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AIBU?

To dread friend's calls?

5 replies

Yawnyprawn · 08/02/2018 12:03

I have an old uni friend who lives in another city who calls me around once a week for a chat. We've known each other a long time and there was a time when I enjoyed her company, but the issue now is that she talks/rants non stop about everything that's bothering her and I can hardly get a word in edgeways! Sometimes she won't even ask how I am or what I have been up to at all during the entire call. I feel like she treats me as her counsellor, but the relationship has been like this for so long I don't know how to change it.

It's been particularly difficult since DD was born 7 months ago because I no longer have the mental energy to listen, so I make excuses and avoid her calls. I barely have any time or space for myself as it is, so I don't want to spend an hour a week listening to somebody ranting.

I don't feel like I can avoid her completely as I might soon be moving to her town, plus she has asked me to be maid of honour at her wedding, which is another thing i feel awkward about. WWYD?

OP posts:

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Sarahh2014 · 08/02/2018 12:05

Could u abruptly change to conversation or even just tell her how you feel? It is a tricky one

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UpstartCrow · 08/02/2018 12:08

Can you arrange to meet her in a coffee shop and see if a change of venue changes her behaviour?

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Fosterdog123 · 08/02/2018 12:14

I would personally be gently honest with her. If you can't get a word in edgeways, then it'll have to be by text. Ignore her next call and then text her. Give her a shit sandwich (nice thing, harsh feedback, nice thing!). Say you value her friendship and like her a lot but that the calls are starting to feel draining, as it feels very one-sided. Say you'd really like to keep in touch and hope you haven't offended her but felt it important to be honest. It's a very direct approach and it could go either way but I think it's a much better approach than ghosting someone, which is cruel. She might flounce but then again, she might be mortified at how she's been and change.

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mumgointhroughtorture · 08/02/2018 12:55

Maybe you could joke and say " do you only ring me up to moan " then laugh and say shall we change the subject to something more light hearted ?

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Yawnyprawn · 08/02/2018 18:16

Thanks very much for the suggestions! I think I will give the humour a shot first and then try the shit sandwich if that doesn't work. I agree that ghosting is cruel, especially with such an old friendship. Cheers all!