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Aibu to feel a bit let down and lonely

(4 Posts)
Palavapalava Fri 09-Feb-18 13:07:35

My family don’t bother with me or my dcs at all and have never made any effort with my dh. I get the occasional call from my mum to say hello (she and dad are divorced) but that’s it. My mum helps my other siblings at times with their children which really hurts but won’t help me even when I’ve said I’ve been on my knees and unable to cope. I’ve only asked twice! Apparently she thinks this is fine because mil lives close by so she should help us (!) and also because my mum is ‘busy enough as it is’ (doesn’t work)...I feel let down and sad. It seems so abnormal compared to everyone else i know.

My siblings and I aren’t close at all. Hardly surprising I suppose. We all live in different parts of the country and no one speaks to each other. I’ve tried my best to try to get or family closer over the years in a variety of ways but no one wants to bother. It’s upsetting but I’ve had to accept it.

I gave up a high paid job to be sahm but my dh expects me to be a ‘50’s housewife and I am constantly put down and criticised. Even if I wanted to go back to my career it’s a very sexist industry. Where i was went bust and no one in this industry will knowing employ a woman with young children, let alone consider taking them in on part time hours. It shouldn’t be that way but it absolutely is. So, basically, I can’t go back to my career and this is making me feel trapped. I love looking after the children but am totally fed up of being treated like the hired help at home.

My dh mother dislikes me which doesn’t help at all either. She has her favourites and it’s not me, dh or our children... and it’s painfully obvious. She offers to help but always makes excuses to avoid doing anything. She has only helped us on two occasions - both medical emergencies.

So, I feel lonely and trapped.

Don’t know what to do.

My gut feel is to get back to work, get my independence (financial) back and send the children to daycare. Given the issues with the industry I was in I really don’t know where to start.....

RicStar Fri 09-Feb-18 13:11:40

I agree with your gut. None of your family (including DH) sound very nice and you sound like you have lost a bit of self esteem. I don't know what your industry is but different companies can have very different feels or perhaps there is something related (training (?) Etc you could do.

G120810 Fri 09-Feb-18 18:36:46

God ure getting it all ways u need to tell DH u are getting a job and housework Wii be shared he doesn't have a choice in this as if don't y can't do the current situation anymore as u are unhappy if he says no dont listen as it's ure choice if he can't make u happy it's time think about possiblely being on your own if this was me I would do what makes me happy and if my partner didn't want this then he isn't interested in my happyness I know its not just easy to walk away but I would make it happen somehow I would not stay where I am not happy

MumW Fri 09-Feb-18 19:01:40

Could you start by looking at locsl colleges/careers advisors for suitable retraining ideas?

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