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To be SO jealous of my pregnant friends

(57 Posts)
peachblossom123 Thu 08-Feb-18 17:58:13

I am 33, married for 2.5 years (but together for 10) and very happy in my marriage. But I am just so miserably jealous of my pregnant friends and friends who have children already.

I am just so ready to be a mum and everyone, absolutely everyone around me is either pregnant or already a mum. Every single friend of mine in my life has a baby or is now pregnant - I am the only one left without a child. My single friends have even had children before me. Babies are around me everywhere. My heart breaks that little bit more when a new pregnancy is announced.

My best friend announced she was pregnant in November. I was devastated, so happy for her, but devastated. I had no idea they were even trying. We had always promised each other we would tell each other when we going to start trying and wouldn't it be amazing to do it around the same time! Now she is part of the mummy club and I'm not.

My heart even breaks when I see twenty-something Z-list celebrities announcing their pregnancies in the Daily Mail now. It's that bad.

I never thought I would be in my mid-thirties and the last of my friends to start a family.

My husband knows how I feel and he says he is nearly ready to start trying but not until the end of the year. I'll be 34 by then. Starting a family occupies my mind every single day and I am just getting more and more miserable and bitter. I feel so lonely and I can't talk to anyone about it. I would never push my husband to start trying as I need him to be 100% ready.

What can I do to take my mind of it? Maybe get a dog?! Take up a new hobby!? Tell myself to get a grip!?

Pengggwn Thu 08-Feb-18 18:00:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AuntyElle Thu 08-Feb-18 18:01:05

Did you discuss when you would have children with your husband before you married?
Assuming that you did, I think it’s very unfair of him to delay it. What is he waiting for?

troodiedoo Thu 08-Feb-18 18:02:45

You could focus on making yourself as healthy as possible, and get involved with friends and family offering to help.

If you want that optimum September baby then you need to be trying end of the year anyway.

NotAnotherEmma Thu 08-Feb-18 18:03:46

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Thu 08-Feb-18 18:06:37

What would change in your lives in 10months time? If there’s a job change or a new home maybe he’s right, if it’s just a not ready/ more I want to do before coming a parent then I fear he would just continue to delay it.

Pengggwn Thu 08-Feb-18 18:06:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oliversmumsarmy Thu 08-Feb-18 18:06:56

What is the difference between getting pregnant now and getting pregnant in 10 months time

troodiedoo Thu 08-Feb-18 18:07:01

Assume your husband knows how much this means to you?

Has he made claims to be nearly ready before?

RavenLG Thu 08-Feb-18 18:07:04

Well, if you're not ttc then yabslightlyu BUT you are understandably allowed to be jealous, as long as you're still supportive of your friends and don't change how you treat them.

Can you talk to your husband about how you feel? Maybe ask for a compromise to start at lease ttc in 6 months rather than at the end of the year?

peachblossom123 Thu 08-Feb-18 18:07:27

I don't really want to negotiate starting a family with him as I feel we both have to be 100% ready. It's not a business transaction.

We both want children, he definitely does for sure. We talk about it a lot and are saving for the future. We joke about silly baby names and think about fun future family holidays.

His job was very unsteady for a while and he was close to resigning. We are waiting to see how his review goes next month so he can make a decision on whether to stay or find a new job. He is just not in the right place and mind set to start TTC right now. But he said he wants to start trying later in the year.

Dahlietta Thu 08-Feb-18 18:09:53

If you want that optimum September baby

confused Do people really think like this?!

You need to tell him to get on with it. I don't really get this let's keep waiting and waiting when you know you do want children. You never know what's going to happen to your fertility. Why does he say he's not ready? Is he really going to be ready in a few months as opposed to now?

Fluffyears Thu 08-Feb-18 18:10:27

It’s ljust kept I won’t ever have them and I ache for it I really do. Youvare still young so the end of the year isn’t massive.

Rebeccaslicker Thu 08-Feb-18 18:10:31

"Optimum September baby"??? confusedhmmangry

Wow, I guess my second will never be as good as my first then, what with the poor little thing due in April and not September like my first.

34 isn't old, OP. But if you feel this strongly, I do think you need to talk to your husband again. You might be able to compromise on trying between now and then. In the meantime, make the most of what you do have; enjoy each other's company, enjoy eating out and sleeping, enjoy being able to do whatever you like. Because you'll miss those things when you get your wish!

peachblossom123 Thu 08-Feb-18 18:10:45

I never said I wasn't happy for my friends. I said I was jealous. I keep this inside and don't say anything to anyone. I love seeing my friends and their children and I am so supportive throughout their pregnancies.

Annabelle4 Thu 08-Feb-18 18:10:48

Does he realise that it's quite common to take up to a year to conceive when you do ttc? Just have a look at the conception board here.
I hope he's not stringing you along OP

holasoydora Thu 08-Feb-18 18:11:55

I felt exactly like you did OP, for two years then I broke down on DP who realised how much it meant to me and agreed to start trying a few months later. I get that you want him 100% on board and agree with that 10 months is forever when you are waiting month after month and if he will be fine starting in December why can he not compromise at all and say September?! Doesn't really make sense.

OTOH 34 is a very normal age (among people I know, many of whom had them much later) to start having kids so don't worry on that front.

SleepingStandingUp Thu 08-Feb-18 18:13:14

If you want that optimum September baby then you need to be trying end of the year anyway oh perhaps I should get a refund on my sub optimum May baby. He clearly isn't good enough

Dahlietta Thu 08-Feb-18 18:13:51

I guess my second will never be as good as my first then, what with the poor little thing due in April and not September like my first.

Both of mine were born in April, Rebeccaslicker - at least they'll be on the scrapheap of life together I suppose!

Pengggwn Thu 08-Feb-18 18:13:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peachblossom123 Thu 08-Feb-18 18:14:18

I don't mind when the baby is born smile It's not a big deal to me.
Thanks for all your comments ladies xx

KimmySchmidt1 Thu 08-Feb-18 18:15:11

If he loves you he will be willing to start a bit early given how unhappy it is making you. Unless there is so big relevant reason which makes it implausible now, he is being selfish or insensitive by making you wait a year at this point.

Have you explained to him how unhappy you are? Show him this thread.

SleepingStandingUp Thu 08-Feb-18 18:15:17

It's kinda disturbing though that you can't even be happy for other people starting a family
ODFO. she stated she was happy for them, but sad and jealous for herself. Perfectly rational response when there's something you desperately want, can't have and everyone else has

troodiedoo Thu 08-Feb-18 18:17:32

Oh for heaven's sake, shall I ask MN to put light hearted on my post? hmm

My dcs were born in May and April. Last one when I was 37 btw.

It's a fact that children born in September on the whole do better at school though.

Rebeccaslicker Thu 08-Feb-18 18:17:42

We must be terrible parents, Dahlietta. Fancy conceiving inferior babies when we should just have waited and assumed it would happen in one go at that one magical time of the year!

OP - when I was in my mid 30's and still single I felt a little but the same every time another friend announced another pregnancy. It is hard and it's emotional, not rational. Just remember you have a husband who loves you and who does want a child, so in the scheme of things it's not too much of an uphill battle 🤞🏻

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