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AIBU to feel a bit resentful?

(7 Posts)
Supercala123 Fri 09-Feb-18 09:11:03

Help me to find some perspective mumsnetters!

We are a family of 6; youngest is 1.
I work three days a week in a very demanding job, out at 7.30 back at 6. Dp works full time and commutes. So out at 7 back at 7pm.
I do everything during the week regardless of work days or not. Including nursery collections, dishwasher, washing machine, hoovering, cooking, cleaning etc etc.
He sleeps in spare room during the week as baby keeps him up in night, he wakes frequently and I’m still breastfeeding.
I’m starting to feel a bit resentful. I appreciate that On non work days I should do all of the things even though I have DS but a bit of help, even just doing the dishwasher would help....but he works full time. AIBU to feel resentful??
He’s not an unreasonable person and doesn’t have draconian views of women and housework. Maybe it’s just a lack of thought?

saladdays66 Fri 09-Feb-18 09:13:35

Insane. Why on earth are you doing eveything when you work FT as well? Write a list of everything that has to be done every day. Sit down with your dh and split it into two, decide what you will each do.

Same for weekends.

Does he pull his weight whwn he's at home?? Do you get a lie in at the weekend since you're up with your youngest?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 09-Feb-18 09:13:56

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, but I do think that by doing it all, all of the time, you've allowed this to become the norm.

Yes, he shouldn't have to be asked but most blokes are just blind to it. Can you sit down and have a calm, rationale discussion about him contributing more in terms of the daily housework and mental load?

Write up a list of tasks and split them. In theory, he should be doing 50/50 - on your days off, it's not as if you don't have 4 DC to look after and organise.

Els1e Fri 09-Feb-18 09:14:23

You are not being unreasonable. You both have a lot going on. What about getting help in, perhaps an person to do laundry and iron a couple of times a week.

LifeBeginsAtGin Fri 09-Feb-18 09:21:58

Not unreasonable.

Have you spoken o your DH? What was the agreement before having your children? Have you both fallen into these roles?

Supercala123 Fri 09-Feb-18 09:26:58

I have spoken to him before and he was good about it but has slipped back into how it was before we talked.
I do think he just doesn’t see it rather than deliberately doesn’t do things. Part of me is just too tired to have to explain yet again that I’m doing most things.
He’s ok at the weekend and will do things if asked but if everything was left until the weekend there would be chaos during the week!
We can’t afford to pay a cleaner at the mo, I’ve just returned from maternity leave three weeks ago and so money is tight.

saladdays66 Fri 09-Feb-18 10:38:59

Does he hold down a job? Remeber things that have to be done for work?

How does he think his dc get to school and clubs, and home again? How does he think meals get on the table, and dishes done, and the house cleaned, and clothes washed?

FFS. Lazy sod.

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