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To consider having a baby alone

(122 Posts)
callyclover Fri 09-Feb-18 16:58:41

I got pregnant very young. I worked really hard and managed to buy our home and have a nice life in a limited sort of way. I have a warm relationship with first child but she has grown up.

In many ways I feel I have really missed parenting. Many of my friends have small children. I feel doing it again would be positive.

Id have to use a sperm donor as I do not have a partner - is this a ridiculous idea?

JustVent Fri 09-Feb-18 17:58:49

Go for kt

JustVent Fri 09-Feb-18 17:58:52

It

MrsBobDylan Fri 09-Feb-18 18:18:19

Some people love their kids but are relieved when the hard work is done and they can get on with their own lives. However, there are people who love the responsibility and the hectic mayhem that is parenting. If you fall into the latter category, then go for it!

QuiteLikely5 Fri 09-Feb-18 18:20:04

Consider fostering? Many many little infants require loving homes

callyclover Fri 09-Feb-18 18:37:24

I have to work full time so would not be approved to foster.

Thank you for responses.

foxmuldersufo Fri 09-Feb-18 18:39:54

I would fully support you in that if you chose to do so.

Haffdonga Fri 09-Feb-18 18:41:41

I think if I was you I would but I'm not you so I cant say why not?

Badbadtromance Fri 09-Feb-18 19:00:28

Go for it. I did and no regrets. Love my life

jacobsgirl Fri 09-Feb-18 19:01:27

Do what you think will make you happiest ! I think it's a great idea

Wishing you all the luck in the world biscuit

Blankiefan Fri 09-Feb-18 19:14:03

It's bloody exhausting becoming a parent in your late 30s. I wouldn't consider it without either a partner or a lot of family support. It's relentless.

Haffdonga Fri 09-Feb-18 19:33:16

IME older mothers don't find having a baby any more or less tiring than young mothers. Babies are tiring. Full stop. What can be harder is having a baby while also having other dependant children (which obviously happens more often to older mums). As you've already had a baby on your own you know what you would be letting yourself in for, but as your dd is independent you'd be just as capable as last time, perhaps more because this time round you'd have the luxury of saving up and paid maternity leave.

callyclover Fri 09-Feb-18 19:55:45

It would certainly be easier this time for all sorts of reasons. It is more the ethics of sperm donation to conceieve etc I worry about

AcrossthePond55 Fri 09-Feb-18 22:03:18

I don't see there's any question of ethics in sperm donation done through a reputable clinic.

Dubious ethics would be buying sperm over the internet as you don't really know what you're getting and completely unethical would be 'stealing' a man's sperm by lying about contraception.

NapYearStudent Fri 09-Feb-18 22:07:06

How would your older child feel? Does your older child have any other family or are you all the support she has?

Thehogfather Fri 09-Feb-18 22:34:23

I'm younger than you and dd is still early teens, but I've pondered a few times about whether when I'm older and dd independent I'd want another. But whether I want to is my only line of thought, being a lone parent a second time doesn't even enter the equation. So it shouldn't for you.

Personally I think I'll want to enjoy my freedom, and enhance my career. I think if I ever have more dc I would go down the route of adopting older dc. But I don't see why as a lone parent alternatives are being suggested when few would if you had a partner.

callyclover Fri 09-Feb-18 22:38:22

Why shouldn't it for me?

G120810 Fri 09-Feb-18 22:40:17

What had family around got to do with it the family aren't always helpful and she's 40 if she can afford and she is a gd mum then go for it I know alot of 40 year old mothers it's a brilliant idea

Haffdonga Fri 09-Feb-18 22:42:32

OP can you be a bit clearer about your concerns? Do you feel there are specific ethical issues about sperm donation or generally about choosing to be a single parent?

callyclover Fri 09-Feb-18 22:43:40

Not really. I suppose I just worry the child might feel cheated in some way through not having a father.

Thehogfather Fri 09-Feb-18 22:45:44

What I mean op is that whether you want to have another baby and all it entails should be all you base your decision on.

If you've raised your dd alone then you already know the reality of lone parenting, and you say that financially etc you're ok. So how others may or may not view you for choosing to do it alone shouldn't come into it.

BarbarianMum Fri 09-Feb-18 22:47:16

Health quite often deteriorates between 40 and 60, or at least there can be problems. For that reason the lack of support would concern me.

callyclover Fri 09-Feb-18 22:47:31

Well, that isn't really the concern hog - it is more about how the child could potentially feel. Thank you, though smile

BarbarianMum Fri 09-Feb-18 22:48:48

Well, the child might feel cheated. Or not be bothered at all. So much will depend on their individual personality.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity Fri 09-Feb-18 22:51:24

Well,.you won't know that until he or she has grown up. Maybe she will and maybe she won't. Even different siblings raised in exactly the same environment can view their experiences differently.
You will cross that bridge when it happens, and just do your best in the meantime. Good luck x

callyclover Fri 09-Feb-18 22:51:28

Yes. I know. Hence why I am posting here not just doing what my heart wants to do smile

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