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I'm not making it up

(13 Posts)
reddingtn Thu 08-Feb-18 17:29:11

I've had numerous incidents of sexual harassment. Two of which in the workplace and I had compensation for.

My DMs bf has grabbed my arse twice and she's denied it. I get the feeling she thinks I'm making it up.

My DB has made multiple comments about how I've got 'payouts' and it's not fair. He implies it's anti discrimination.

I just feel so low. Like I've got freebies or something. I had to have therapy but they still don't take it seriously.

zzzzz Thu 08-Feb-18 17:31:21

Minimising makes it easier for them.

Lazy unpleasant people that they are.

SandAndSea Thu 08-Feb-18 17:37:44

You're not alone. Sadly, it's very common but for some reason, it's hard for people to believe. Perhaps they don't want to have to deal with it. I don't have any words of wisdom except to work on lifting your spirits as best you can. I've found it can help to focus on yourself and how you feel about others, rather than on how you think others feel about you.

AmICuteOrWhat Thu 08-Feb-18 21:18:13

Am sorry you went throught that. It is unpleasant to be sexually harassed or assaulted. It i s a form of abuse and can cause someone experiencing it to have issues. I believe you reddingtn

Eilasor Thu 08-Feb-18 22:02:25

Op, having an unsupportive, minimising family is the worst and I have so much sympathy for you thanksthanks.

If it helps (and I know it won't really), I believe you. You deserve the money paid to you and you absolutely did not get 'something for nothing'. Remember that and keep your head held high.

I was assaulted multiple times during my teen years. My mum always told me I was being dramatic and that the men/boys (huge variation of ages) were only being friendly.

Estellanpip Thu 08-Feb-18 22:45:49

I'm sorry flowers
Personally, I believe that sexual harassment and assault are so common that it's normalised. So when someone challenges it, some people are a bit hmm, like you're 'kicking up a fuss about nothing'. Which is wrong, of course!

reddingtn Fri 09-Feb-18 05:53:23

Eilasor shock I am so sorry! flowers

it's happening so often now that I feel like I'm crying wolf sad my mum's boyfriend has groped me twice in front of her and all she said was 'if it had really happened you should have called the police'. Currently have another thread where my driving instructor is being a creep. Where does it stop? Actually it doesn't, does it sad

Groinyo Fri 09-Feb-18 06:02:10

I just feel so low. Like I've got freebies or something

Ask your brother how much he'd take to have a strange man grab his dick? I bet it's more than your "freeby".

Groinyo Fri 09-Feb-18 06:02:29

I'd be NO contact with mum and brother tbh.

reddingtn Fri 09-Feb-18 06:08:22

I'm getting there tbh. Both of them are narcissistic. Currently nc with brother and about to with mum.

Interestingly they always make it sound like it's me though. Our last argument she said 'it's always you who falls out with everyone'. No I just don't take shit.

Groinyo Fri 09-Feb-18 06:20:30

you have to really ask yourself what you're getting out of the relationship.

Do you have kids OP? How would you feel if one of them was sexually harrassed in front of you? Can you imagine continuing a relationship with that person who did it?

toomuchtooold Fri 09-Feb-18 06:40:50

Interestingly they always make it sound like it's me though

It's interesting in the sense that it's a good example of abusive/dysfunctional family dynamics: you're the truth teller/scapegoat. It doesn't make sense but it's not supposed to, it's supposed to keep them feeling like they are lovely people who never have any conflict unless you cause it. You're unlikely to be able to do anything to change it, as they are getting a payback from the behaviour.

Mummyoflittledragon Fri 09-Feb-18 06:49:13

My mother let my brother emotionally and physically abuse me. There was quite a lot of abuse in my family - I was my mother’s victim and scapegoat. As I grew older, some of the abuse from my brother was sexualised teasing and sexual abuse, although no touching. I only processed recently that she was fully aware of some of the sexual abuse and chose to hide it from my father, who would have been furious.

Her mother’s (so my grandmothers) boyfriend grabbed me when I was 16, wrapped his arms around me (including my arms) so I couldn’t move and forcibly kissed me, she believed me. But I wasn’t to tell my grandmother. Looking back, I’m appalled at my mother. The way he manipulated me, grabbed me and told me it was “our little secret”, I am now of the firm opinion I wasn’t the first child this vile old man abused. I really hope he didn’t have access to younger children after my mother chose not to report this abuse (as a victim of abuse at home, I had no idea I had the right to report it myself). Even at his age, walking with a cane, he was incredibly strong. The only reason as to why he backed off is because I went absolutely ballistic, he had me completely incapacitated. Had I been younger or not a feisty person, the outcome would have been very different.

I’m also the trouble maker apparently. I confronted my mother about the above (before I realised she knew about the sexual abuse), her attitude was, I was the abusive one. She smirked at the sexual abuse.

I’m glad to see you’re nc with your brother. I am with mine as he presents a genuine threat to my physical safety even though he’s a middle aged father. I think going nc or at least having a period of nc with your mother is a good idea. As is getting more therapy.

I hope in time you will be able to accept and fully understand that your mother will never ever believe you, will never ever accept you. Just because she’s female, it doesn’t mean she can’t be a misogynist. And she’s bred your brother in misogyny as well. They sound somewhat like my family. I’m also in therapy and working toward not being believed. Ironically I’m the most truthful in my family and abhore lying.

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