mum was a toddler. She never saw her dad again as he emigrated and didn't keep in contact. My mum personally didn't feel as though there was someone missing, as it had been that way almost as long as she could remember.

It's a difficult one, OP as not all children feel the same way. The Donor Conception Network can give you details of research into the outcomes for donor-conceived children. I personally found them to be extremely helpful. Good luck.

Cattenberg Fri 09-Feb-18 23:55:48

I'm sorry to read your story, ParkheadParadise. flowers

callyclover Sat 10-Feb-18 00:00:21

DDs Dad didn't keep in touch either.

Sorry for your loss Parkhead

hadthesnip Sat 10-Feb-18 00:01:01

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ParkheadParadise Sat 10-Feb-18 00:12:34

hadthesnip
I have 3 great kids) I would hope that they are as proud of me as I am of them

Hope nobody ever calls them *selfish bitch*if they ever find themselves wanting a child without a partner about.

callyclover Sat 10-Feb-18 00:13:39

Fear not, O great Man come to enlighten us Women on the dangers of upturning the natural order of things.

No benefits will be claimed.

I suspect your ex and I would get on well, though.

Thehogfather Sat 10-Feb-18 00:45:53

parkhead sorry to read that flowers

snip 3 kids and you all using taxpayer funded healthcare, 3 lots of maternity care, and in all probability 3 lots of state education is a sizeable reliance on state benefits yourself. If op was planning 5yrs on benefits for one dc it would still be considerably cheaper than what you have cost the taxpayer.

Personally I don't think if people want to go against nature and reproduce despite the evolutionary reasons why they personally shouldn't, they should expect recourse from public funds, but clearly you thought otherwise. Exception to Darwin's theory and all that.

But you see missing out on a father with your silly, uneducated opinions really isn't what anyone intelligent would call a loss. Perhaps you are using reverse psychology to demonstrate why no father is better than the type of arsehole some poor dc have as a father.

Loving the fact that you hear single parent and bring benefits into it, it tells us all we need to know.

AcrossthePond55 Sat 10-Feb-18 01:04:17

As far as not having one parent of either sex around (because mums leave or die too, and there are also gay parents), it's becoming more within the 'norm' these days. As children grow up in the future they will be surrounded by other children with only one parent either through death, choice, or desertion as well as children who have same sex parents. It won't be considered as 'odd' or 'sad' as some people think it is now and as it definitely was thought a generation ago. It will be of no more consideration than eye or hair colour.

SmallBlondeMama Sat 10-Feb-18 01:29:23

Go for it!!! smile

lovelystar Sat 10-Feb-18 01:29:52

If you know you can definitely support the baby emotionally and financially now and as time goes on then I'd say go for it smile I know plenty of people who don't know their biological father and are perfectly happy and settled and vice versa with those who do know their fathers. Bringing a child into the world is a wonderful thing, however have you thought about adopting or fostering? Plenty of kids already out there who need parenting! Good luck with it all.OP x

lovelystar Sat 10-Feb-18 01:33:39

Sorry only just ready your update about fostering/adoption. Still think you should go for it though smile children are great

Monicagellarrr Sat 10-Feb-18 01:41:37

How young??
You can do it.

ftw Sat 10-Feb-18 01:56:10

Just for your answer to Mr Snip I’m going to say you should totes do it. 😉

Seriously, you sound like you have a clue, you’ve done it before, you can afford it, why not?

I was 40 when my youngest was born, it’s exhausting but not impossible.

Yes, LO will need help understanding why there’s no dad in the picture but that’s not insurmountable either.

CircleofWillis Sat 10-Feb-18 02:28:42

There are co-parent sperm donation options where the dad is involved in the child's life. This might be a good option for you if you are worried about your child wondering about their father and missing a second parent's influence (although as hadthesnip has demonstrated this is not necessarily a bad thing).

TheDowagerCuntess Sat 10-Feb-18 02:40:35

I have two friends who've done this - I say go for it!

One of them has two DC, and she says she'd go for a third in a heartbeat, but for the fact that she's in her 40s now.

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