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Overly sensitive or rude friend?

(19 Posts)
El1ie01 Fri 09-Feb-18 10:42:31

My closest friend is organising my baby shower for me and whilst she has been ADAMANT that it was her job to organise, she hasn't stopped moaning about how much money it's going to cost her which has made me feel put out...
Further to this, my baby shower is organised for when I'n really quite pregnant like 36 or so weeks which I'm worrying about (1st baby, already feeling rubbish and convinced he's coming early) a couple of months ago I mentioned that it might be too late in the day, & have said that if we could change the date and not all the guests can make it, I don't care as long as my dearest and nearest can. I was then accused of being ungrateful?!! angry
Throughout my pregnancy she has joked about how fat I am sad and how she doesn't feel that excited for the birth of my baby which i've not taken well!
I've been majorly sensitive (and probably hormonal!) throughout this pregnancy so haven't said anything but would really appreciate you guys advice.. .please! Do I leave it ?

Forgeteverythingandremember Fri 09-Feb-18 10:44:35

I would not have a baby shower
Just invite a couple of close mates or family members over for some cake.

It’s all a bit much and clearly neither of you are enjoying the process so why bother? It isn’t obligatory to have one!

Good luck with your delivery.

DriggleDraggle Fri 09-Feb-18 10:48:17

i wouldnt.
i would be honest.
look, you have done nothing but moan about it and i am now dreading it. just cancel it and save yourself the money.

cookiemonster18 Fri 09-Feb-18 10:54:07

mainly because if i'd try to cancel it now the aggro I would get back !! I've already been told i'm ungrateful once...

kissmethere Fri 09-Feb-18 10:59:11

It's not worth the upset. Do you think you'll feel better if you cancel? She's ruining a day that could be really nice and dare I say it, she sounds jealous.
Call her and tell her it's cancelled, you're not feeling it, you're having a small get together etc. Tell her her attitude stinks if she sulks and rants. She knows it's true.

stressedandskint Fri 09-Feb-18 11:04:44

Your friend sounds like a nasty piece of work. Tell her politely and firmly that you have decided you don't want a baby shower. Tell her she's made it clear how it is costing her money and you don't feel up to it anyway.
I'd be reducing contact with this friend of yours. Arrange a nice low key meal with your close friends and family or whatever you want to do.
You're the one having the baby so it's your decision, she has no place forcing you to have a baby shower. Be firm with her! The worst case is she falls out with you but from what you've posted, that wouldn't be such a bad thing!

Forgeteverythingandremember Fri 09-Feb-18 11:08:18

Namehange fail OP? You might want to report that post if so?

QuiteLikely5 Fri 09-Feb-18 11:08:44

She seems resentful. However baby showers can cost a lot especially if there is food etc

It’s a bit of a grey area. Does organising means she needs to pay?

cookiemonster18 Fri 09-Feb-18 11:11:24

I've changed my name FYIsmile
we're going for a meal at a restaurant, i can imagine it would be cakes and decorations that would need to be paid for

throwcushions Fri 09-Feb-18 11:14:46

Why do people bother with baby showers? I don't get it. American nonsense. If it's too expensive then say we can just have something simpler at home, surely?

usualGubbins Fri 09-Feb-18 11:24:51

I'm with throwcushions on this. These 'showers' are becoming the new Tupperware parties from the 1970s and 1980s where you felt pressurised into buying stuff, or spending more than you normally would. Admitedly my children are all grown up now but when I'd had them (not before as it was considered tempting fate!) people would visit with presents. That meant close friends and family, and not all and sundry who tend to get invited to these things!

bigbellyjelly Fri 09-Feb-18 12:26:45

Could she be a little bit envious of you? Do you know if she's struggling ttc?
Maybe she wants to be supportive which is why she said she'd organise it but is struggling herself?

Maybe you should just say you'd like to do something more low key and just have your nearest and dearest round.

Baby showers are becoming like mini weddings!! I've had gift lists sent through along with an expensive meal in a fancy restaurant. Along with a big gift for the Mum as well as the baby! It's ridiculous!

Bigfatchips Fri 09-Feb-18 12:31:43

Say to her "I promise hand on heart I'm not being ungrateful but I don't actually want a baby shower any way. Let's just cancel and forget all about it."

Easy.

babyccinoo Fri 09-Feb-18 13:06:52

She doesn't sound very nice.

Is she arranging the baby shower with no input from you? You're not expecting her to do things that cost monryou?

babyccinoo Fri 09-Feb-18 13:07:03

*money

Needsleepnow87 Fri 09-Feb-18 13:17:56

She’s called you ungrateful, fat and said that’s she’s not excited for the birth of your baby? That don’t sound like very nice things to say but then again we don’t know the context/tone they were said in. Reading it though, it doesn’t sound nice. And why is she moaning about costs? Did she offer to organise and pay for everything? Have you offered to reinburse her?

My mum organised my baby shower for 37 Weeks and I felt guitly that she was paying for everything, although I offered to cover costs numerous times. We only had it at her house though so costs were low.

Tink2007 Fri 09-Feb-18 13:19:41

She doesn’t sound like a friend at all.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish Fri 09-Feb-18 13:23:44

Ask her to cancel, it sounds like she is being the martyr (wants everyone to see how wonderful/good/kind/selfless/generous etc she is doing it for her friend, and also wants sympathy for the expense it is costing her)

Cancel, and do your own with your family or something

cookiemonster18 Fri 09-Feb-18 15:34:10

Thanks all for your messages .
I haven't asked her for anything at all as far as the baby shower is concerned... She won't actually tell me what the other things are that she's organised either but I have told her I'll go to costco with her to pick up a cheap cake and given her the details of a friend that makes cakes too to help with cost.

She has always been VERY funny about money, like, she would ask me back for £2 and she works full time with little outgoings too. She isn't trying for a baby nor does she want one lol so I don't think that's why!!

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